CHAPTER 219

 

This time it pained Leonnatos and Perdikkas to discover they were right, without Hephaistion, Alexander would never have a cold head again, would never be the same man. The new day only brought them all new worries and preoccupations and, when night fell over them like a mantle, they had no other choice but to take the very difficult decision of using force to take the King out from his beloved’s room. One day and one night Alexander had cried over the cold body of Hephaistion.

 

It was not healthy and they all feared for the mental state of their King and friend. Between Ptolemy, Lysimachus, Leonnatos and Perdikkas, literally, dragged the King out, it was like dealing with a wild beast, Alexander kicked, punched and bit, shouting at the top of his voice, crying and wailing, but his friends knew they were doing the right thing and ignored his protests. Leonnatos had sent the pages to call doctor Philip, hopping he could give Alexander something to calm him down, to help him sleep— He needs desperately to rest, looks as bad as the corpse.

 

Roxanne watched everything, hidden at the end of the corridor, following that sad procession to the royal chambers while Ptolemy shouted calling for the pages to prepare the bed. Even if Roxanne didn’t love Alexander, even if Hephaistion had caused her downfall, even if she thought ambition had turned her heart into stone, the King’s sorrow moved her, his pain, his screams and wails, made Roxanne pity Alexander, tears clouding her eyes, but…— I can’t be weak, I can’t cry. I have to keep my head clear and seize the opportunity this tragedy is giving me. Hephaistion is dead and now, for the first time since we got married, I have an opportunity to truly become a Queen. 

 

It was dark, a truly dark night, and Roxanne saw how the guards closed the Chiliarch’s bedroom and stood outside waiting for new orders— I have never seen someone mourned like Alexander…I wonder, what will happen now? How will Hephaistion’s death affect us all?—she was intelligent enough to know that, after this, things would be very different. Roxanne would need all her wits now and act before Stateira or Parysatis— A son, more than never, I need a son. The brat lost his father, his protector and benefactor, and Alexander is in no conditions to see over him. 

 

Roxanne nodded. Now she knew what she had to do, and ran back to her room, to change into her mourning cloths— I will give the King what he wants to obtain what I desire the most.

 

I guess that night was when Bendis came into my room and stole my body, she never explained to me the details of how she achieved this but, I knew of what Bendis was capable. She could use Thaumaturgy and had a high level in the Disciplines of our clan. If Bendis encountered resistance, then I pity the poor devil who had to face her and her ghoul Hektor.

 

For what I heard years later my body was left alone for hours until the embalmers came to take care of my mortal remains, the perfect opportunity to exchange me using Vicissitude. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Bendis had never came that night, if I had been allowed to die then, would I be with Alexander now? Yes, I think so, for what I know now about the Umbra and the Empire of Stygia, we would have been together…and more than once I hated her for denying me the peaceful rest at the side of my dear Alexander.   

 

Seven days passed, and for seven days the palace appeared to be suspended in time, immutable, frozen, a palace of death. Everybody spoke in whispers and no one laugh or dared to raise their voices, especially not near the royal chambers. Alexander was beyond words and beyond himself, for days he stayed in his room, refusing the food his servants brought everyday, to shave, to change his cloths, and it was not until Achilles came to beg him to eat that he accepted his meals.  

 

— This is not right –said Seleucus in the corridor, his back against the wall, arms crossed and his eyes on the King’s door— Achilles shouldn’t be here comforting Alexander, Alexander should be taking care of his son.

 

Lysimachus shook his head.  

 

— Have you seen Alexander? –said the somatophylax, in a soft voice. They were all living inside a crypt and sometimes they felt it would always be like this, that the King would never be himself again— He is in no state to be taking care of anyone. It has been a week now and he is still refusing to leave his room. Leon and Perdikkas had to force him to eat after 3 days throwing the food away, and it was only when Achilles came today that he did it voluntarily.

 

Seleucus sighed. He was tired and worried, for a week he had been taking care of the Prince, for a week he had consoled him, embraced him at night, talked to him to ease his heart and help him sleep— He is still a boy, a boy who had just lost his father and now has to deal with the King’s suffering –that thought enraged him. If Seleucus had the power, he would leave Achilles in a safe place, away from tears and suffering, away from Alexander’s spiral of misery and see that his smile would never leave his beautiful face again. But he couldn’t.

 

— And how do you think Achilles feels? Next month is his 15th birthday, he shouldn’t be mourning his father and taking care of the King –the archihypaspistes grumbled, letting his feeling betrayed him. 

 

— Well, for what I heard, you have been taking really good care of the Prince –Lysimachus smirked— So, I don’t know why are you complaining.

 

Seleucus ignored his remark and decided to change the subject.

 

— I heard Alexander ordered to cut the manes and tails of his horses –said the archihypaspistes, all kind of incredible rumors had reached him in the past days but he had been so busy with Achilles that had no idea if they were true or just the crazy imagination of people with too much free time and too little common sense. 

 

— Not just that, he cut his own hair too –said Lysimachus, changing his weight from one foot to the other— He is emulating his ancestor Achilles, mourning his own Patroclus, but he gave us quite a fright; we thought he was doing to cut his throat when he took the dagger. We are afraid he may try something against his own life so, the rest of the somatophilakes and I are taking turns to stay with him. 

 

— Do you think it will pass? –asked Seleucus— Do you think Alexander can overcome this?

 

— Honestly, I don’t know –Lysimachus shook his head— At least today he looks more awake, he even gave the order to build a memorial, the statue of a lion in honor to Hephaistion and to destroy the battlements of Ecbatana. He always decreed the whole Empire should mourn Hephaistion and preparations are beginning for his funeral… but only now, the Prince came to visit him, Alexander appears to be finally waking up. Literally for a week he was unable to give even the simplest orders. It is…shocking to see a man so strong so defeated.

 

I just hope Alexander doesn’t drag Achilles with him at the bottom of the abyss –thought the archihypaspistes— I’m glad Achilles can help to ease his pain, but he can’t carry with him…I won’t let Alexander burden his adopted son with his own sorrow. I will protect Achilles even from the King.

 

XXX

 

Just tell me why

Just tell me how

I can survive this time

I’ve tried to peer into the core

But could not storm the sorrow

My hollow heart has bled me dry, led me to stray

(Epica, Storm the Sorrow)

 

Soon Alexander couldn’t remain in Ecbatana, in the place that had seen his soul mate died, he couldn’t stand the corridor leading to that chamber where so much pain and so many tears had been shed and so, he ordered to prepare everything to move Hephaistion’s body in a magnificent funeral procession to Babylon. Achilles rode with him the entire journey, even when the King personally drove the funeral car, he always followed at his side. 

 

People along the road asked themselves if the King himself had died because of the splendor and magnitude of this display, men dressed on full military regalia, servants in dressed in black, horses and mules with their tails and manes cut. Alexander said not a single word in almost the entire way and only found solace when Achilles was with him, if the Prince was not around he immediately began to ask for him and refused to eat unless the boy shared his meal. 

 

— Dad, admiral Nearchos has arrived –Achilles informed him they were close to the city.

 

The Prince was taking care of many of the King’s affairs just as Hephaistion had done, until Alexander named another Chiliarch or felt better to do them himself, Achilles would help him. Surprisingly but this time Eumenes had said nothing. The royal secretary was well aware his personal relationship with the dead man was bad, to say the least, and was truly afraid of the King’s reaction if he began to complain about his adopted son’s behavior.

 

At first Achilles thought Alexander hadn’t heard him, sitting as he was with his head bowed in his tent, but when he was about to open his mouth…

 

— Send him in –he said at last.

 

— Alexander, the Chaldeans sent a warning for you –said the admiral once he was received in the royal presence and had presented his condolences. Nearchos had also heard rumors about the King’s mourning but never thought they were true until he saw Alexander— They said you should stay away from Babylon. 

 

— I can’t do that –answered the King, a gray ghost of the man the admiral had left at Susa.

 

— Alexander, they said it’s dangerous that…

 

— I thank you for your warning but I can’t do as they ask –Alexander interrupted him— I will hold Phai’s…funeral games here…He is “the companion whom I valued as much as my life.”(1)

 

Perdikkas led the procession when they reached the ancestral city, crossing again the Ishtar gate, but, this time the colored glazed brick reliefs, in tiers, of dragons and bulls, symbolizing the gods Marduk and Adad, meant nothing to Alexander, this time when he entered the city it would be not in joy and pride…— The first time, I crossed this gate Hephaistion was at my side and now…—the tears clouded his eyes. The first time they came, the King had lost a bet and, in these magnificent gardens, his beloved had dressed himself like a King to receive him…

 

— If I win you'll do the same, everything I say for 3 days –said Hephaistion.

— Done.

 

His beloved’s voice floated to him like flowers’ perfume and, for a moment, he could almost feel his presence, as always, at his side— Always taking care of me…why did you leave me then? —his eyes stopped on the funeral car.

 

— Well, lets pretend I'm the King –said Hephaistion.

—    All right, and I am what? Your personal slave?

— Mm, no. You are my best General

 

I will never hear that voice again –and that made his heart ached. Never was such a cruel word— I miss you, how am I suppose to keep living without you?

 

— Dad, are you fine? –asked Achilles worried.

 

— No, son. I am not.

 

The Prince took his hand, riding at his side, and squeezed it. He was very far from being fine but, thanks to Seleucus, Demetrius and his uncles and aunt, he was feeling better, he was stronger than this and would prove he was the worthy son of his father— Besides, daddy would want me to take care of dad. Dad needs me –and that was what kept Achilles strong, what had made him stop crying.

 

XXX

 

— Your majesty, what you are asking is impossible –said one of the priests at the royal palace— The fire at the temples can only be extinguished when the Great King dies.

 

— The Great King died –replied Alexander. He looked older, much older, and the permanent sadness on his usual handsome face, his short hair and the paleness gave him a shocking appearance to whomever had known him before this tragedy— Hephaistion was my soul mate…—“was” how difficult was to pronounce that word— He too was Alexander and you will extinguish the fire of the temple or I will make a sacrifice of your blood to the shade of my beloved.

 

The priests left considerable more shaken than before they came in but agreed to do as the Great King commanded. Alexander was then left alone in a room that appeared too big and too lonely for him and closed his eyes, taking his hand to his forehead. It was in moments like these when he felt as if he could hear Hephaistion’s voice again, smell the chamomile in his hair and feel his breathing over his skin…

 

— Alexander –the King’s heart skipped a beat, it was his beloved’s voice, he was sure. He opened his eyes still expecting to hear from someone that Hephaistion was not dead, that this was just a mistake and then…then he saw his beloved standing a few paces from him, slightly hidden in the shadows. Could it be? Could it really be a mistake?

 

— Phai? –he exclaimed without voice, his uneven eyes big and round.

 

The man approached him and, as soon as the bashful rays of light illuminated him, the King saw it was Nikandros. Disappointment hurt him more than all his war wounds combined, but what was he expecting? A miracle?— Yes, a miracle, why not? The Gods can do anything, can’t they? –he took a deep breath and leaned his back against the throne that once had belong to the Great Kings of the Achaemenid dynasty.   

 

— I am very sorry to disturb you –said the lochagos. A month had already passed and he was still sad, still dressed in black and mourning, but didn’t look half as bad the King, no one looked half as bad as he— But, I want to talk to you about my brother’s funeral.

 

The King nodded.

 

— Eumenes tells me it will take months to prepare everything as I want –months and thousand and thousands of talents. Alexander’s voice still trembled when he talked about Hephaistion— Phai…deserves to be treated like a King…like a God, that’s why I sent an envoy to Siwah to ask the priest to name him one. 

 

Nikandros thought that was the craziest thing he had ever heard and, for a moment, he began to think Alexander was truly losing his mind, but knew better than to say something— No. He is not crazy –he reconsidered, watching closely that man consumed by grief sitting on that magnificent throne— Alexander truly is the most powerful man of the known world, he does all this to mourn my brother not because he is crazy, but because he can. 

 

— You know, Nick? When I went to the Oracle at Siwah…the high priest said…he said…—Alexander cleared his throat— He told me these words: “You, my son, will be immortal, but your immortality will cost you, you'll have to pay with the life of your dearest” –Nikandros felt shivers running down his spine— I can’t accept that, I won’t be immortal without Phai and that is why I am asking the high priest to recognize him as a God, to…to…

 

— To have him always at your side, even in the afterlife –the lochagos guessed and the King nodded. Now this crazy idea had more sense. Silence fell over them and suddenly Nikandros didn’t know what else to do or say, he had business with Alexander but was at a lost of how to approach him now. 

 

— I am planning the most magnificent funeral games in his honor –the King suddenly continued, looking at some point at the distance— I have summoned 3,000 men to have contests in literature and athletics, Phai would have liked that.  

 

— I’m sure he would…Look, Alexander, I would like to talk to you about something –said Nikandros and this time the King turned to look at him.

 

His voice, when he keeps his voice low, it’s almost like hearing Phai again –he thought.

 

— I’m listening.

 

— Once the funeral is over, I want to ask for your permission to take my brother’s remains back to Pella –said the lochagos— We wrote to my mother and I am sure she will want to have her son back.

 

— No –Alexander wasn’t angry, not even upset, but he was sure of what he was saying.

 

— Alexander, my mother…

 

— Your mother is welcome here whenever she wishes to come –said the King— Your family is very dear to me and Antigone is as good as my own mother, but Phai will stay at my side, here. I have already ordered the construction of his tomb, Stasicrates will build a magnificent one where he can rest but here, in Babylon, at the side of the Great Kings of old. I’m sorry Nick, but I can’t grant your wish, not this.

 

I was very naïve, I always assumed Alexander would be sending Phai’s remains back home, but…I should have expected this. If he went as far as to ask the Oracle to name him a God, obviously he is not willing to let him go –thought the lochagos. He took a deep breath and brushed his hair back, making the King’s heart skip a beat, his Hephaistion used to do the same.

 

— Anyway, thank you for hearing me, Alexander –said Nikandros, he turned and left the King.

 

XXX

 

— But…why did he refuse? He can’t refuse, mom has the right to mourn Phai –said Berenike when Nikandros came back with the news— I’ll talk to Alexander, he…

 

— He is drowning in his own grief –the lochagos interrupted her, pouring himself a cup of water-wine— Alexander is lost and has no idea of what to do without Phai. I really don’t know how was that I didn’t see it –he shook his head—I should have never asked.

 

His sister approached him while he drank.  

 

— Phai deserves to rest with dad and grandpa Demetrios –Berenike insisted— Not here, so far away from home, alone in a strange land.

 

— Eni, what do you think Phai would have wanted? –Nikandros put the cup down— To be at dad’s and grandpa’s side or to stay with Alexander? –that successfully left Berenike without words— That’s what I thought too. Now, listen to me, you won’t talk to Alexander about this, understand? Not a word about Phai’s tomb –his sister nodded. 

 

— I promise…Nick?

 

— What?

 

— Is he really that bad?…Alexander, I mean –asked Berenike, biting her lower lip.

 

— Yes, he is –Nikandros sighed— Aki has been sleeping with him every night and the boy told me Alexander wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night and just start crying…

 

His sister cleaned a tear with the back of her hand.

 

— This is so hard and Alexander is only making it worst –the bitterness and resentfulness in Berenike’s voice caught Nikandros by surprise— Drypetis is devastated, Nick. She has been crying everyday since we arrived with Phai’s body, the same as Yarsa; Kyros went to live with his lover, Glycon, still blaming himself for what happened, and Aki has to take care of Alexander when it should be Alexander the one taking care of his son. Aki is his responsibility now that Phai is gone…—he voice trembled— Seleucus has been of more help, always at Aki’s side. Alexander even forgot today is his son’s birthday and this…orgy of grief doesn’t let us move on.

 

— Eni, listen to what you are saying –said the lochagos— You are blaming Alexander for being depressed.

 

— He is not just depressed, he is crazy –said Berenike, not caring who may be listening— It’s been a month since Phai died, a freaking month! And he doesn’t let us move on, to overcome our loss, because he is unable to it. He wants us all to be as sad as he is. Well, news! Not all of us can grief as he, and I am tired, I am tired of being sad. I miss Phai but I can’t be feeling like this for the rest of my life.

 

She began to cry and Nikandros embraced her. Berenike was right, Hephaistion’s death was extremely difficult for them and yes, Alexander’s behavior was just a constant reminder, but he couldn’t find in him to blame the King— Phai was so easy to love…how can I blame the man who owned his heart for be devastated?

 

XXX

 

Achilles arrived to the garden where Hephaistion’s body laid, over a platform, dressed in dark red with his best cloths, his hair perfectly combed, sliding over his right shoulder with a red ribbon decorating it. Xsayarsa had insisted in taking care of him, he personally, with the sole help of Atash, had washed the body and arranged it, making him look as beautiful as he was in life. The eunuch had cried uncontrollably during the process, unable to stop, thinking over and over again in that day when he had taken care of Hephaistion for the first time at the royal concubines’ tent… 

 

— I'm going to comb, bath and dress you –explained Xsayarsa very serious.

— Are you insane? Who do you think I am? A concubine?

 

— Peris…you didn’t…deserve…to die…like this…—had sobbed the eunuch on Achilles’ shoulder days ago— He…he…he was so beautiful…and good…

 

The Prince looked around and was surprised to find his father alone, he had expected to find Xsayarsa, after all the eunuch came everyday to leave flowers and stayed for a while to, as he said, keep Hephaistion company.

 

— He must be lonely –had said Xsayarsa with red puffy eyes when Achilles asked him why did he come— Peris always complained because I’m too noisy but…he also said he missed me so…I thought, it would make him happy to know I am here…

 

But this afternoon Xsayarsa wasn’t here. Achilles saw a great number of flowers and incense had been around the body—A flowerbed –Hephaistion’s body was covered with petals in an effort to fight back the dreadful smell of death. Yes, the body had been embalmed but that didn’t mean it didn’t have a peculiar aroma. The garden was full with gifts, small statues of ivory and gold with the likeness of his father, decorations and even swords or daggers the King’s Companions had brought to the dead Chiliarch.

 

“Many of the Companions, out of respect for Alexander, dedicated themselves and their arms to the dead man, a gesture initiated by Eumenes, who, had quarreled with him.” (2)  They all knew how Alexander was grieving and also noticed this small gestures pleased them and so, very soon, everybody was coming to pay his respects to Hephaistion— Even Roxanne –thought Achilles, watching a magnificent bouquet of golden flowers she had left at his father’s feet. 

 

Today was his 15th birthday but everybody appeared to have forgotten it— Everybody but Dris, Seleucus and Sophia –it didn’t matter, they were still grieving and, even if he would have a choice, the Prince wasn’t in the mood for big celebrations. He was sad but, not as he thought he would be. The first week had been terrible and for moments it had appeared as if he would have never be able to be happy again, but, seeing how bad was Alexander gave him strength to fight back that sadness threatening to consume his heart— I know you would have wanted this, daddy –he thought, standing at the side of the body— I will take care of dad, I promise. You’ll see, I will make you proud of me.  

 

The Prince was Hephaistion’s sole heir. The late Chiliarch’s seal ring, grandpa Demetrios’ swords, his wealth and all his possession were now his, making the boy one of the richest men in the Empire, but this meant very little to someone who had lost his father and his friend. In honor of his father he had given a small fortune to Xsayarsa and Kyros, enough money for them to live like Kings for the rest of their lives, and the eunuch had expressed his wish of staying at Babylon, he had lost his mood to keep traveling with Alexander, and Kyros still had no idea of what to do.   

 

— Achilles –he turned, suddenly taken out of his thoughts, and found Leonnatos— I’m…very sorry to interrupt you here but, a delegation from Greece has just arrived and I can’t find Alexander.

 

— It’s all right. I will receive them –said the Prince, walking to his uncle’s side— Let my father rest.

 

XXX

 

It was late, very late, and Achilles hadn’t arrived. Alexander walked around his room like a cage lion, unable to sleep or even to eat, asking again and again for his Prince but always getting the same answer.

 

— He is with the Greek delegation –answered Isidoros— Sire, if you wish, I can summon him.

 

— No. It’s fine, but tell Achilles, as soon as he finishes, to come here.

 

— Yes, sire.

 

Alexander drank while he wait, he was drinking more and more every day, not caring anymore for his own health. Hours had passed and now he was beginning to regret not having called his son back— I’m behaving like an old man. I can’t always depend on my son –but Achilles was Hephaistion’s son, someone who reminded him of his beloved and his sole presence was like a balsam for his bleeding heart. He needed the boy at his side, everything, everyone who reminded him of Hephaistion was a welcome relief—Just like Nikandros’ voice –Nikandros!

 

The King was drunk but still able to stand up and issue orders, he feared to be left alone in his room, the same room where he and Hephaistion had shared nights of passion, nights of soft whispers and loving caresses, it was too much to bear alone, he couldn’t be alone. And Alexander was going to call his lochagos when the last person he expected to see appear in his room, standing in front of him.

 

— What are you doing here? –he asked more harshly than he had intended.

 

— I am worried about you –answered Roxanne in her sweetest voice— You are unwell.

 

— And what do you care? –he spat at her.

 

— I care for you –Roxanne approached him, slowly, carefully, watching closely the King’s reactions.

 

— Liar! You have always lied to me –said Alexander, feeling dizzy thanks to the wine— You hate my son and you must have danced in joy when you heard my Phai was dead –he hit the table with his fist, making the cup and jar jumped.

 

— I had nothing against Hephaistion –she said, in a loving voice, her eyes down— I have cried for him, and left flowers at his feet –those words caught the King’s attention— You are right to mourn him, he is a great lost and I can just imagine how difficult must be to sleep here, alone, without the comfort of his warmth –Roxanne luckily guessed exactly what was the King thinking, she closed the distance between them and took his arm and, when he didn’t resist, she embraced him— Hephaistion had no equal and the sun has no right to bright without him.  

 

— No…—Alexander’s voice trembled and she caressed his back.

 

Roxanne gave him exactly what he needed, she whispered the words he wanted to hear, consoled him and praised Hephaistion. She knew the only thing she needed was an opportunity and Alexander would let her share his bed again, just that, an opportunity, he was so devastated that would be easy to manipulate— But first the somatophilakes and then the brat stayed at his side day and night. It was the Gods doing the brat were busy tonight and I won’t waste this opportunity. 

 

XXX

 

Harpalus is dead –thought Achilles, walking back to the King’s chambers. The delegation coming from Athens came with the news. The now late Hapalus had escaped from the city and reached Crete and there he had been assassinated— I hope this will cheer dad a little —it was past midnight. The Prince was expecting to find his adopted father up and impatiently waiting for him and so the sight inside the room left him frozen in his spot.

 

Achilles stopped at the threshold and watched, not without surprise, a very naked Roxanne sleeping at Alexander side— Clever girl –he thought feeling disgusted. She had taken advantage of his adopted father’s state, of his sadness, his desperate need for love, for company and had sneak into his bed– This is a race. Roxanne does everything she can to continue in the race but even this was low, even for her –he thought what to do. If he ordered to take her out Achilles was sure Alexander wouldn’t object— But this is not the time or place to this meaningless demonstrations of power. I will deal with her in time, if I need to. 

 

And the Prince turned and left the room.

 

XXX

 

The army marched once again during winter. The Cossaeans, a mountain tribesmen who lived at the south of Ecbatana, gave the King the perfect excuse to do something, to try to stop that horrible pain oppressing his heat day and night. He was going mad and needed to leave the palace and his inactivity. The Cossaeans had charged the Great Kings of old to let them cross their territory but Alexander was not in the mood to continue this practice and advanced against them.

 

Achilles went with him, it was terribly cold and his allergies got the best of him but he couldn’t stay in Babylon knowing his adopted father was still far from being fine. And the Prince knew he had done the right thing when he saw what was happening…

 

— Are you sure you are not exaggerating? –asked Seleucus, walking with Achilles around the camp. The Prince looked like a teddy bear wrapped in furs and wool but at least had stopped sneezing— You know, maybe this is exactly what Alexander needs, a short campaign against some hairy savages may be able to distract him…All right, I agree that Alexander is being extremely cruel with the enemy, claiming they are an offering to Hephaistion’s shade, but if that helps him to feel better…

 

— No. Trust me, it’s not the case –Achilles blushed. His voice was changing and this had gotten him in truly humiliating, funny and awkward situations.

 

At least it made dad laugh –Alexander had been explaining to him the path they were going to take and when his adopted son began to ask questions letting his falsetto escaped every now and then, he started to laugh— But not like before. I may be wrong but, he would never laugh as he used.

 

— Dad may appeared to be fine but he is not –he continued, at least Seleucus never laugh, not like Demetrius who had fallen from his seat the first time he heard him talking since the embarrassing change began— He refuses to name a new hipparch for the hetairoi cavalry because he can’t bear to not call it “Hephaistion’s Division” –Achilles rubbed his hands together, looking for some warmth and blushed even more when Seleucus took them and rubbed his hands himself— But that’s not the worst, I am truly worried because…

 

— What? –asked the archihypaspistes intrigued when the Prince fell suddenly silence. Achilles didn’t answer, he stopped and looked around to see they were alone, small clouds leaving his mouth and he opened and closed it, thinking how to explain this.

 

— Give me your word you won’t repeat anything I say –asked the Prince, holding his gaze.

 

— You have it –answered the archihypaspistes. Someone else in his place would have laughed before Achilles’ serious expression but not him, Seleucus knew how important was for the Prince to give the proper importance to things, he was formal and strict, and paid great care to protocol. Achilles nodded.

 

— A couple of weeks ago, while we were heading to the Cossaeans’ village, I was ridding at dad’s side when we heard someone laughing –the Prince explained, his voice a mere whisper— Dad went pale as if he had seen a ghost, someone was laughing exactly like daddy; it was my uncle Nick and, since that day, dad has been inviting my uncle to dinner daily. 

 

— Your uncle and your father were very much alike –Seleucus pointed out— I don’t find anything unusual if Alexander wants to be near someone who reminds him of Hephaistion –Achilles shook his head.

 

— Dad is calling my uncle “Hephaistion” –said the Prince— I know he doesn’t do this on purpose but this only serves to make it even more disturbing, he even asked my uncle to take care of the hetairoi cavalry, he didn’t go as fair as to name him hipparch officially, but he is in all but name. Seleucus, what if he is truly losing his mind? –he was scared and the archihypaspistes understood he needed him.

 

I can’t forget he is just 15 –he thought.

 

— I don’t think Alexander is losing his mind –Seleucus reassured him— He is depressed, give him time and he will get use to your father’s absence.

 

— Would you? –asked the Prince— Would you get use to my absence if I die before you?

 

The intensity of his words left the archihypaspistes speechless. Achilles dying before him? That was nonsense!— I am older than him. By the time I am 70 he will be 52, he will be the one collecting my ashes –but, for a moment, he mused about that, about losing his precious boy, after all, he was very sickly. His heart hurt and he felt a knot in his stomach.  

 

— You are right –Achilles continued, saving him for answering such a difficult question— Maybe I am exaggerating. Time will tell; I just pray dad will be fine.

 

XXX

 

(1) Arrian. Anab. 7.14.6

(2) Arrian. The Campaigns of Alexander, p 373