CHAPTER 217

 

September

 

What? I am not cheating is just that August was truly a boring month, nothing out of the ordinary happened and I am sure you’ll fall a sleep if I began to tell you in detail all the delegations and embassies I had to receive daily. Everybody wanted to talk to the Great King, now that he was back after years of hard campaign you can very well imagine the alarming amount of pending things that required his immediate attention; but, since Alexander couldn’t attend every single one of them, I had to help. I have to admit I liked that kind of job and the general consensus agreed I was pretty good dealing with politics and diplomatic affairs.

 

Since I was a boy you, may remember, I always had problems adapting with the rest of my companions, I had problems understanding how my fellow countrymen thought, but, somehow, it was easier for me to deal with Persians and Asians. Maybe it was because everything was new and interesting, fascinating and intriguing to see how they saw the world…I don’t know. Yes, of course, I had to deal with Persians for years but this was the first time I had to do it at this level.

 

I tried to take Aki with me as often as I could so he could learn more about the administration of the Empire. I agreed with Alex that he needed to learn and now that he was 14 more than ever. My son had to be prepared in case something happened to the King and with all the problems around us, the revolt in Greece, the mercenaries, the satraps, the mutinies…we lived under the very real danger that someone may attempt against Alexander’s life and even if I had vowed long ago that my King would not die assassinated, I had to cover all possibilities.

 

I was very happy to see my son finally overcoming his problems, his smile brightened my days and I could do nothing more than to thank Seleucus and Demetrius for this. Achilles talked to me more, little by little he was opening for me, and I even had the opportunity to meet Demetrius and have a more civilize conversation with Seleucus, which was truly embarrassing. I had to make an effort and not think in all the things Aki had told me about him. But, unfortunately, not everything was perfect, at the end of September I began to feel unwell…

 

— You are working too hard, that’s the problem –said Nikandros, pacing around his brother’s room— You have to eat properly and rest, or even better, go to the doctor, haven’t you lover appointed a personal doctor for you? Call the man!

 

The Chiliarch sighed and pressed his thumbs against his temples, his elbows resting on his desk, a magnificent piece of furniture that had once belong to Artaxerxes Ochus. Hephaistion had never been found of things, but he had a favorite couch, a bed he loved almost as much as he loved his son, and this desk. It was curious how he enjoyed so much the simple pleasure of life whereas other men needed great luxuries and wealth to feel content. 

 

— I’m sure is nothing, I just have headaches –answered Hephaistion— Oh, don’t look at me like that! –he let his arms fell on the desk— Tell me something, can you remember the last time I fell sick? Sick not wounded.

 

And his brother puffed his cheeks out, changing his weight from one foot to the other. 

 

— Sick? Wow! When you were 10 and you caught a cold for playing with me outside during winter –answered Nikandros but then he remembered something else— No, wait. When you were 12 we both fell sick after eating wild berries. I think that was the last time…if you don’t count your lost of memory as a sickness.

 

— See my point now? I never fell sick so it’s nothing –said the Chiliarch, so sure of himself that one may think he was the greatest of all doctors— As you said, I just need to eat and rest and everything will be fine. 

 

The lochagos wasn’t very sure about it but his brother was so calm that he decided to trust his word— It’s his health, I guess Phai knows better.

 

— If you say so –Nikandros walked around until he rested his back against the window frame. He took a moment to admire his brother’s room, the magnificent carpets, the ceiling painting like a summer morning, the furniture that appeared a piece of art, and let himself get lost in the luxury before speaking again— Phai, I am curious. Did your highly jealous lover got angry when you slept with your wife?

 

Hephaistion narrowed his eyes. Only Nikandros would be capable of asking something like that— 37 and he still behaves as if he were 17 –but that was part of his big brother’s charm…or curse, it depended.

 

— That’s none of your business –he answered, for a moment forgetting about that terrible headache hitting his skull like a hammer.

 

— Oh, come on! After all we have lived together and now you are being chaste with me? –Nikandros mocked him.

 

The Chiliarch sighed and crossed his arms. He had many options now, not answer, kick his brother out or just answer— And knowing Nick he would not drop this until he gets an answer –he sighed. 

 

— No, he did not get angry –he said at last.

 

— Why not? –now he sounded like Ptolemy hearing a specially juicy gossip.

 

— You are the worst, Nick. Have I ever tell you that?

 

— Many times but you are not answering my question –the Chiliarch rolled his eyes.

 

— He wasn’t angry because it was his idea in the first place and also because he wants to have my children as cousins of his children –Hephaistion explained— Alex has this crazy idea of marrying a daughter of his to Aki so, when they have children, he and I would have grandchildren in common.

 

Nikandros laughed as if he hadn’t heard something funnier in his entire life, bending to the front and making his brother frown.

 

— That’s the sickest thing I have ever heard.

 

— Get out!

 

As things turned out I did not feel better, each passing day I felt more and more tired, some days I even had to cancel my appointments because I couldn’t leave my bed, but I had so many things to do that I paid no attention to my health. It was not as important as the Empire because this Empire was Alex’s dream and there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to see my lover happy…

 

— Phai, you look extremely tired –said Alexander one night— Are you sure you are not overworking? Because you do that –he accused his beloved as if he were scolding Achilles. 

 

— I am fine –Hephaistion lied, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. His entire body hurt as if he had been exercising the whole week and all his muscles screamed asking to lay down and never move again— I just need a couple of days and I’ll be as good as new.

 

The King wasn’t too sure about that. He didn’t like to see his beloved like this, so pale, with shadows under his eyes and his eyes half open as if it were an effort to keep them open.

 

—I will send Glaucias to your room –he said— You truly…

 

— You are exaggerating –the Chiliarch interrupted him— It’s nothing…I just have a headache. 

 

— Do you want a tea or something?

 

— No, just pamper me tonight –Hephaistion smiled— I love when you caressed my head until I fall asleep.

 

Alexander returned the smiled and did as he was told, climbing the bed and embracing his beloved, feeling how this undefeated warrior cuddled against him, closing his eyes. If the Chiliarch could he would have purred like a kitten, melting under the King’s caresses, feeling safe, relax, calm, nothing bad could happen to him as long as he were with his lover. Everything was perfect if they were together— I will be fine soon, I just need to rest…

 

We were getting ready for the upcoming festivities in honor of Dionysus and the last thing I wanted was to ruin everything with my health problems. Yes, I know, I can see you shaking your head but I had no way of knowing how badly was my situation. As I said to my brother I never fell sick and I thought this would pass…Obviously I was wrong.

 

October

 

Alexander organized a splendid festival in honor of Dionysus with music, athletic competitions and 3,000 Greek performers specially brought for the occasion. The celebrations promised to be greater than the ones held at Carmania and the troops and the population were looking forward to this magnificent event. Several lavishing banquets were held during the festivities and the King and his friends enjoyed without limits a life that for centuries had only been the privilege of the Great King of the Achaemenid Dynasty. They could be just officers of the most powerful army of the known world but during banquets, they behaved like true Kings.

 

Any other night Hephaistion would had enjoyed the party, any other night he would have laughed and joked like the rest of his friends, any other night he would have drink with his King and teased him, but not tonight. This night he felt so bad that was barely aware of what was going on around him, like floating in the nothingness, lost and sleepy.

 

For many I have been feeling like this but that night was worst. I wanted to believe in time everything would pass, but the truth was my symptoms became more violent until I could no longer fight them with lies and false promises of a better tomorrow. I was sick, and only then, when it was too late, I was able to admit it.

 

— Have you seen Eumenes’ wife? –asked Perdikkas, sitting near the Chiliarch— I have seen cows slender than her –that made their friends laugh out loud but for Hephaistion, their laughter, the music, the words, everything, seemed distant sounds. Colors became blurry shades and he could feel, with intensity, his own heart beating against his throat, boom, boom, boom...like a war drum.

 

His mind felt numb, to think became an effort. Was he suspended in thin air? He appeared to move as if on a ship, the world spun around but, he couldn’t care, he was so tired, he did not care if everything were moving around, he did not make sense out of Perdikkas’ words and did not understand what was being said around. He only wanted to close his eyes and let himself fall in that blissful oblivion. He was so tired…

 

— PHAI! –the Chiliarch heard a voice, he wanted to open his eyes but he couldn’t. Why were they so heavy?— Phai, Phai –Alexander ran at his side, catching him before he fell and shook him by the shoulder. But his beloved did not answer and soon he passed out in his arms, the same as he had done at the desert.

 

The King held him and shouted calling for the doctor. Isidoros hurried to obey and Nikandros arrived shortly after, jumping over the couches to reach his brother’s side, helping Alexander to carry Hephaistion back to his room— I knew there was something wrong with Phai, I knew it –only then the King regretted not having forced his beloved to go to the doctor— Why did I listen to him? I should have sent Glaucias without asking for his permission.  

 

— Ares’ balls! He is burning –cursed the lochagos, resting his hand on the Chiliarch’s forehead as soon as they reached his room. Kyros ran to fetch fresh water while Alexander laid Hephaistion on his bed.

 

— Did you know he was sick? –asked the King more sharply than he had intended but in those moments he was close to hysterical. Hephaistion was sick! Sick enough to collapse in the middle of a banquet, he couldn’t remember the last time he had been sick. But Nikandros shook his head.

 

— He was complaining about headaches days ago, but he said it was nothing –answered the lochagos— He said he was fine.

 

— What happened? –Achilles arrived without breath after running all the way from the hall. He hadn’t seen his father collapsing but had heard the King’s shouts and the commotion that followed.

 

— Your father has fever –explained the lochagos without entering in details. He too was close to being completely hysterical and the same as the King regretted not having done something for his brother before it came to this.

 

— Had someone called the doctor? –asked the Prince, he wanted to help, to do something but had no idea of what.

 

— I did –answered the King. Since Alexander named Hephaistion his Chiliarch he also appointed him a personal doctor, a man named Glaucias, who arrived as fast as he heard Hephaistion was ill.

 

Nikandros and Achilles waited outside with Alexander, barely hiding their anxiety and concerned, the lochagos pacing around like a cage lion and the Prince holding his cloths with force. The King was as immobile as the statues Lysippus had made him and soon Perdikkas and Leonnatos arrived too, the latter asking about his brother-in-law but all he got was a cold glare from Alexander that made him close his mouth again. The King wasn’t in the mood for talking.  

 

— The Chiliarch will need to rest, sire –said the doctor after what appeared to be hours— I think it may be something he ate so, the best thing will be to keep him fasting, only liquids, and kept the room fresh and well ventilated.

 

The King nodded. He was so tensed that his jaw was clenched and the vein in his neck visible as if he were making an effort.

 

— I will see to it.

 

XXX

 

Alexander did not go as far as to cancel the festivities but he did not join them, he could not knowing his soul mate was sick, lying helplessly weak on a bed, unconscious and barely breathing. How could he be celebrating when he was unable of even thinking correctly without the reassuring presence of his beloved at his side? Instead he stayed at Hephaistion’s side, taking personal care of him, day and night made no difference to him, he was not going anywhere until his soul mate recover.

 

It had been so long since the last time the King had to take care of him, was it at Pella after the Byzantium campaign? Or maybe it was after his beloved’s duel against Dardanos, the Hell Hound? No, it had to be after the march through the desert— People think I am the strong one, but its Phai the one who is always taking care of me, watching my back on the battlefield, watching over of my health, he is even there when I have a bad dream, ready to protect me even from myself.

 

Yes, Hephaistion was always there for him, now it was his turn. It brook Alexander’s heart to see his beloved in that sorry state, such a strong man trembling uncontrollably because of the fever, sweating cold, so badly, that the King often had to order the servants to change the sheet 3 times in one day. There were times when the Chiliarch murmured intelligible words, others where he kept his eyes tightly shut as if suffering from terrible pains or having a nightmare.

 

And it enraged and frustrated Alexander, to be there and unable to do a thing to help the most important person in his life, the one for whom he would give everything without a second thought. There were things that not even a King could do. Alexander could be the most powerful man of the known world, the Oracle at Siwah may had named him a God but, not even his myriad of titles and honors, his many deeds and achievements, were enough to safe the only life he wanted so desperately to save.

 

— Phai, you will be fine –he caressed Hephaistion’s head fondly, the infinite love he felt for him shining in his uneven eyes, trying to console him, to let him know he was there, holding his hand— You are not alone and I will not let anything bad happen to you…I swear it, and you know I always keep my promises –he caressed the back of his beloved’s hand with the thumb— We have been through worst…do you remember after the campaign at Byzantium? Your wound was infected and I…I thought you were dying but…you prove me wrong and here we are.

 

Alexander kissed his forehead. Hephaistion was burning and trembling, the doctor had forbidden them to cover the Chiliarch and he had only a thin blanket over him— But he never said anything against embracing him –and so the King climbed the bed, and embraced Hephaistion, feeling how little by little, his beloved stopped trembling, cuddling against him, looking for some warmth.

 

— I will always be with you –whispered Alexander against his damp hair— Do you hear me? Always, no matter what, we belong together and together we’ll be. 

 

XXX

 

— Go to rest, Alexander –asked Nikandros 2 days later. He, the same as Achilles, Lysanias, Berenike, Leonnatos, Perdikkas and the rest of the King’s friends, went daily to check on both, to ask about Hephaistion’s condition and to see Alexander didn’t fell sick— I can stay with my brother, you have been here for 2 whole days.

 

But the King shook his head, his uneven eyes on that pale face he loved so much. Leave? How could Nikandros ask him to leave? He was not going anywhere until his beloved was fine again— There is no other place I would rather be –yes, he was tired, yes, it wouldn’t be bad for him to sleep and eat something but he couldn’t do it.  

 

— I am fine. I want to stay with him –not only Nikandros, all his friends asked him the same thing that week, even Achilles, they all offered themselves to take care of the Chiliarch to let the King rest, but it was in vain. Alexander refused to leave Hephaistion’s side no mattered what they said, no mattered how they insisted.

 

— Alexander, Hephaistion had been ill before –said Ptolemy on the third day— Do you remember after his fight with Dardanos? He survived. I have never before know someone as strong as he is, you’ll see he will be better in no time but you –he shook his head— But you should rest, think in what is Hephaistion going to say when he wakes up and finds you like this?

 

But the King did not listen. Often he would woke up in the middle of the night and ran to check if his beloved was still breathing, he used to do it 2 or even 3 times in one night scaring the servants and freaking Kyros out. Every time the King ran to Hephaistion’s bed, lighting all lamps, the poor Theban thought the Chiliarch had died.

 

On the fifth night Alexander woke up the entire palace when Hephaistion started having problems to breath, he was sure his beloved was suffocating and was closed to a panic attack watching him fighting for the precious air— No, please Phai, don’t do this to me, you have to live, I can’t go on without you.

 

— He will have to sleep sitting –said doctor Glaucias, still dressed in his sleeping tunic— And try to make him drink this tea, it will help.

 

— Alexander…—said a very timid Berenike, also in her sleeping tunic and covered in a robe— If you want, I can prepare the tea right now.

 

The King just nodded, he didn’t trust his voice, he felt so tired, scared, worried…and the Gods knew what more. He looked as bad as Hephaistion and that was beginning to scare them all. What if the Chiliarch died? It was a question suspended over everybody’s head but one nobody dared to ask aloud.

 

— Dad, I will stay with you –said Achilles— We both can look after daddy.

 

— Thank you, son.

 

XXX

 

— I don’t understand, Phai has always been ridiculous healthy, why is he so sick now? –said Leonnatos outside his brother-in-law’s room. All activity in the palace had stopped and everyone appeared to be paying attention to what was happening inside the Chiliarch’s room.

 

— Once, long ago, I heard my mother saying that, when a person who never falls sick fell sick, its always mortal –said Perdikkas.

 

— Don’t say that! –Leonnatos scolded him— Phai will be fine. He has seen worst. 

 

— No, Leon. Phai has been seriously injured before but not sick –said the hipparch. He too was worried but, unlike Leonnatos, he was more pessimistic and was waiting the worst.

 

— It’s bad luck to be talking like that, you shouldn’t do it –his friend reprehended him— I will see Eni, she is truly scared.

 

XXX

 

By the sixth day Alexander was losing hope. He knew Hephaistion was a strong man, he had survived worst, he had faced worst, he would be fine…or not?— Phai survived his infected wound after Byzantium, he survived Dardanos, he survived Darius’ whipping, he survived living as a slave, he survived his arm wound after Gaugamela, he survived the Gedrosian desert… He survived! He will survive again –it became his prayer every night, every day, remembering all his beloved had overcome help him to ease his heart, even if it was just for a moment.

 

He sacrificed to all the Gods he could think of, Greek and Persian, Indian and Egyptian, he did not care, someone had to hear his prayers, someone had to answer him. He wanted a miracle, wanted to hear Hephaistion’s voice again, he wanted to see his smile…He wanted so much, but, was it such a bad thing? He was the Gods’ favorite son, even the Oracle agreed, surely the Gods wouldn’t abandon him– I want so much because I love so much.    

 

— What have I done to deserve this punishment? –cried Alexander the morning of the seventh day, sitting at the side of the bed, holding Hephaistion’s lifeless hand. He was losing hope, he was scared, terrible scared and was starting to believe that his soul mate, his beloved, his other half was truly going to die in front of his eyes— Why…?…I did nothing…Why do you take…him…from me?…—he did not know to whom he was talking, father Zeus? Ahura Mazda? Ammon? He knew nothing anymore— Of all I have…why the most…precious… in…my life?…

 

The King of King, the great conqueror and master of all Asia was a helpless boy in those moments, and he sobbed and trembled like Achilles feeling, for the first time in all his life, powerless and lost— Why? Why me? Why this? I have done nothing to deserve this…It would be more merciful to ripe my heart out than this…

 

— …I…—Alexander lifted his head when he heard his beloved’s voice. Was he hallucinating? Had grief finally stole his sanity?— …I’m…not…—no, it was true, Hephaistion was talking and his heart skipping a beat—…dying…

 

— Phai? –the King asked like a little boy, lost in a crowd looking for his mother and to his infinite joy, he saw how the golden-bronze arch of his beloved’s eyelashes trembled until his dark gray eyes half opened, looking at him. He was looking at him! Alexander felt about to faint.

 

— Oh dear Zeus! My love, you…—he did not know what to say, words choked in his throat and all he could do was caressed his head and looked at him, looked at him alive!

 

— …water…—Hephaistion asked with a ghost of voice and his lover ran to fetch a cup, stumbling against the furniture.

 

Alexander took him, with all care, behind his back and helped him to drink— He is awake. Oh dear Zeus, thank you. My Phai is awake!

 

— Phai…

 

— I…will…be…fine…—to talk was a supreme effort but Alexander looked so bad that his beloved could not remain silent, he hated to worry him, he hated to be a burden and had fallen sick in the worst moment, when they had so many things to do. Hephaistion forced himself to smile and that made the King cry again.

 

It was Alexander who should be comforting Hephaistion and once again it was his beloved the one taking care of him. He climbed the bed and sat at his side, embracing Hephaistion with all force and care, with infinite love, and cry, cry, cry for a long time, feeling his beloved’s weak hands over his arm.

 

XXX

 

— You motherless dog! Have you any idea of how worried we were for you? –Nikandros scolded his brother, angry as very few times in his life and sounding exactly like their late father— I told you to go to the doctor, I said you weren’t fine and you, stubborn son of a bad mother, didn’t listen and said it was nothing.

 

Hephaistion sighed. He was very far from feeling well, his whole body hurt, feeling as if he had excised for hours and was so weak that was alarming; he couldn’t raise his arms or stand up without help and Kyros had to stay at his side even to help him to pee. The Chiliarch hated to be so helpless, to be a burden, but there was really nothing he could do. He didn’t want to worry his dear ones and so he didn’t complain but the pallor on his face spoke louder than words.

 

— I am sorry –said Hephaistion with a ghost of voice, he still had problems breathing but at least, he was awake.

 

— Sorry is not enough, Hephaistion –said Nikandros entering in his father mood— This is the last time you do something like this, do you hear me? Next time I see you ill you’ll be sent to bed even if that means I have to tie you.

 

— You know Phai, this time I have to agree with Nick –said Berenike, frowning with her arms crossed, standing at his side. She too in her mother mood— What you did was reckless, you could have died, and poor Alexander –his sister shook her head— You should have seen him, he never left your side, he was so worried.

 

— Poor Alexander? I thought you hated him –said Lysanias.

 

— Well, it’s hard to hate him when he is looking so miserable –Berenike defended herself and that made Hephaistion think. How bad had Alexander looked to move his sister’s heart after his lover had killed her husband?

 

— Phai, I know I am the last person who should be scolding you –said Lysanias— But since our adventure at the desert you haven’t looked very well.

 

— What do you mean, midget? –asked Nikandros, frowning.

 

— He means the desert took its toll on me –answered Hephaistion, lying among soft cushions while Kyros prepared his tea at his side— My health is not what it used to be.

 

— Then, I am right and you are a bigger moron than I thought –his big brother kept scolding him— And you are not leaving this bed until I say so, understood?

 

— Yes, dad.

 

The worst thing was Alexander agreed with every word Nikandros had said and the Chiliarch had strictly prohibited to leave the room or to work, Kyros was in charge of seeing he didn’t even write letters or something, and they went as far as put the Theban to read to Hephaistion.

 

— That’s ridiculous! I can read by myself, what kind of effort could that be? –the Chiliarch protested but the King was adamant.

 

— Kyros will read to you and, if you don’t like his voice, I can find another person, but you will not move even one finger –and Hephaistion had no other choice but to obey.

 

I have to admit I desperately needed to rest. I felt extremely tired and spent all day sleeping. I was also hungry, terribly hungry, after been fed only with liquids and soups for a week, but my doctor strictly prohibited solid food and I hated him for that. Hunger was truly driving me mad, but between Alexander and Achilles saw that I ate nothing out from my diet. 

 

— Daddy, you are behaving like a child, the doctor said nothing solid, so finish your soup –the Prince scolded him, sitting at his side with a spoon in his hand and frown on his forehead.

 

— Aki, I think I will feel stronger if I actually eat meat or bread –said Hephaistion. He wanted to get better, he couldn’t stand watching Alexander’s worried expression adorning perpetually his face, and he knew his body, he was sure that, after wine and a good meal he would be as good as new.

 

— I said no, so, open your mouth and finish your soup –and it was impossible to convince Achilles.

 

Just 2 days after I woke up I was strong enough to worry about other things besides myself and, after hearing about competitions and the festival and the little fact that the King never left my side, I decided to convince Alexander to attend his own celebration. Why? Because it was good if people saw their King enjoying himself like the rest of them; even if you think its nothing these kind of thing were important for the common people and the rank soldiers.

 

For example, people in Rome hated when Caesar worked, dictating letters or something, during public spectacles whereas they adored Caesar Augustus for exactly the opposite. A King had compromises with his people and I couldn’t keep Alexander always at my side, even if the most irresponsible part of me wanted it, because it was not good for him.

 

— Phai, I want to stay with you –said Alexander but Hephaistion shook his head. The King truly looked bad, just as his sister had said, not to mention that it was no good to have him hidden in the palace while the festivities took place.

 

The last thing we need is to have more people saying that I manipulate the King –thought the Chiliarch— Not to mention he needs to get out and take fresh air. 

 

—  You have already done enough –said Hephaistion still with difficulty, Alexander could hear a slight hiss every time he breath— Go to the stadium, let people see you and take Aki with you. What competitions are schedule for today? 

 

— Boy’s athletics, I think, I really haven’t paid much attention –the King rubbed his eyes. 

 

— Is Aki participating this time?

 

— No, he was too worried about you to train –answered the King. That broke Hephaistion’s heart and convinced him that his lover and son should leave him, leave the palace, and have a good time.

 

They have already done enough for me –he thought. 

 

— I am sorry…I did not want to worry you –said his beloved and Alexander kissed his cheek.

 

— Don’t be silly –said the King— I love you, it’s my job to worry and take care of you –that made the Chiliarch smile— I will stay here, the competition is not that important.   

 

— Alex, you always say you would do anything for me –said Hephaistion, looking for his hand over the blankets— Do this for me, take Aki, have a good time, and we’ll see each other at night. You both need to take fresh air.

 

The King sighed.

 

— That’s cheating –his beloved smiled— Are you sure you’ll be ok?

 

— Alone in my room for the rest of the day? Unless a hired assassin comes, I think I’ll be fine –Hephaistion joked. 

 

Alexander fell silent, holding his gaze.

 

— Promise me you won’t leave this room, not even the bed.

 

— I promise with one condition –said his beloved and the King lifted one eyebrow— Sing for me, you know how much I like your voice.

 

And Alexander found himself unable to refuse.

 

XXX

 

Hephaistion slept most of the morning, Kyros had been reading to him but soon his eyelids felt heavy and he couldn’t remain awake for much longer. It was a hot day and the breeze coming through his open window was a refreshing relief, was like a lullaby making him fall into the arms of Morpheus. He woke up thanks to the grumbling of his stomach, he was so hungry that was beginning to be painful, even in his dreams he couldn’t stop thinking about food, a delicious banquet with enormous plates of ostrich meat and honey cakes like his mother used to cook. 

 

— Hephaistion, the doctor said you shouldn’t eat anything solid –said the Theban when the Chiliarch called him.

 

— I know what the doctor said but I know my body better than he –answered Hephaistion, sure of every word— Kyros, trust me, once I have ate I will feel better –he smiled at him— You have seen me recovering for worst.

 

And I can’t stay here, I have so many things to do –he thought. Kyros sighed, he wasn’t very sure that this was a good idea but he decided to trust him, Hephaistion was an intelligent man and he was usually right.

 

— Fine –the Theban scratched his head— Chicken and chilled wine? Are you sure?

 

— I would prefer ostrich, but I think it’s not an option at this time of the year –the Chiliarch smiled.

 

— I’ll see what I can do.

 

I had at my disposal an army of servants but I always felt more comfortable with Kyros. My poor Kyros, always so loyal and I caused him great pain with my imprudent request… I ate my meal with calm and, I have to admit, it tasted like glory… my last meal…funny, but I remember perfectly the taste of the boil chicken and that wine, not even after 2, 000 years I have been able to forgot. My last meal, after that, only blood had sustained me…

 

For a week I have been fasting and the food helped me to feel warmer and a little stronger. Why I did this? Why did I eat against my doctor’s orders? Quite simple. As I said, every time I got wounded rest and a good meal helped me to feel better and I desperately wanted to be fine again. Obviously I was wrong but I thought I was doing the right thing.

 

I think you can say that my fear of becoming a burden, the little I liked to worry my dear ones and the contempt I had for my own health, was truly what killed me. I was so used of always enjoying a privilege health, of having a strong body, that it made me reckless at the end. I didn’t lie to you when I said I regretted many things, and this is one of the things I regret the most…  

 

The wonderful feeling Hephaistion had enjoying while eating his first decent meal in a week quickly disappeared, replaced by a cold he had never felt before, running through his body, coming from his insides, from his very soul and spreading like a cancer. A terrible weakness claimed his limbs and soon he was unable to move, the room suddenly became something distant, as if he were parting from there, something he had never felt before but that soon, little by little, began to make sense to him…He was dying!

 

It was almost absurd. He, dying? After all the wounds he had suffered? After all the times he had laughed in the face of Death? But he could feel its cold fingers running through his body, moving around his neck and stealing his breath. Hephaistion moved his head, or at least thought he did, he wasn’t sure anymore of what was real… his thoughts came like shreds in a fog. He tried to open his mouth and say something, but no sound came out.

 

Eternal silence was eating away his soul, and nothing could stop it. When this idea took reign of his mind, Hephaistion knew true fear, and this sense of damnation and hoplesness brought the Dark. He found himself standing in the dark crypt of his dreams, the ancient prison smelling of doom and nightmares.

 

In that place not even Death rested.

 

The man sitting on the chair was there— No! I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to know who you are –something terrible was about to happen, it was the only thing he could still feel: a sensation as disturbing as it was intense and overwhelming. The coldest of touches, the final of caresses, kept suffocating him. He fought still, with the mirage of a smile he couldn’t loose, with the whisper of a promise of eternal love… He could not die like that!

 

But no one heard his prayers, no one came to save him from the oblivion that demmanded his being. The momment seemed eternal, and not enough… It was maddening, horrifiyng, but agony still had something to show him. Hephaistion saw the face of the man sitting there… He wanted to gasp, but air was no longer coming to his lungs.

 

It was him.

 

He was sitting there, in the middle of the crypt, looking 32, beautiful as he had never been; a marble God with no imperfections, a God who smelled of blood and ancient curses, with fangs as moonlight, smiling, mocking his pain and making fun of his misery…— Alexander, where are you?…—his last coherent thought was for the King and then, nothing.

 

XXX