Chapter 215

 

Warning: Dear everybody, this is an –M– Chapter and its also a chapter devoted almost entirely to Achilles, the plot demanded it and I wanted to write it. 

CHAPTER 215

 

June

 

After the failed mutiny things entered a state of feign tranquility that had Hephaistion tensed. He would have preferred to know about an open conspiracy against the King than this, everything was too calm and the Chiliarch could not avoid thinking a storm was coming— But what kind of storm? –so far only the rank soldiers or minor officers had been conspiring but, what would happen if more important men began to do it?

 

Achilles had told him about how the high officers began to fight against each other when the King was dying at India, and this had left Hephaistion worried, thinking over and over again of what were his companions capable of— Again, I am thinking too much –he sighed— If we can’t trust Perdikkas, Leon, Ptolemy or Seleucus…who can we trust? –they were all honorable men and had never done something to make him think otherwise.  

 

I should go to bed –he had been sleeping terribly, afraid of that dream of the man and the crypt, every night it was more recurrent and, somehow, he was afraid of its meaning. Hephaistion called Kyros and asked for wine, maybe if he drank enough would fall asleep— And have no dreams. 

 

And after emptying almost an entire jar of un-watered wine, the Chiliarch collapsed on his bed. He never knew for how long had he been sleeping, at last without dreams, when he was abruptly wakened up. Achilles was there, embracing his father with all his forces. The sudden movement made the Chiliarch opened his eyes and he found his son curled against his chest, crying as if his heart were falling apart. Hephaistion was feeling a little stunned after being woke up like this, not to mention thanks to all the wine he had drank, but he embraced his son and found the sufficient brain activity to ask…  

 

— Aki, what’s wrong? –his voice was husky and still sleepy. But Achilles did not answer, he kept crying feeling his father caressing his head; and he stayed there, crying with all his forces, unable to stop. 

 

Hephaistion just embraced him, kissing his head and waiting for his boy to calm down, whatever had happened to him had left him truly shaken, but he needed to wait before asking again why was he so sad— I can bet my grandfather’s swords that this has something to do with Seleucus or Demetrius –he heard Achilles’ hiccup and soon the boy began to sob but still, he said nothing. 

 

This can’t go on, this is not right –and feeling his son’s slender body shaking in his arms made the Chiliarch remember a night, many, many years ago when he had cried like this, wanting with all his forces to die, and that scared him. Could it be his son was feeling the same?

 

— Phai, you don't have to suffer alone –said Amyntor—You always solve your problems by yourself, and sometimes it’s fine to ask for help. Please Phai, don't deny me the opportunity to help you. You are my son.

 

My son is doing the same as I did –he realized with horror and he had to stop this. 

 

— Aki, there is something I have never told you –said Hephaistion, softly, his voice full with love and understanding— Something… terrible that happened to me when I was a year younger than you –he caught the Prince’s attention, not only because of what his father had said but in the way he was pronouncing those words— When I was 13, I went to the royal palace to serve as a page. King Philip chose me as his page and one night…he…he raped me –Achilles lifted his face to see father, he had never be this surprised in his young life. 

 

— My grandfather raped you? –the Prince asked, his own tears now forgotten— Why?

 

— He desired me –answered the Chiliarch, it was difficult, very difficult for him to say this but it was necessary; he did not want his son to make his same mistakes— And he forced me into his bed many times –his voice trembled, it amazed him to see how close was he to cry, how much this affected him even after years.

 

Just when I thought I had overcome this…but…—the memory was still fresh, like an opened wound.

 

— I wanted to die, Aki –he remembered clearly that horrible feeling of impotence, the pain, the humiliation and the disgusting way in which King Philip touched his body, his breath...Everything! That was too much and a fat tear slid down his cheek, alarming and surprising his son— It was more than I could bear, to feel him…night after night…

 

Hephaistion cleared his throat and Achilles embraced him with force but this time, trying to comfort his father instead of looking for comfort. Shaken and impressed by his father’s words, unable to come out of his shock but wanting to do something for him. 

 

— Daddy…—he felt like crying again— Did…did dad know about this?

 

— Yes, that was why he rescued me –Hephaistion let a sad smile curved his lips. He did not want to cry in front of his son, he did not want to worry him, but it was so difficult— Taking me to Mieza with him.

 

— But…you should have told someone, uncle Nick, grandpa, grandfather Amyntor…—the Prince was alarmed, it was shocking to see a man as strong as his father like this.

 

— I did not want to cause them problems –said the Chiliarch, clearing his throat again— The King himself wanted me, what could my father had done?

 

— But I’m sure my grandfather Amyntor would have done something –said Achilles with such conviction that Hephaistion smiled again.

 

— Son, if you are so sure your grandfather Amyntor would have been able to help me, why don’t you trust me to help you? –that question took the Prince aback and then he understood the moral of the fable— Aki, I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. You have no idea how I regret not having talked to my father before…

 

Before he killed King Philip –but that was something he would never say.

 

— You are right, son –he continued— Your grandfather Amyntor would have been able to help me but…I never give him the opportunity –Achilles fell silent, feeling embarrassed— You don’t trust me?

 

— I do! –exclaimed the Prince, louder than he had intended— I do…but…sometimes I don’t know how to explain myself.

 

— Just tell me, you know I won’t judge you –said Hephaistion and his son took a deep breath— Its fine to ask for help –he told him the same thing Amyntor had said to him long time ago and his son nodded, gathering all his courage. 

 

— I slept with Demetrius –and Achilles told the Chiliarch everything. Once he began to talk he was unable to stop and told Hephaistion absolutely everything, even details his father would have preferred him to omit but, true to his word, he did not judge the boy and fell silent listening with all his attention…

 

The situation had already lasted for months, Achilles knew it was wrong, he knew he had to say ‘no’, he knew it was not only for his sake for also for Demetrius whom, he was sure, was falling in love with him. The Prince knew all this and, despite of it, could not find in him the strength or the courage to pronounce that simple word ‘no.’ The page was a wonderful friend, if a God had appeared in front of Achilles asking him to describe his ideal friend, he would have never get someone more perfect than Demetrius. 

 

Antigonus’ the One Eyed son was smart, tall, handsome, a great athlete and understood better military affairs than Achilles— And he loves me, against all odds, he loves me and chose me –and that was what always stopped the Prince from saying ‘no’. Oh, how could be someone so afraid of a simple word, ‘no’? How could he repay what Demetrius gave him if not letting him touched him? It started with soft clumsy kisses, then, it evolved to soft clumsy caresses, but now…

 

Each passing day Demetrius wanted more, each passing day his caresses were bolder though at the same time, shy. He had no idea of how to touch the Prince but he wanted to and Achilles just let him. But this night was worst than others, because this night in his friend’s room, feeling the page’s kisses over his face, his hands over his body, the Prince knew Demetrius wanted to go farther and he could not say ‘no’ because it was Demetrius’ birthday.

 

— Mm, Aki –sighed the page against his lips, lying over the Prince, his inexperienced hands under his sleepy tunic, moving up and down his sides— You have no idea for how long I have…dreamed…of this.

 

Achilles would have asked, what had he dreamed if it weren’t for the hard desire of his friend against his thigh. Demetrius kisses were as clumsy as they were sweet but inevitably made the Prince compared them, even in he did not want, to Seleucus’s kisses. Whereas the page bite him and licked him as if he were a gigantic lollipop, covering Achilles in saliva, the archihypaspistes knew how to touch him, where and how long to have him melting and moaning helplessly. 

 

But the Prince said nothing and did nothing, as he always did, which made Demetrius think he was terribly shy. The page lifted Achilles’ sleeping tunic, sliding his trembling hand through his thin thigh, between his legs, reaching his manhood.

 

— Dris…—the Prince gasped, blushing savagely. His entire body was screaming ‘no’ but his mouth was incapable of pronouncing that simple word. No one, except Seleucus had touched him so intimately and he had no desire of sharing his body with someone else— I…you…I mean…

 

— I know –Demetrius kissed his cheek fondly— Don’t worry…I…have never done this before either…but, I have been asking. I…I won’t hurt you –he misunderstood Achilles’ nervousness for his own. The page was virgin and his hands could not stop trembling, too anxious, excited, aroused and a little afraid, and that broke the Prince’s heart— Bend your knees up, please.  

 

All Achilles could think was ‘no’, but he did as he was told. Demetrius prepared him the best way he could, just as his older friends had explained, and that made Achilles remembered his first time with Seleucus— It was so different –it happened in India before they reached the Hyphasis River. Neither had planned it. They were kissing in Seleucus’ tent, but his 13 years old hormones started to boil feeling the archihypaspistes’ expert caresses after a few minutes of glorious foreplay that had his entire body screaming to be touched more intimately.

 

He hadn’t thought, just acted, moving until he was sitting on Seleucus’ lap, each knee pressing the other’s sides and his weigh deliciously crushing him. The archihypaspistes laughed without noise, leaving his lips for a moment.

 

— Achilles, if you don’t move now…I can’t promise you I will behave –had said Seleucus, making his entire body burn.

 

— But…what if…what if I don’t want you to…behave –the Prince had felt as if smoke were coming out from his ears. He was terribly nervous and, when he lifted his eyes found something that made him suck his breath, a naked hunger dancing in the archihypaspistes’ unnerving dark blue eyes.

 

Seleucus took him by the thighs, making him gasp.

 

— Are you sure? –he had to ask. The archihypaspistes had dreamed for years with this moment, wanting to have him so badly that he had ended buying Laios, bedding his slave with overwhelming passion, imagining he was the Price. But the last thing he wanted was to hurt his beautiful boy, and he had to know he was ready.

 

— Yes –Achilles nodded, feeling terrible vulnerable, something he hated but, in those moments he didn’t care.

 

But Seleucus was wonderful, so careful and loving and, at the same time, so freaking hot –and Achilles had loved that first time.

 

The archihypaspistes had also asked him to bend his knees up and the Prince had never been this nervous in his entire life, lying on Seleucus’ bed so exposed, completely naked with his legs spread, and thinking over and over again it was a terrible idea. 

 

— You surely must have had a lot of people here –said an extremely nervous Achilles, watching the ceiling of the archihypaspistes’ tent while clenching his fists with force over his lap— I-I mean a man like you, you surely have bedded boys more beautiful than…

 

— Look at me, Achilles.

 

— No.

 

— Why not?

 

— I don’t know…you…make me nervous –said Achilles, feeling his face burning. Seleucus moved closer and took his chin carefully, making him turn to see him.

 

— I love you –said the archihypaspistes with overwhelming intensity— I have never been with a boy half as beautiful as you are and yes, I have bedded quite a number of boys –he smiled— And women. But you –he kissed the Prince’s cheek— Are the first one I love.

 

And even if Achilles did not want to admit it, his words like silk over his naked body, making him feel butterflies in his stomach. Seleucus’ glorious fingers had made him touch the sky, melting his entire body while getting him ready. It felt like glory, as if all his dreams had become true and, for the Prince’s utterly embarrassment, he found his released. 

 

— I-I am sorry –Achilles had no idea of what else to say, it had just happened and now he felt terrible embarrassed. What was Seleucus going to say? A man as experience as he, older than his own fathers? But what Seleucus said was nothing. He kissed him so sweetly and so intently that the Prince forgot about everything.

 

And to have him inside was…wonderful –thought Achilles, remembering that strong body over him, and his own expression, his big round eyes when he saw Seleucus’…

 

— Oh, dear Zeus! That is not going to fit inside me –he had exclaimed with such innocent honesty that the archihypaspistes had laughed with all his forces before kissing his head.

 

— It will, just trust me –Achilles remembered his slow thrusts, looking not to hurt him but to make him see stars. If someone ever doubted Seleucus loved him, should have seen him that night. So many times the archihypaspistes had dreamed with this moment and, even if he wanted nothing more than to take him like a mad man, he restrained himself. 

 

— Are you…all right? –asked Seleucus with his voice full with desire, his body trembling with the effort of stopping to let the Prince get use to him. Achilles wanted to talk but was unable, the heat inside him was quickly stealing all his coherent thoughts and all he could do was nod. The archihypaspistes moved a little more inside him and the Prince arched, moaning with all his forces. It was so strange and so delicious, now he began to understand why people did this. 

 

— Zeus, Hades and Poseidon!…Oh, that’s…that’s…—the Prince panted not knowing how to describe that wonderful feeling.

 

Yes, his first time had been something he would never forget and that he could revive over and over again every time he wanted thanks to the love and devotion Seleucus felt for him, but this, what Demetrius was doing…

 

— Dris, you…you are hurting me –panted the Prince, unable to keep silent anymore, feeling how Demetrius tried to move inside him.

 

I don’t want to do this, I don’t –he thought, clenching his fists. 

 

— Mm, Aki…I…I am sorry…—the page apologized, panting and shuddering, wanting nothing more than to thrust inside him but, at the same time, truly sorry. Achilles bit his lip— Maybe if you…if you lift your hips… 

 

The Prince wanted to say ‘no’ but again he said nothing and did as he was told. This was very different from his nights with Seleucus, Demetrius tried his best to please him but ended hurting him. He was too far from having the archihypaspistes’ self control and did not know how to do this, but he felt so embarrassed and concerned knowing he was hurting him that the Prince decided once again to say nothing and bit his lower lip until it bleed, praying with all his forces that this would be over soon.

 

And it did.

 

The 15 years old boy thrust 3 or 4 times and all was ended, unlike Seleucus who could very well have him there for a long time if he wanted. Achilles moved away form his friend, resting on his side, giving his back to the page, feeling his butt throbbing painfully and hearing Demetrius panting at his side.

 

— Aki…—the page moved closer, taking him softly by the shoulder— Aki, are you all right? –the Prince did not answer— Aki, please, did I hurt you? Say something –Demetrius kissed his shoulder— I love you, Aki; the last thing I wanted was to hurt you –his voice trembled and that broke the Prince’s heart, again.

 

Achilles turned to face him.

 

— Dris, we need to talk –said the Prince but when he tried to sit he winced, it hurt.

 

— Dear Zeus! I did hurt you –exclaimed the page horrified.

 

— A little but, don’t worry –he forced himself to smile— It’s nothing.

 

Demetrius sweetly kissed his lips as an apology.

 

— I am so sorry, but, as I said, I have never done this before –he said— I wanted it to be perfect, so you could remember your first time as a wonderful thing…

 

— Dris…

 

— But, I promise you, next time will be different…

 

— Dris…

 

— I should have asked one of my father’s friends instead of the older pages…

 

— Dris, I was not virgin! –Achilles had to raise his voice and this successfully left the page speechless.

 

— Oh…—Demetrius was truly taken aback, confused and lost. How was the situation had changed so drastically?— I…I did not know…I…Who was your first? –that was the only thing that came to his mind. Achilles took a deep breath. 

 

— Archihypaspistes Seleucus –this was so embarrassing. Well, technically his first was the hetaira his uncle Nikandros had gotten for him, but in this case, the hetaira did not count.   

 

— Oh –the page was as stunned as if someone had hit him with a rock— I did not know you have an erastes –he felt so stupid in that moment. 

 

— Seleucus is not my erastes –said Achilles, as softly as he could, he did not want to humiliate his friend— He is my lover.

 

— Do you love him?

 

Why does everybody ask the same thing? –thought the Prince.

 

— No.

 

— But you like him –that wasn’t a question— Why didn’t you tell me before? I thought you like me –he was hurt, sad and angry.

 

— You are my best friend –said Achilles, he was in the situation he had feared for a long time and did not know what to do or what to say— I love you as my friend but…but I don’t like you the way you want.

 

— Then why did you sleep with me? Why have you been letting me kiss you all these months? –when the Prince failed to answer Demetrius stood up.

 

— Dris, please. I do not want you to be angry with me, that is why I said nothing. I thought the least I could do for you was to let you touch me and… –Achilles explained— You mean a lot to me.

 

— Apparently not as much as Seleucus…just leave, Achilles –said a furious Demetrius through clenched teeth— I don’t want to see you.

 

The Prince felt as if his heart were falling apart, he did as he was told and ran back to his room, making his best not to cry. He felt so miserable, he had played with his dear friend and now Demetrius was angry with him. He did not know what to do, and felt so sad that went to only place where he felt truly safe…his father’s side.

 

— I screwed everything up –Achilles continued his story— Demetrius must hate me but I couldn’t refuse him. It was his birthday! And he is always so nice with me. And now all I did was for nothing.

 

It took Hephaistion a moment to arrange his ideas. To learn about his son’s sex life was one of the things he really never wanted to do— Especially not with so many details…Gods! I won’t be able to face Seleucus again, knowing he is so well “equipped”–but what had truly shaken him was to learn how far had gone Achilles just to have his friend happy and how afraid he was of admitting his own feelings.

 

— Aki, I won’t lie to you –said Hephaistion as softly as he could— But you are right and this is your fault –his son looked at him miserable, what he had said was like kicking a wet hungry puppy in the street— But I won’t waste time worsening your situation and telling you what you should have done. It too late for that and it would only make you feel terrible. What I will tell you is what do you have to do now. You have to talk to Demetrius.

 

— But he hates me!

 

— He is upset, and you can hardly blame the poor boy for this–said the Chiliarch— You told him about Seleucus in the worst possible way and after making him believe for months you liked him. I don’t think he hates you, he just needs time, and then, go and talk to him.

 

— And if he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?

 

— Then he was not the perfect friend you thought he was –as silly as it sounded but those words open the sky for Achilles— You have to learn to say ‘no’, and if your friends don’t like when you don’t agree with them they don’t deserve to be your friends at all. It will hurt to realize Demetrius was not the person you thought he was but its better to learn now than many years later.

 

Daddy is right –he thought.

 

— And this takes me to the second problem –Hephaistion continued— I know this scares the hell out of you but you have to admit your feelings for Seleucus because you are hurting other people thanks to your indecisions –the Prince had never thought things like that— If you had admitted what do you feel for Seleucus you would have been honest not only with yourself but also with Demetrius and this would have never happened. Aki, you have 2 options: be like your uncle Nick and bed them both just using them, or be honest, and somehow I know you are not as heartless as Nick.

 

His father was right and Achilles found himself nodding slowly— This is difficult for me but not more difficult than what daddy had to endure –his strong undefeated father had been raped by King Philip, he would have never imagined that and it only served to increase the respect he felt for Hephaistion— If daddy survived that, I can deal with Dris and Seleucus.   

 

XXX

 

— Archihypaspistes the situation is not critical but it won’t be bad to have reinforcements soon –said Peithon son of Crateuas, his second in command. A man of 31 years old who had previously served under Nikanor son of Parmelio— Our unit is full of men over 50 years old, the youngest one is 43. I truly think we should talk to the King about this.

 

— And say what, Peithon? –asked Seleucus, walking at his side through the streets of the city— Do you think the King will discharge the entire unit of his Argyraspides? Everybody knows our unit has never been defeated in battle and you think the King would just let his best troops go with commander Krateros?

 

— But, then what?

 

— Nothing. We stayed as we are until it becomes a problem –said the archihypaspistes.

 

If I go now the King is capable of giving me men among his War Dances –and that was something Seleucus wasn’t looking forward. Besides, Alexander’s mood was truly horrible since the attempt of mutiny and the last thing the archihypaspistes wanted was to incur in his displeasure. 

 

— Archihypaspistes! —Seleucus stopped and when he turned he found Achilles walking to him— May I have a word with you. 

 

— Peithon, leave us please –his second in command nodded and did as he was told— What can I do for you?

 

— Not here, can we talk in a place more…private? –his nervousness did not pass unnoticed for the archihypaspistes.  

 

— Of course, do you want to go for a ride?

 

XXX

 

They rode along the river in silence for a long time. Achilles did not know how to start and so he said nothing, just holding Pegasus’ reins with force— I have to do this, I have to be brave like daddy.

 

At some point Seleucus dismounted and walked taking his horse by the reins, the Prince did the same and, after a long, uncomfortable moment of silence…

 

— So, what do you want to talk about? –asked archihypaspistes, stopping for a moment. His horse was a strong stallion so black that it appeared to be blue, like his owners hair, he was fond of this animal and so he patted his neck.

 

— I have been thinking a lot about…you…us –Achilles corrected himself, catching the archihypaspistes’ attention— And I…I…—he couldn’t look at him, if he looked into his dark blue eyes he would be lost— I…

 

— Achilles, look at me.  

 

— No.

 

— Why not?

 

— You make me nervous —Seleucus smiled and closed the distance between them. The archihypaspistes took his chin and lifted his head. 

 

— You can tell me anything –said Seleucus— Don’t you see? You can do whatever you want with me. 

 

Achilles felt his face burning.

 

— Seleucus, I lo…

 

— Archihypaspistes! –one of his men came running, looking for him— Archihypaspistes! Commander Peithon is looking for you, there’s trouble with the lads.

 

— I’ll go in a moment –Seleucus turned to look at Achilles again—We’ll talk later. Can you come here again tonight? –the Prince nodded— I’ll be here after the change of guard.

 

— All right.

 

— Health to you!

 

XXX