CHAPTER 203

 

Hephaistion followed Alexander in utterly silence. They were not that far from the royal tent but for the commander it took them an eternity to arrive. Thoughts buzzed in his head like working bees, dazing him, fragments of conversations, random words, faces, smells and sensations came to him like an avalanche threatening to sweep him away. Past and present merged in a storm that looked to drag him into the deeps of madness.

 

— Such a nice view – he remembered Philotas’s voice, almost purring, that night at Egypt—I wish you could see it.

 

Callous rough hands exploring his body.

 

— This is exactly why I don't like you –Krateros’ words came back at him— You think you are all powerful and that you can do as you please with the lives of others.

 

Callous rough hands stroking and pinching his nipples painfully.

 

— I saw Krateros kissing Aki. Why do you think he is so sweet with your son when everybody knows he hates you? –Perdikkas’ voice floated to him like the wind, his words like the rustling of leaves.

 

—You must know that is common for the King, or the Somathophilakes, to take the pages to our beds if we want. I'm in my right! –King Philips’s words reached him and soon, the memory of his breath hit him again…

 

Hephaistion felt the anger still beating inside him, alive and howling, clamoring for blood, wanting to break, to destroy, to see the light abandoned the eyes of Krateros. He never could defend himself from the late King Philip but now he could end with Krateros— No one will ever abused me again, no one will hurt my son –in his mind the other commander had bedded Achilles just like King Philip had done with him and he would not, could not, do nothing knowing this.

 

Hephaistion’s body trembled and Alexander, the only one who could ease his heart, had only made everything worst— How could he come and shout in front of everyone “you are nothing without me?” defending that rat who almost raped me, who slept with my son? –he was furious with the King too, almost as angry as Alexander was.

 

A bad combination.

 

Servants and slaves ran away from their fury as if they were fleeing from a fire. The guards swallowed and wished they could run away too. Had they seen the King angry? Yes. Had they seen the commander angry? Yes, but they had never seen both of them angry. This angry! Lysimachus had urgent business with the King but, one look at his face and he turned and go. It was not that urgent after all. 

 

— What is wrong with you? –Alexander growled once they were alone in his study— You could have killed Krateros.

 

— That was precisely my intention –Hephaistion answered with all arrogance and insolence, lifting his head as if he were proud of what he had done. The King’s vein looked about to explode. 

 

— Are you out of your mind?! –he could not believe this.

 

— No, apparently I am just nothing without you –that remark took Alexander aback.

 

— I never said that.

 

— You did! –commander raised his voice— And you scolded me like a schoolboy in front of my men and that rat’s men –he shouted, panting furiously— You humiliated me! After all I have done for you! You yelled at me!

 

Hephaistion is crazy! –thought the King, despairing to see his beloved was incapable of grasping the gravity of the situation.

 

— And you are surprise? You were about to kill one of my best officers and you are offended because I yelled at you? –Alexander was in shock— I should have arrested you. Have you forgotten how difficult is my situation right now? Is more important to you your personal quarrel with Krateros than my problems? Three times my men had been about to mutiny. THREE! They disobeyed me when I gave the order to climb the walls of Sudracae, they disobeyed my officers refusing to believe I was alive, and you had the wonderful idea to fight Krateros in front of everyone?

 

— You have no idea of what you are saying –roared his beloved back, pacing around more to kill his excess of energy than for nervousness.

 

— You are nuts! –Alexander emphasized every word pointing at him—I know you don’t like him, but to cut his head? Have you any idea the problem you would have caused me if you had succeeded in this madness? It would have been murder. Plain murder! I would have had to judge you and condemn you for murdering a commander of my army. Did you stop to think that? Did you?

 

He was right. Hephaistion knew he was right but he was too angry to feel guilty or to agree with him. He knew the situation was difficult, he knew his lover was worried about him but what Krateros had done was beyond him to forgive. 

 

—You are acting as if this were my entire fault –the commander answered back— I am the crazy fool, I am reckless and I am the one causing problems in the camp. What about him? Is Krateros innocent? Wasn’t he fighting to me too? Gee, I must have gone crazy indeed because, according to you, this was not a duel, this was plain coward murder. I am the bad guy for attack poor innocent Krateros. It’s very easy for you just to come here and make a great scene shouting with all your authority, trampling over my dignity, before even asking the key question here: Why was I, in the first freaking place, trying to kill him?

 

The King took a deep breath and brushed his hair back with both hands. This conversation was taking them nowhere and they could very well stay here all day just shouting until they wanted to kill each other. One of them had to calm down and, for the first time in 18 years of relationship, Alexander forced himself to be the reasonable one. 

 

— Fine –he said, puffing his cheeks out— Fine. Why were you trying to kill Krateros?

 

— Because he tried to rape me –spat the commander, successfully ending with Alexander’s anger, replacing it with sheer surprise. 

 

— What?! –he exclaimed. Had he heard wrong?— How? When? Why?…What?

 

Hephaistion took several deep breaths. He had to calm down, he had to think straight and to tell everything— I am not like this –he closed his eyes for a moment.

 

— Do you remember, back at Egypt, when Philotas tried to blackmail me? –Alexander nodded. He had an excellent memory and it took him a heartbeat to have the complete scene unfold before his inner eye: A shaken Hephaistion, the letter from Glaukos, old steward of King Philip, telling Philotas everything about his beloved’s rape, Philotas’ attempt to force Hephaistion to sleep with him. 

 

— Of course I remember.

 

— I never told you because you were furious and the last thing I wanted was to worsen the situation but…Philotas was not alone, he had an accomplice –that caught the King’s attention— I never slept with Philotas –he said, holding Alexander’s gaze to reassure him— But he tried, he had me tied on his bed with my eyes covered and tried…but he was not alone. There was another man with him. I never saw his face but I felt his hands over my body, his big callous hands. Krateros’ hands.

 

This was an avalanche of information and the King needed a moment to think. He never knew Philotas had had Hephaistion tied on his bed and the sole mention of this made his blood burn— Motherless dog! –he thought, glad that the late hipparch was dead. He had never heard about the mysterious partner but he never doubted his beloved’s words. He knew Hephaistion and Hephaistion would never lie with something like this. He had only one question…

 

— Are you absolutely sure it was Krateros? –after all his beloved had been with his eyes covered, but the commander nodded slowly.

 

— I confronted him –answered Hephaistion, finally the burning rage, blinding his mind, was going away— You should have seen his expression, it was him.

 

Alexander cursed with all his forces and kicked a chair with force, breaking its leg. This was even more complicated. Alexander the lover wanted to skin Krateros alive, Alexander the King could not dispose of his best commander. He felt trapped, and he hated that feeling! 

 

— You should have told me –said Alexander the lover, his voice tender and full with concern— You should have come to me –how he hated when his beloved kept his problems for himself instead of asking for help.

 

— I should have done a lot of things, Alex; but I was blind with fury –the commander shook his head— Especially after that rat slept with Aki.

 

— He did WHAT? –the King cursed again— Did he force my son? Because if he did I swear…

 

— I don’t know –he interrupted his lover, aware that the situation could get out of control—Perdikkas told me he saw them kissing and…—Hephaistion sighed and finally sat down on a couch. He was tired and the wound in his arm hurt— I lost my mind. 

 

And that made the commander think that, he had reacted like a mad man based just in what his friend had said before asking Achilles— I am an idiot –he thought— Besides, all that Perdikkas saw was them kissing, how can he be so sure that they slept together? –he hadn’t thought that until now. Alexander sat down at his side and, for a long moment neither talked.

 

— You should have told me about Philotas and his accomplice –whispered the King, now calm, his eyes at the front, elbows resting on his thighs.

 

— You should have asked before scolding me in front of everyone –Hephaistion resting his weight back on his hands. He was no longer angry but was far from being happy. At least now they were in a better mood to talk.

 

Silence again. They heard a guard coughing outside and the distance voices of the servants.

 

— I never said that without me you were nothing –Alexander grumbled— I said: what would you do if someone took me from you.

 

— It’s the same thing –Hephaistion stretched his legs to the front, throwing his head back. 

 

— No, it’s not. Phai –the King shook his head and turned to look at him— When I saw the blood on your arm I went crazy. Imagine what would I have felt if Krateros would have killed you –he caressed his cheek fondly, his thumb pressing softly the corner of his lips— I cannot live without you and, you want me to stay calm watching your blood dropping on the ground?…Which reminds me, you have to go to the doctor.

 

His beloved sighed and said nothing. Now that the adrenaline was gone he felt as if a horse had crushed him, all his body hurt and his head throbbed in what promised to be the mother of all headaches.

 

— I am sorry –said Hephaistion, softly— You are right, it was a stupid thing to attack that rat like that…especially after the mutiny and everything.

 

— I am sorry too…for yelling before asking.

 

And silence. Alexander looked for his hand and caressed the back with his thumb.

 

— What are you going to do with Krateros? –his beloved was curious and now it was the King’s turn to sigh.

 

— Honestly, I don’t know –he was worried and overwhelmed— My first impulse is to kill him with my own hands for touching you but…He is my best officer, the Macedonian troops love the son of a bad mother and it would cause more problems to execute him then to let him live…but…—Alexander stopped talking when an idea struck him.

 

— But what? –asked his beloved intrigued. The last thing he wanted was to complicate his lover’s life and now, instead of wanting to kill Krateros, only wanted to solve the problem without risking to have another mutiny.

 

— I have been thinking of something for some time now –said the King in a conspiratorial tone— I want to replace Antipater as Regent in Macedonia –those words, as shocking as they were, did not surprise Hephaistion. Antipater was old and had enjoyed supreme power for too long, it was not a good idea to let him in the same post or he could develop a liking for it that could very well end in a revolt— As soon as we get back to Babylon, I will sent Krateros home. What do you think?

 

— It’s a good plan –Hephaistion nodded— The men can’t complain, after all you are promoting him not just banishing the bastard.

 

— But before that, you have to talk to Aki –said the King— Ask him about what happened with Krateros while I deal with the man. We need to know.

 

— I’ll do it now.

 

— Not now –Alexander shook his head— First, go to the doctor.

 

Hephaistion smiled. He felt much better now.

 

XXX

 

— Daddy, I swear it, I never slept with Krateros –said Achilles, holding his gaze, and his father believed him— He just kissed me once, that is all. 

 

Just as Alexander wanted his beloved talked to the Prince as soon as he finished with the doctor. As he had expected the boy was still at the royal tent, still working, but had heard everything about the quarrel from Chrysaor. He was worried when he saw his father’s arm covered in bandages but the commander reassured him he was fine.

 

— Do you like him? –Hephaistion wanted to know. He wanted to understand the situation and to clarify what Perdikkas had said about his boy.

 

I should have come to Aki before attack that rat –thought the commander, again, feeling like the number 1 fool in the history of fools. No doubt now why was Krateros laughing if they did nothing more than kiss. 

 

— Do you mean as a man? Like a lover? –Achilles wanted to be sure before giving an answer.

 

— Yes, that is exactly what I mean.

 

— No –the Prince spoke with the truth— He is good to me and was of tremendous help while dad was convalescent –Hephaistion was calm and that gave him the courage to be absolutely honest— I let him kissed me because he took me by surprise but, since he did not attempt anything else, I let it pass.

 

Hephaistion nodded, his elbows resting on his thighs, sitting on a chair in front of his son. It was late and almost dinnertime, doctor Philip had insisted in treating his wound with so much care that someone would have thought he was dying. It was a superficial wound but, since the King went hysterical every time something happened to his beloved, the doctor did not what to take his chances.

 

— Aki, did you have sex with Seleucus? –it was a blunt question but the commander was looking to an equally bold answer, besides, he had noticed that, when people was confronted with such statements, their reactions could tell you more than their words.

 

And it worked. Achilles blushed savagely.

 

— Who told you that?

 

— First answer me –the Prince took his cloths with force.

 

He is nervous –thought the commander, not failing to notice this.

 

— Yes, I did.

 

— Why?

 

Please Aki, don’t tell me it was because you needed his support as Perdikkas says –he thought but his face betrayed nothing. His son blushed even more.

 

— Because…I like him –he averted his eyes, unable to face his father.

 

Hephaistion sighed relief.

 

— Aki, forgive but I have to ask this. Seleucus is your only lover?

 

As strange and peculiar as was that question it made perfect sense to the Prince— He talked to Perdikkas –now everything made perfect sense.

 

— Yes, daddy –the best thing was to tell the truth, to be honest, even if it was so embarrassing. If his father already suspected something thanks to the hipparch the best he could do was confess everything— I have been seeing Seleucus for some time now, at night, and he…he is…he was my first…I haven’t slept with any other man but him. 

 

— So, that’s where you have being going every time you disappeared? To Seleucus’ place? –now the commander understood many things.

 

— You knew? –his son was genuinely surprise, he had been so careful, always having an alibi. Hephaistion had to smile.

 

— Aki, you are a terrible liar –his son blushed— Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing Seleucus?

 

— I don’t know –Achilles refused to see him and that put the commander on alert. Why was he so embarrassed? Why the secrecy? Seleucus was a high officer, he came from a good family and was not bad looking. There was no shame in the Crown Prince to seek the company of a man like him, then, why was he so nervous?

 

— You don’t know? –this was not like his son— Did you think I was going to get mad if I knew?

 

— Its nothing, daddy –Achilles’ knuckles were white, clenching his cloths tightly— Seleucus…he is not important.

 

He cannot be important. I don’t want him to be important –thought the Prince with desperation.

 

— Not important? —that choice of words caught the commander’s attention— Do you love him?

 

— No –he answered too quickly, his father noticed. 

 

— Then, why are you with him? –Hephaistion was lost and, for what he could see, his son was shaking.

 

— Because I like him, I mean he...Seleucus is good looking.

 

— Does he treat you well?

 

— Yes…extremely well –that reassured the commander but something was telling him there was more here.

 

Aki is hiding something, maybe if I pressed the subject he would tell me but…—he discarded the idea looking how shaken was the boy— It would be better to wait until he is ready.

 

— I wish you had told me about Seleucus before –said Hephaistion, far from being angry, in a loving understanding voice that finally made his son turn to look at him— I want to be your friend Aki, not a complete stranger –he succeeded in making his son feel bad, even if that was not his intention— Would you trust me, from now on? 

 

— Yes, daddy.

 

For a moment, Achilles considered to tell him everything about Perdikkas, just as Chrysaor had advised him but— I cannot –he remembered the quarrel that morning, between his father and Krateros and, if Hephaistion had talked to Perdikkas and was now asking him all these questions, he deduced he had been the cause of the quarrel. And that made him feel truly bad. He closed his mouth and said nothing. 

 

XXX

 

Krateros was sure the King would execute him. He knew how insanely jealous Alexander was with Hephaistion and he also knew the King would always believe his beloved’s word over everyone else, even without proofs— I just have to see what happened to the Queen to know that. Everybody knows it was after Hephaistion filled his ear with gossip that Alexander cast her away— Krateros thought very carefully in what he would say and decided that, to deny everything would be pointless so, he chose to bet everything one single argument.

 

— Philotas blackmailed you too? –asked the King after hearing his side of the story.

 

— Philotas was obsessed with Hephaistion –said the commander. He looked rather comical with his head, arms and torso covered in dressing, moving with difficulty and speaking through clenched teeth because his jaw was terrible swollen after the savage beating Hephaistion had gave him— He got a letter from Glaukos, you father’s old steward –he tried to shake his head but was unable to do it— I have no idea of what the letter said –he lied— But Philotas was pretty sure, for some reason, that he could use it against Hephaistion forcing him to share his bed.

 

— Why didn’t you tell me before? –now Alexander did not know what to think. The King had told no one about this letter and, the only thing Hephaistion knew for sure was that Krateros was Philotas’ accomplice (and the King believed him) but his beloved knew nothing more, least of all why were the 2 men together in this and Krateros’ argument so far had sense. 

 

— Because Philotas knew some…embarrassing secrets about me and threatened to use them –he lied again.

 

— And these secrets were so important that you preferred to help him to rape my lover instead of coming to me? –that was the part that did not make sense.

 

— I made a mistake and I am sorry for it…I truly am –said Krateros, trying to hold the King’s gaze but failing miserably— But, I swear I did not harm Hephaistion on my own freewill.

 

And the only man who could have backed up your story or deny it is dead –thought Alexander. He was very far from being happy and fell silent for so long that the commander started to fear he was indeed going to execute him but, at the end, he nodded slowly.

 

— Fine. Whatever happened between you and Philotas was your business –he said so serious that Krateros began to sweat cold. Alexander did not believe him, he was not who he was because he did not knew how to read people and he knew Krateros was hiding something.

 

But, if I truly want the truth, I would have to torture him and that will cause trouble with the troops –he thought.

 

— Hephaistion was in all his right to attack you, even if it was not well done in front of everyone and in our present situation.  

 

— I agree –said the commander, not knowing what else to say.

 

— This –Alexander leaned to the front, resting his arms on the desk between them— Will not happen again, do you understand? –the King’s voice was cold and sent shivers down Krateros’ spine. The commander swallowed and nodded— Good. You will leave as soon as you can ride, commander –he changed the subject, drastically— You will leave with the elephants, the soldiers unfit for battle and the brigades of Attalos, Meleager and Antigenes; there are reports of uprisings and I want you to police Archosia, Drangiana and Karmania.

 

— Yes, Alexander.

 

The motherless dog of Hephaistion won –thought Krateros angry— The King is sending me away but Hephaistion remains here, at his side –he took deep breaths, at least he still had his life, he had to be grateful for that much. 

 

XXX

 

The rest of that year now known as 325 BC was very busy for me. There was no doubt that, once Krateros was gone, I became the most powerful of all of Alexander’s officers. I won’t deny it, it was a great honor but it was also a pain in the ass. Why? Because I was required to attend several missions that kept me away from my King. As I have said before, the more important I became the busier. First, I was sent to Patala to fortify the place while Alex continued his journey to the Ocean sailing through the Indus River. 

 

The savage and brutality of our men continued and soon many Indian tribes began to flee as soon as their received the first news of our coming. Fire and destruction was becoming our trademark. And, in this storm of chaos and anarchy Alex reached the Ocean. We were separated for months and Aki went with my lover to avoid Perdikkas, who, by the way, stayed with me. My son never told me a thing about his problems with my friend, he only said he wanted to be with the King to keep helping him with the paper work, and I believed every word. It was long after Achilles was death that I knew the truth.  

 

Later, I was sent to the borders of the Oreitai to prepare the settlement of a tribe known as the Rhambakia and help Nearchos with everything he needed for the fleet. Alex wanted me to see over the whole process but, at the end, he became impatient because it was taking more time that he had expected, and sent Leonnatos in my place. I have to say that later I was very grateful with him for taking this decision because, in sending Leon to the Oreitai, he saved my sister and her children from a terrible journey.

 

Alexander wanted to cross the Gedrosia desert and he wanted me at his side.

 

XXX