CHAPTER 195

 

About Gaius Caligula

 

“Gaius paid no attention to traditional or current fashions in his dress, but ignored masculine and even human conventions […] he even dressed up as Venus, and long before his expedition, he wore the uniform of a triumphant general, often embellished with the breast plate which he had stolen from the tomb of Alexander the Great” (1) 

 

-o-o-o-

 

I was exactly in the place I always feared to be: playing the gossipy lover, feeding the King with information about the scandalous behavior of his wife. Playing the same game that for many years sicken me in the corridors of Pella. I wasn’t the right person for this, not only I dislike the task but I was also the lover. Coming from anyone else it could be taken as a serious and impartial accusation, but I? One thing was to tell Alex, as his soul mate and dearest friend but another completely different to preset my testimony in front of his inner circle, or even the Assembly; and there wasn’t one soul that heard about this who did not think I was jealous.

 

Why the surprised look on your face? You never asked yourself why modern historians have the idea that I was a capricious, spoil, jealous man? Now you have your answer. What I told Alexander that day was not made public but still, there are very few things that can be kept as secrets in a military camp. Whoever thought women liked to talk never knew this fickle breed known as soldiers. And to complicate the situation even more Achilles was my son; everything the Queen had planned had been directed against me so this left me in a very delicate position.

 

But, as sad and difficult as this was, there was no one else and the King had to know. Alex, despite the love he felt for my family, would have never taken seriously Berenike’s accusations coming from her mouth. It would have been my sister’s word against the Queen’s and Roxanne would deny everything of course and, the whole situation would have been minimized as women’s problems. And Achilles had already pronounced himself against the idea of saying anything to the King. I was alone in this, and, at that time, I accepted it with all the possible consequences it could bring me.

 

Hephaistion took his time, stretching the moment to an almost painful wait. For the first time in his life words failed him and he could do nothing more but stare into Alexander’s uneven eyes as if trying to find a magical answer in them. Years together had not being in vain and the King could sense his anxiety, his…fear? He had never seen his beloved like this and Alexander did not like it, it hurt him to see his soul mate afraid of him. He could not stand it.

 

— Phai…—the tenderness in his voice was like a caress, sliding over his skin, warming his heart and filling him with confidence— It’s all right; you know you can trust me. 

 

His beloved nodded.

 

— I know. Please don’t think I don’t, it’s just…—Hephaistion sighed— What I have to tell you it’s not easy to say and it’s also extremely delicate –he made a pause— I just want to ask you one thing, listen to me until I’m done talking, please.

 

The King was intrigued. The commander was not the kind of man prone to exaggerate and there were very few things that could leave him in this state— Not even when Parmelio and Philotas plotted against me was he like this, what could have happened?

 

—  You have my word; I will listen. 

 

— Thank you –Hephaistion puffed his cheeks out, brushed his hair behind his ear and began not with the very blunt: “Roxanne tried to kill Aki”, which he knew would infuriate Alexander to the point that he would stop listening; but from the beginning, with his suspicious about the Queen’s strange behavior, his own impression about her, the anecdotes Berenike had confined him, like the savage beating Roxanne had inflicted to one of her slaves just because the girl pulled her hair while brushing it.

 

He told Alexander about Achilles’ thoughts that the Queen wasn’t what she looked like, of Nikandros’ confession that Parmys had been trying to get information from him and, of course, reaching the delicate part of the night when Roxanne tried to seduce him…

 

— She tried to do WHAT?! –exclaimed an extremely shocked Alexander—And why didn’t you tell me before? –so far he hadn’t said a word but this proved to be too much and his astonishment and indignation explode all at once. 

 

Hephaistion sighed— I knew this would happen.

 

— I didn’t precisely because you will be like this.

 

— Like this? And how would you be if you were in my place?

 

— Alex, I didn’t come to you because: first, I thought it was just the feeble attempt of a young girl to have some romance in her life –he explained— Second, because I don’t like to play the part of the jealous lover accusing the Queen. I hate palace gossip and I had more important things to do.

 

— More important than telling me Roxanne was flirting with my lover?! –curious choice of words not “my wife flirted with you.” In that moment the commander was not sure what infuriated his lover more, the notion of his wife cheating on him or the part where she tried to sleep with him.

 

— Alex, I thought it was nothing but clearly I was wrong –Hephaistion continued— I just thought she felt lonely because you don’t pay her much attention, and I hoped it would be the end of it. But, Roxanne took a lover –and he told the King everything his sister had learned about Peisandros, finally reaching the part of his interest.

 

Alexander’s eyes double their size hearing how everything pointed at Roxanne planning Achilles abduction, not to mention that it had been her idea the Prince disobeyed the King joining the battle at Aornus— It has sense, how was that I didn’t see it? –thought the blond, but the answer was quite simple: Alexander had more important things to do and, as his beloved had said, he did not pay attention to Roxanne.  

 

— I have no proof of what I am telling you and I am well aware that all this could be seen as an attempt to provoke you against your Queen –said Hephaistion, slowly, weighing every word; perfectly conscious of what he was doing— But I will have never come to you if I weren’t absolutely sure of this. I know, deep inside me, that Roxanne wants to kill Aki.

 

Surprisingly the King said nothing, which was even more alarming and disturbing than if he had just gone into one of his famous outbursts. The commander felt a cold shiver running down his spine watching that face he adored frozen in a terrifying expression of absolute anger. He had no idea of what was Alexander thinking but he feared he would find out soon.

 

XXX

 

That week had been truly wonderful for Roxanne and all thanks to Perdikkas. Each passing day they become even closer, he was a good friend, the best she ever had, even if the Queen did not want to admit it how fond she was of him; and, more importantly, it was easy to find his weaknesses— Gold and women, in a way, he reminds me of Peisandros, but more intelligent –she did not make the mistake of taking him as her lover, at least not yet, because one: he was Alexander’s friend and, two: currently the hipparch’s attention was elsewhere, on the brat to be more precise.

 

— Perdikkas, the Prince is just a boy –said the Queen that day, while they shared a light meal in one of King Porus’ gardens. It was a very peaceful day, like the last days since the King had left with Hephaistion and the place was hers to command and do as she pleased. She liked that, to be in charge of things, give orders and sit while everyone ran to grant her wishes— I don’t understand what is that you Greeks…or Macedonians –she hurried to add— Find so attractive in your boys.

 

The hipparch took a bite of his apple before answering.

 

— I will tell you a secret but only if you swear to tell no one –Roxanne smiled excited, looking like the girl she was.

 

— Of course, you have my word as Queen –her innocent enthusiasm made Perdikkas smile. 

 

— Very well –he spat a seed— I don’t like boys –that truly confused Roxanne— I had slept with one or two but I don’t like them much, give me always a beautiful loving woman and I will be happy.

 

— Then, why do you like the Prince so much?

 

— Because he is the closest thing to a female Phai.

 

It was official the Queen was confused— I beginning to believe I will never learn how these barbarians think. 

 

— A what?

 

— Since Phai was a boy –Perdikkas explained— He caught the eye of everyone because of his beauty, even mine, but he has always been too masculine for my taste. One day, I remember telling Leon that a female twin of Phai would be something to see –he gave her a wolfish smile while thinking about it.

 

Imagine if Phai had a twin sister that would be something to see. I would sell my soul for a woman who looks just like him.

 

— His sister looks like him –Roxanne pointed out, crossing her leg and leaning her back against the chair.

 

And that is one reason I don’t like Berenike –she was beautiful, intelligent, brave and, wild. Berenike was not a common woman and that was precisely what made her so attractive— In a way you could say Hephaistion, his brothers and sister are all alike. 

 

— Yes and no. They are alike but not as Phai and Aki are –said the hipparch— And Aki could be a boy but he looks delicate and sweet, like a maiden.

 

That brat is not delicate and sweet –thought the Queen. She had spent enough time with him to know that, when Achilles grew up, he could very well become a man even colder and more ruthless than Alexander; and all because he was not emotional and never acted rashly— This fool knows nothing about the brat if he thinks he is like a maiden –but of course she said nothing.

 

Roxanne chose a grape but left it suspended halfway to her mouth when Parmys arrived running, without breath and pale as if she had seen the ghost army of the late Darius. That put Roxanne on alert.

 

— What is it? –the Queen asked in Persian. Something told her it was better if Perdikkas did not hear what her servant had to say.

 

— The King is coming…—she took a breath— And he is furious –her servant’s words alarmed her even more and she stood up. Roxanne took her hand to her throat and breathed, calming down and trying to bring order to the turmoil that was taking control of her ideas.

 

— Perdikkas I beg you excuse me, the King is coming and I must be ready –she said with a voice she hardly recognized as her own.

 

— Of course, we’ll talk on some other time –his cheerful tone sounded strange to her.

 

The King is furious, but that doesn’t mean his anger is directed at me –she thought, despite that the voice of her long forgotten conscious was telling her otherwise. Roxanne had no time to be ready. Almost as if they had rehearsed it, Alexander arrived in the same moment Perdikkas was leaving— Dear Gods, he IS furious –and for the first time in her life the Queen feared her husband. 

 

— Tell me, what have I done to you to make you hate me so much? –he spat the question one step of breathing fire and she looked at him stunned.

 

— Your majesty I don’t…

 

— I made you Queen, I put you above all the women in my Empire, including my own mother and sisters, I have treated you kindly and all I asked was obedience –said Alexander so close to her that Roxanne could smell the particular scent of his skin— And you betrayed me!

 

— My King I have never done anything to…

 

— Am I? Your King? Or are you under the impression that I am your tool or your puppet? –now Roxanne was truly scared and all her wits appeared to have abandoned her. 

 

He knows –she thought terrified.

 

— What do you want Roxanne? ANSWER ME! –she jumped, she was no use of people shouting at her, least of all Alexander and the Gods knew the man knew how to shout.

 

— To…to please your Magnificence.

 

— And what, in the name of all the spirits of the underworld, made you think that killing my son would please me? –the Queen’s knees began to tremble.

 

— I never…

 

— You never what? –his uneven eyes appeared to burn her and Roxanne suddenly found unbearable the look on his face— What has ever done Achilles to you?

 

Exist! His sole existence is an insult to me, your rightful wife! –she truly wanted to shout it but knew better than provoke him even more— There is just one way out of this and I will bet my life on it.

 

— I would never hurt your son, your majesty, and I have never gave you cause to doubt of me –she replied, making a supreme effort to keep her voice steady and, without realizing it, enraging the King even more. 

 

— You planned his abduction –Alexander accused her, pointed at her with his finger.

 

— I did not.

 

— Peisandros was your lover and he did as you commanded.

 

— It is not true.

 

— You convinced Achilles to disobeyed me at Aornus, and thanks to you, he joined the battle.

 

— I gave him what I thought was good advice. I apologize if it was seen as if I wished him harm. I’m still young and have much to learn –she said, this time letting her voice trembled and a couple of tears slid down her cheeks. For once the Queen was not acting, she was terrify and tears came by themselves.

 

— You are a liar! –that proved to be too much for him. This woman had tried to kill his son, that sweet boy that had first come into his life years ago at Halicarnassus. He could feel the anger burning him, beating with force against his temples and he moved while seeing clearly in front of him Achilles’ face at 3, 6, 9 years old; hearing his sweet voice asking for another story or assuring him that, one day, he would be a hero like their ancestor.

 

And Roxanne had tried to kill him– She will never admit it –thought the King, for the first time, watching her for what she really was. When he reacted, Alexander had his hands around her neck. She looked at him terrified, trapped between the King and the wall, but he was not squeezing.

 

She was pregnant and Alexander made a supreme effort to stop his hands from squeezing and breaking that fragile neck.

 

— Who is accusing me? Where are the proofs? –Roxanne bet everything one this, praying with all her forces not to be mistaken, talking in mere whispers and taking advantage of the moment— I have the right to confront my accuser and defend myself.

 

— You have the rights I say you have –answered Alexander, letting her go, unsure that he would be able to restrain himself any longer. 

 

He has nothing! Thank the Gods –but this was far from over.

 

— I do not believe you, Roxanne –the King moved away, opening and closing his hands, pronouncing her sentence in a voice that made the hair at the back of her neck stand— For now on you will remain at your tent at all time, under guard, and you will leave only when I say you can. Once we come back to Persia I’ll think what to do with you but, hear me very well, I don’t want to see you again.

 

The King stormed out and the Queen fell on her knees— It’s over –Parmys ran at her side to embrace her.

 

XXX

 

I did not have time to talk to Alex after this, not even to ask how was he feeling because he sent me away on a mission. No, Alexander was not angry with me; he needed someone to march at once to the kingdom of a cousin of King Porus, named also Porus and whom we liked to call “cowardly Porus”. I left immediately with my cousin Demetrios, my brother Nikandros, my own hipparchy, the one of my cousin, plus two brigades of infantry and half the archers.

 

This time I asked to take Achilles with me and, even if he did not like the idea, Alexander found no arguments against my request. It wasn’t only fair, it was understandably that, after what had happened, I did not want my boy near the Queen, specially not now that she was wounded. Yes, Roxanne was confined to her tent or quarters, but still, you can never be too cautious.

 

— I do not have luck with Queens –said Achilles during dinner. Hephaistion had invited his brother and cousin to his tent to have, after a long time, a family reunion. It was a sad thing though, without Berenike, her children, and Lysanias.

 

Things would never be as they were when I was a child, I should stop hopping for what it can’t be –thought the commander.

 

— Why do you say that? –asked cousin Demetrios with his mouth full, devouring his meat.

 

— First, Queen Cleopatra abandoned me, then Queen Olympias kidnapped me and now Queen Roxanne planned my murder.

 

Again that voice, dispassionate, without emotion, as if this has nothing to do with him –thought Hephaistion worried— “Queen Cleopatra”, why not say “my mother”? –but he reproached himself that thought. Why would he call her that? After all, Achilles did not know his mother and she had wanted his head. That saddened the commander. 

 

Nikandros laughed while Kyros ran to fetch more wine.

 

— You have a point, Aki. Let’s just hope that, by the time you are King, your luck with Queens improves or yours would be a very sad story –this time cousin Demetrios laughed too.

 

The Prince said nothing, he did not even smile, but he was not angry or upset— Everyday is more difficult for me to understand him. He was a very sweet shy boy when he arrived and maybe he would have stayed like that but…Darius made him watch while they whipped me, he has witness pain, blood and destruction while growing up, has suffered betrayals, his mentor died in front of him at the hands of his adopter father and he went from being a bastard to be a Crown Prince. And he is only 12 years old. 

 

— It was a nasty business with the Queen –said cousin Demetrios. Very few people knew about what had happened and Hephaistion had only shared the news with his family— Who would have thought she was such a ruthless woman? I saw her only once or twice but always though she was a nice girl. 

 

— She tricked us all –said Hephaistion. He was more serious than usual but he couldn’t avoid it. He had left before having the chance to talk to Alexander and was worried about the King’s wellbeing after all that had befallen him.  

 

— Phai, do you think Alexander would take us home soon? –asked cousin Demetrios with such innocence that he successfully made the commander smile.

 

— I don’t think so.

 

— I miss my wife –his cousin complained, throwing the last piece of bread on the table— I was newlywed when this campaign began and I was so sure it would not take more than 3 or 4 years. Do you think Alexander misses Pella?

 

— No –this time Hephaistion answered absolutely sure of what he was saying.

 

— And you? Do you miss your home? –the King outlined his lips with his fingers.

— My home is wherever you are –he said from the bottom of his heart.

 

Alexander had told him that once, but he wasn’t going to share this with his brother and cousin— There are things that belong only to us.

 

— Think about it, why would he miss home? He is living his dream of a great adventure and emulating his ancestor Achilles –he continued.

 

— All adventures have an end –said Nikandros— And the men are not happy.

 

— I know –the commander sighed.

 

— If Alexander insists on going on with this campaign… –said cousin Demetrios but, suddenly, he was unable to finish his sentence.

 

— Its possible dad will have to deal with another mutiny –it was Achilles the one who turned into words their fears— First it were his veterans and the Thessalians just before crossing the Oxus River, now I think it could be even worst. 

 

Nobody said more, there was no need, they all knew their situation could turn really ugly but they pray it wouldn’t happen.

 

XXX

 

— How are you feeling? –asked Nikandros as soon as he was alone with Hephaistion and only the crickets could be heard, delighting them with a nocturnal symphony.

 

— Do you ask because of what happened with Roxanne? –the commander sat down on a couch, patting his side as an invitation to his brother— I don’t feel fine. It gave me no pleasure to give bad news to Alex and I’m afraid this whole situation can affect him more than he thinks. 

 

— Why? –asked Nikandros, sitting at his side.

 

— Alex likes to be loved, he needs to be loved more than be feared and, right now, not only his wife betrayed him, his men grow restless each day –Hephaistion explained.

 

— And how is this situation affecting you, Phai? –Nikandros wanted to know.

 

— I’m tired –the commander admitted— I’m tired of plots, battles, betrayals, conspiracies…—he sighed— I always wanted Alex and Aki to be happy and, what happened? Alex thinks he will be happy if he can reach the end of the world but his dream could very well become his end. And Aki…Well, the Queen tries to kill him, his best friend dies leading a revolt against his adopted father…that was not what I wanted.  

 

They fell silence.

 

— Want to know what I think? –Nikandros’ question made him smile.

 

— Why do I have the impression that you are going to tell me anyway?

 

— I think your lover truly needs to stop –said his brother— I think Alexander lost his track at some point in this crazy campaign, and he is living, like you said, in a dream not in the real world –the wisdom in his words caught Hephaistion by surprise— He is like a child and someone has to tell him it’s enough.

 

— Someone. You mean me.

 

— He only listens to you –said Nikandros, leaning to the front and dropping his voice until it became only a whisper— Phai, you love him, do this for him and for all of us.

 

He is right –thought the commander— He is absolutely right.

 

My mission was not military but organizational. I had to get everything ready to give King Porus the command over the kingdom of his cousin and to establish a Macedonian outpost on the Akesines. All in all and despite the malcontents and everything, it was a rather peaceful mission and I had time to spend with my son and my brother and cousin. I wasn’t away for more than a couple of weeks but, by the time I get back, Alexander looked as if I had been away for months…

 

— Roxanne lost the baby –said Alexander when Hephaistion joined him again, as a greeting after weeks apart.

 

There was no outburst of passion, no sweet loving words, no hungry kisses, no burning desire and no savage lovemaking— He has changed –thought the commander, worried, watching how the problems, the constant complains of the men and officers, how everything was charging Alexander in the weary look he had on his usually lively face— Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to take Aki with me, leaving him alone –Alexander did not know how to live alone. 

 

— It was a boy –the King continued— Impossible to say if it was mine or...the bloody merc’s. 

 

This was exactly what Hephaistion had feared when he told the King everything, he did not like to hear his lover talking like this but— Maybe this was for the best, nobody knows what Roxanne would have done if I hadn’t talked.

 

They both were tired, the King’s 30 birthday had come and gone, and Alexander had continued the march submitting town after town. The siege of Sangala had proven to be an especially difficult one and, at the end, the city was absolutely destroyed, a dark witness of the King’s mood and the troops lack of morale. Things were worst than before, which was to say a lot, the rain did not stop, snakes appeared to be everywhere forcing them to sleep in tree-slung hammocks, many died by their bites and the journey appeared to go on and on.

 

They had crossed the Chenab and the Ravi Rivers, the plain appeared to have no end and there was no sign of the Ocean. Even if Alexander had tried everything to keep his men in the dark, word eventually reached them that the Ocean was still very far away.

 

— Alex –said Hephaistion that night at his tent— You can’t keep lying to the men, you have never done this and I don’t think is wise. We are at the Hyphasis River and they don’t only know we are still far from our destination, they have also heard from the locals tales of warrior tribes that lived beyond the Hyphasis and, what is worst, tales of an army of thousands of war-elephants.

 

— You know better than I that men always exaggerate –the King waved his hand, trying to minimize the situation, sitting in front of him at the other side of the table; only an oil-lamp between them.    

 

— Alex, soldiers are not only driven by fear, greed or ambition and, after the spoils they got at Persia, pearls, gemstones, gold or ivory, are seen now as common trinkets. You cannot longer impress them with promises of riches because, they are already rich! And want to share their exploits with their families back at Macedonia. You are no fool, you know your men have been fighting like automats since the battle at the Hydaspes River –said Hephaistion with intensity but never raising his voice— The men who said they would follow you to the very end of the world are gone, only their ghosts remain. It’s over –he tried to take his hand over the table but Alexander moved away. 

 

— It’s not over until I say it is! –the King hit the table with his fist.

 

— There are things not even you can do, my love –the commander softened his voice— The Hyphasis River was the natural border of Darius’ I Empire; and you heard it yourself from the locals: “Beyond the river lay extensive deserts which it would take eleven days to traverse. Next came the Ganges, the largest river in all India, the farther bank of which was inhabited by two nations: the Gangaridae and the Prasii, whose king Agrammes kept in the field for guarding the approaches to his country 20,000 cavalry and 200,000 infantry, besides 2000 four-horsed chariots, and, what was the most formidable force of all, a troop of elephants which he said ran up to the number of 3000”(2). Alex, it’s the end of the road…

 

— I will not be less than Darius, Hephaistion! And, if you want to stay here, I ask you to drop this –Alexander was angry and his beloved knew it was useless to make him change his mind.

 

I tried, but not even I can protect him from himself –he thought, sighing heavily and running his hands down his face.

 

— Fine. You are the King –his beloved stood up and emptied his cup of wine in one gulp. 

 

— Where are you going? –Alexander frowned.

 

— To my own tent, I won’t stay while you are is such horrible mood –and with that Hephaistion was gone.

 

XXX

 

The bank of river Hyphasis was “covered with a dense forest, abounding with trees not elsewhere seen, and filled with wild peacocks”(3) Nearby was a town that Alexander had already taken although, not without difficulty. A savage battle took place just a few days ago and just a day before Alexander had given his troops permission to sack every nearby town and do, virtually, everything they wanted— This is wrong. The local rajah, Phegeus, had received Alex, given gifts to him, he is now our allied and Alex pays him letting the men to ravish his lands. The worst is not even this insanity will help his cause and it will not make the men happy. 

 

When the commander arrived at his tent he was welcome only by a stony silence. A lonely oil lamp was the only soldier against darkness. He missed Xsayarsa but the they had to leave him behind in order to let him rest. The eunuch was recovering well enough but he would not survive the journey and the doctor had advised to let him stay and pick him up when they came back— The only question here is, will we come back? 

 

Hephaistion wasn’t hungry, his argument with the King had stolen the little hunger he had so, instead of looking for Kyros he went to Achilles’ room. He liked to watch his son asleep, one of those silly pleasure parents had but, somehow, the peaceful face of his boy always helped him to calm down his own anxiety— What the…? –but Achilles robbed him of what little peace he could get that night. The Prince was not in his bed.

 

— Aki! –the commander called him but he got no answer— Aki! –he heard hurried footsteps and then, a half sleep Kyros appeared in front of him, rubbing his eyes. The boy was now a young man of 22 years old, 9 years had passed since he rescued him in Thebes and he no longer had that girlish face that had aroused the man who almost raped him. He never learned to use a sword properly but at least was able to defend himself, and his hair was no longer blond but more chestnut.

 

 — Kyros, where is Aki?

 

— He said he was going to have dinner at Berenike’s place –the Theban yawned.

 

— Was he alone?

 

— No. He said Chrysaor would accompany him –that eased Hephaistion.

 

—  Thank you, that will be all Kyros –the Theban dragged his feet back to his room and the commander decided to go to bed.

 

Something tells me we’ll have a pretty long day tomorrow –he thought and, when he was falling asleep, in that state between the realm of Morpheus and the domain of the living, the remembered that Chrysaor had gone with the rest of the men to plunder the nearby area— Then, with whom is Aki? –but before he could find an answer he fell asleep. 

 

XXX

(1) Suetonius. The Twelve Caesars, p 173

Usually, I like to copy fragments from historical novels but this time I chose a fragment from an ancient source :) :D

(2) Curtius. Ancient India: it's Invasion by Alexander the Great, p 221, 222

(3) Curtius. Ancient India: it's Invasion by Alexander the Great, p 217