Warning: I am afraid these 2 chapters will be again –H– chapters, meaning Highly Historical, but its necessary.

 

CHAPTER 180

 

“We ought not to make a man look bigger than he is by paying him excessive and extravagant honor, or, at the same time, impiously to degrade the gods, if such thing is possible, by putting them in this matter on the same lever as men. Suppose some fellow or other, by some quite unjustified vote or show of hands, were brought to enjoy royal honors: would Alexander tolerate it? Of course he would not. By the same reasoning there are much better grounds for the gods’ resentment against men who invest themselves with divine honors, or allow other people to do it for them”.

 

“Now Alexander deserves his reputation of being incomparable the bravest of the brave, the most kingly of kings, the worthiest to command of all commanders […but] not even Herakles was accorded divine honors by the Greeks while he was alive, nor when he was dead either, until the command to do so was given by an oracle of Apollo at Delphi […] I beg you Alexander to remember Greece; it was for her sake alone, that you might add Asia to her empire, that you undertook this campaign. Consider this too: when you are home again, do you really propose to force the Greeks, who love their liberty more than anyone else in the world, to prostrate themselves before you?”(1)… 

 

These were Kallisthenes’ words opposing the proskynesis; now, was he executed because of this? Because he refused to prostrate in front of my King? Or was it because he really encouraged the pages to take actions against Alexander’s life? I am afraid that this is more complicated than you might think. As Achilles said, Kallisthenes was disappointed when he saw Alexander was becoming a Persian Great King instead of a Greek one, but rather than to keep his mouth shut, he made several serious mistakes in the process like boasting that it was thanks to him that future generations would know about the exploits of my King, as if Alexander needed help in that department…

 

— You told me you had everything under control! –shouted Alexander once he was alone with Hephaistion. He was angry, he hated when things got out of control and what his historian had done nearly ended in disaster, ruining days of hard work trying to convince everybody to do the proskynesis— You said you talked to Kallisthenes!

 

— Yes, and if you remember, I also said that Kallisthenes never compromised to do anything! –answered his hipparch trying to control his temper. He too was angry and having the King recriminating him for the Greek historian’s behavior was not improving his mood— I told you exactly what he said.

 

— But you were in charge of this –the blond paced around the room and Hephaistion looked at him as if he could not believe what he was hearing.

 

— Are you blaming me for what happened at the banquet? –the question stopped the King on his tracks— I can’t control what your historian does –his beloved stressed the word “your”— You knew perfectly well what Kallisthenes thinks about the proskynesis, you were at that meeting with him and your pet philosopher Anaxarchus, not I; so if you are trying to blame me for what happened, you should ask yourself first if you could have done something to prevent this.  

 

Alexander took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face.

 

— Forgive me –he whispered— But this…

 

Hephaistion closed the distance between them and embraced him.

 

— It’s fine, this situation has all of us under a lot of pressure –he felt the King relaxing in his arms, surrounding his waist and resting his head on his shoulder. Finally taking a moment to calm down his boiling anger, to forget everything in the soft warmth of his beloved’s body. 

 

Kallisthenes had nearly ruined everything but, at the end, thanks to the historian’s overwhelming arrogance and his incapability to keep his mouth shut, he had gained the enmity of the conservatives, who could have become his new best friends after his open defiance to a humiliating barbarian practice, by criticizing them openly at the banquet. Yes, things had not gotten as bad as they should at the end but still…

 

Alexander closed his eyes when he felt the hipparch’s hands running up and down his back, relaxing like only his beloved’s touch could make him… until his mind remembered a very urgent matter that had been relegated after his historian’s little demonstration of Greek arrogance.

 

— Phai…—the King’s voice was nothing more than a whisper but his words hit Hephaistion’s neck, making him shuddered.

 

— What is it my love?

 

— What are we going to do with Aki? –and that question reminded the hipparch of the very sad news about Cyrus Ochus’ fate. He felt as if he had swallow a rock just thinking in what could be his son’s reaction.

 

— We’ll have to talk to him as soon as possible.

 

And say what? Aki I am sorry but your best friend, your only friend, is death? –thought Hephaistion in despair.

 

— I am afraid you are right –said Alexander. He did not want to leave that embrace that made him feel as if nothing bad could happen as long as they were together, but it was necessary, they could not wait until their son heard this in a more brutal way. 

 

XXX

 

Hermolaus, one of the royal pages, was outside the King’s chamber trying his best to stay awake, yawing for the 10th time in 5 minutes. It was his shift tonight and despite the hour and how tired he was, he did not complained, he had the change to see Hephaistion and that was worth everything. Hephaistion…he had never seen a man like him, so masculine and at the same time so beautiful, so strong and so kind, it was a strange combination but the hipparch was not a common man; sometimes the boy of 14 years old thought he was a god because nobody could be so perfect. 

 

Hermolaous had arrived at Asia a little more than a year ago but he remembered clearly the first time he saw Hephaistion. It had been a gray day but, when he appeared, it was as if the clouds had dispersed allowing the sun to admire that supernatural beauty that, instead of living among the eternal gods, always to remain unchanged, walked on the earth embarrassing mortals with his harmonious perfection.

 

Virtually every man, boy, girl or woman, in that small mobile city that had became the Macedonian army, had a crush on the hipparch but Hermolaus did not have just a simple crush, he loved Hephaistion, dreamed about him every single night and desired him with an almost painful devotion going as far as to steal one of the hipparch’s cloths, treasuring this fabric as it were the Golden Fleece.

 

The page knew how was to be desired by many, he was a handsome young man with many suitors but, so far, he had only played with them. Hermolaus was arrogant and vain, once he had made fun of a boy who wrote him a love poem, ridiculing him in front of everyone. His fellow pages looked at him in a mix of admiration and desire, they wanted to be like him or to be with him and always heard to what he had to say with the same attention of soldiers in front of a high-ranking officer. Hermolaus had always been the popular kid and, until he met Hephaistion, he never understood what was to actually desire someone.

 

For the boy, it was fate what brought him to Asia and, it was clear that the hipparch and he were destined to be together. 

 

Nights ago, when the page found his god aroused from head to toe thanks to the wine with aphrodisiac herbs, had been a gift for him; every time he closed his eyes he could see Hephaistion’s blushed face, his hair falling over his beautiful features like a fan of thin locks of liquid silk... 

 

Hermolaus moaned softly but in the deserted hallway it became an amplified sound that served to wake him up. He was falling asleep standing at one side of the King’s door.

 

The King…the page had a turmoil in his heart regarding the man he was suppose to serve, and the problem was quite simple: he hated Alexander. It was hard to admit it, after all, Alexander was the King and his father had taught him, before sending him to Asia, that his loyalty had to be always for his King and his kingdom. But, how could this be when the same man had his god all for himself and treating him like a whore?

 

As everybody else Hermolaus could not understand the relationship between Alexander and Hephaistion and, when people can’t understand something, they simplify things and put labels on them. For Roxanne, and also for Eumenes, Hephaistion was a mastermind manipulator and cold blooded bastard who looked for nothing more than to gain power using Alexander; for Krateros Hephaistion’s only merit was his beauty, so he used it to gain power like a woman; for Perdikkas, Leonnatos and Ptolemy Alexander was obsessed with his beloved and for Hermolaus the King was an abuser son of a bad mother.  

 

Everybody had a different opinion about my relationship with Alexander.  Why? Because the very simple explanation of “we are in love” was just unthinkable for the people surrounding us. They could not understand that 2 men could love each other like we did…As a matter of fact they were unable to understand a love like this, not even between a man and woman. At my time if you show a great love for your wife people started to think you were unmanly and weak. So you can image what kind of shock was to learn that a King loved his hipparch with a pure, intense and disinterested love like ours. Just to put King-love-disinterested in same sentence was almost a joke, so everybody tried to think of another possible explanation, one that made sense to them, in order to define our relationship, and Hermolaus was not the exception.

 

The page believed what he wanted to believe… 

 

Hermolaus gave a start when he heard the door opening and he doubled his eyes when he saw that the man standing there was no other than his god. Hephaistion smiled at him making him blush and left with the King behind, heading to Achilles’ room…

 

XXX

 

Hephaistion found Achilles next day alone in the garden, crying under a tree as if his whole family had been slaughtered in front of him, and that broke his heart. When his sister had came, years ago, at Hallicarnasus with the news that he had a son, he never imagined the day would come in which he would feel like he did today. He loved Achilles in a way it was hard to express with words, a vast, warm, overwhelming and powerful feeling, making his heart suffer as if a spear had pierced him while watching his boy cry. More than anything he wanted to embrace the Prince and say everything would be fine, but how could he?

 

Cyrus Ochus, the closest thing his son had to a brother, was death and there was nothing he or anyone could do to remedy this.

 

What did I do wrong? –asked the hipparch, feeling a knot inside his throat. All he ever wanted was his son to have a childhood as happy as his own, with a loving family, living in a quiet and peaceful place, hearing the boring war stories of a grandfather and enduring an older brother’s pranks— What is this place that changes people and appears to feed upon sadness, tragedy and blood? Maybe the gods did exist, maybe the Persian gods are punishing us for desecrating their land…But, are all the riches of this land worth one of my son’s tears?… 

 

Hephaistion longed to embrace his son as he had done the previous night after giving him the dreadful news but, he could not do it, he had to let his son cry alone, to suffer alone and to overcome this by himself because, Achilles was no longer a child and one day he would be a King, an honor and, at the same time, a burden. He stayed there for a while, watching over the Prince like a guardian angel until he saw Sophia, Berenike’s daughter, walking directly to Achilles until she stopped in front of him.

 

— Why are you crying? –Sophia’s silhouette blocked the sun, her shadow covering the Prince who needed a moment before lifting his head to see who was talking to him. His cousin was now a beautiful girl of 10 years old, long chocolate hair like her father and big eyes like her mother; they had barely spoken despite the fact they were related, the boy was always polite with her but today Achilles was in no mood to talk to Sophia.

 

— Leave me…hic… alone –sobbed the Prince but his cousin ignored him and sat down at his side, bending her legs against her chest.

 

She fell silent for a while, hearing him cry, unaware of the terrible pain that had Achilles’ heart trapped between its claws, making him feel as if he could never be happy again. How could he? All the people he loved died leaving him behind with a hollow inside, he could not stop crying and he desperately looked for a way to stop feeling like this, to cast away the pain.

 

— Did you hear that? –Sophia suddenly asked in whispers.

 

— What? –Achilles had no idea of what was she talking about.

 

— That! Do you hear it? –the Prince’s curiosity was picked and he fell silent for a moment but, the only sounds he could perceive, were the ones from the insects living in the garden and his own hiccup.

 

— I don’t hear…hic…anything… —said Achilles confused and his cousin smiled. 

 

— When you fell silent you can hear the gods whispering –Sophia said in a low voice— Sometimes you can even hear them laugh. 

 

The first thing the Prince thought was that his cousin was crazy, was she serious? Did she truly believe what she was saying? And why was she telling him this? 

 

— WHAT?! –he exclaimed starting to get angry but Sophia smiled, confusing him even more.

 

— Listen, the gods are saying that you should stop crying  –she whispered— Because everything is going to be fine. 

 

It was a stupidity and it did not make any sense but, somehow, those simple and even silly words made the Prince feel better, he needed to know things would be fine, even if nobody could be sure of it, even if there were no guarantees of this. Achilles cried again but somehow the burden inside his heart was lightened and Sophia tenderly patted his back.

 

Hephaistion smiled and left the garden, feeling slightly better knowing that his son was no longer alone; he was planning to look for the King when Hermolaus appeared in front of him. The first thing that crossed his mind was that Alexander wanted something, but when he inquired about the King the page shook his head.

 

— I am here on my behalf, sir –said the 14 years old boy— I want to talk to you, if you have time. 

 

— Of course –the hipparch was used to talk to the royal pages, usually they came to him when the boys had a problem with the King, it had happened several times before and he prepared himself to hear some sort of complain.

 

Hephaistion had only talked to Hermolaus once when he interrogated him about the wine with the aphrodisiac herbs, but after that they never crossed a words again; first because he was the King’s page, not his, and second because lately he did not have time for anything. In fact this was the first time he actually paid attention to the boy because last time his mind was busy with the wine affair, trying to find a culprit. The page was a tall boy of dark-brown hair, honeyed eyes and a strong athletic body, he was a handsome young man, something that the hipparch had not noticed before, and had also an arrogant aura that usually surrounded people who know they are beautiful and took advantage of it.

 

They walked until they reached a lonely corner and then Hephaistion spoke first.

 

— What do you want to talk about?

 

— Sir, I think you should be my erastes –said Hermolaus without preamble, his voice always still. If he was nervous, he did a great job hiding it.

 

Hephaistion did not move, not even blinked. He had lost count of how many times he had been asked the same thing from boys exactly the page’s age, and by now he knew how to answer without hurting anybody’s feelings. Although, something was strange this time, usually the boys stammered, sweated, trembled or paled while talking to him, but Hermolaus was so sure of himself that it was curious, it was almost as if he were sure that nobody could say no to him. 

 

— Hermolaus, I am honor by your request –if this was a request because it sounded more like a statement— But I am afraid, I cannot accept. 

 

— Sir, if you are declining because of the King…

 

— That is exactly why I am declining –the hipparch assured him, always keeping a polite tone of voice, he knew how fragile teenagers could be. 

 

— Sir, with all due respect, I don’t understand what does the King have to do with this –said the page— A man like you can choose whoever he wants as his lover.

 

That choice of words caught Hephaistion’s attention. The message was very clear, not in what he had said but in what he had not. 

 

He is implying that I did not choose Alex as my lover –he thought— That Alex is forcing me to be at his side. 

 

— Exactly, I can choose my lover and I won’t choose to be your erastes. I am sorry –answered the hipparch and the page shook his head.

 

— This was not suppose to be like this –said Hermolaus, surprised to see that things had not gone in the way he imagined. He was puzzled and, more than never, worried for his superior— Sir, you don’t have to be with him. 

 

— Him? Do you mean the King? –Hephaistion narrowed his eyes and the page closed the distance between them, invading the hipparch’s personal space and taking him by the arm.

 

— I love you, sir –Hermolaus said from the bottom of his heart— I have loved you since the moment I saw you and you deserve better than to be with a man who does not treat you with respect –despite his youth his voice was full of conviction and force— I saw how the King behaved when he found you with commander Seleucus and that is no way to treat someone like you. You are not a woman and certainly, you are not a drunken King’s wife, you are a better man than he is ever going to be.

 

Hephaistion released himself from the page’s grip. This was going too far and Hermolaus was starting to criticize the King in a moment where this had cost the life of men far more important than a mere page who had a serious crush with his superior; besides, he was not going to stay there listening how a boy insulted his lover.

 

— I think I have heard enough –and with that the hipparch left the page, standing in the middle of the corridor, musing dangerous ideas that no boy of that age should have.

 

In all the years I have hearing the pages’ love declarations this is the first time I find one who thinks Alex mistreats me –thought Hephaistion, striding to the King’s office— It’s amazing how boys of that age fell in love so easily…which also reminds me of Aki and his infatuation with Bagoas –he shook his head— I remember when I was a boy I kissed a girl once and I thought I would end up marrying her, I can’t even remember her name now…I hope Hermolaus would forget about me soon. 

 

XXX

 

— I am worried about Aki –said the hipparch to Alexander.

 

— I know –the King sighed, leaning his weight against the frame of the window, his uneven eyes on the beautiful garden and the servants attending the flowers— He is very sad and…

 

— I don’t mean that –Hephaistion shook his head confusing his lover.

 

— What do you mean, then? –Alexander turned to look at him, but his beloved did not answer immediately.

 

The hipparch had been thinking this for a long time but it was only now, after the news of Cyrus Ochus’ death, that he could put in words what he had been musing in his heart for years. It pained him to admit that he always had more important things to attend leaving his son’s problems behind until the situation got this far, and he promised to change this.

 

— Alex, Aki is a boy –he said as if this needed clarification.

 

— So I noticed –said the King with caution, not understanding what did he mean.

 

— And yet he behaves like an adult when he should be playing in the mud or making pranks –said Hephaistion. Alexander sighed and ran a hand down his face, trying to find a way to say this without insulting his beloved or ending in a very nasty discussion. 

 

— Phai, we have talked about this thousands of times, Aki cannot have the same childhood you enjoyed because he is a Prince. Do I have to remind you that I was not a common child either? –said Alexander, holding his gaze— Phai, please, think about this, right now Aki is 4 months from having the same age I was when I met you, did I was childish them? Of course not! In fact, you hated me because of this, because you thought I was a smart-ass.

 

That last remark stole a smile from the hipparch’s sensual lips.

 

— Yes, I remember that –said Hephaistion, thinking in how much he disliked Alexander back then— Alex, trust me I understand what you are saying but I have also told you “thousands of times” that Aki is not you –he insisted— And I have to confess that I did not understand what was wrong with my son until he said he was afraid that you could forget him once you got married.

 

— What are you saying? –the King truly had no idea of what was his beloved talking about.

 

Many times they had had this same conversation and Alexander thought he understood his adopted son better than Hephaistion because his own childhood had not been a common one. He had not been a child who played in the mud or planned pranks with his friends, he too had to grow up fast in a place he shared with the other wives and other daughters of his father, in a place where intrigues could be found in every corner. What could Hephaistion possible mean? 

 

— Alex, Aki is not perfect, in fact, he has lots of mistakes. For example, you have confidence, you are outspoken and determine whereas Aki is shy, undecided and terrible socializing. You have an ego the size of Babylon whereas Aki has very little self-esteem –the hipparch made a pause— In one word, do you want to know what is the main difference between you and him? Charisma. Aki does not have charisma and the only thing he think he has is his intelligence, that is why he tries to be perfect because he admires you and wants to be the perfect son for you –his beloved explained— And this worries me because I don’t think is healthy for him to keep always his emotions at bay. Why do you think he has been crying, unable to stop, since he heard about Cyrus’ death? Why do you think he cried and shouted like he did when Kleitos died? Because Aki explodes and when he does, he can’t control his emotions.  

 

The King fell silent, he had never considered this; what his beloved said was a complete revelation for him and only in that moment he began to comprehend many things about his Prince’s behavior. 

 

— Phai, I never asked him to be perfect –Alexander said slowly, as if he were apologizing. His beloved nodded.

 

— This is not your fault and I am not trying to imply it is, I just want you to understand Aki and…—Hephaistion sighed and brushed his hair back— I don’t know what to do to help him. Last time I saw him he was still crying and I don’t want him to keep suffering like this.

 

The King stretched his arm and took his beloved’s hand, watching those long fingers for a moment before finding the right words. 

 

— You are Aki’s father but you can’t fix his life –he said, still holding his hand— You have to let him deal with his problems alone and to overcome this on his own.

 

— But what if he can’t? –Hephaistion’s voice trembled— Aki is such a fragile boy that... 

 

— He is stronger than you think –Alexander lifted his eyes to look at his beloved and both fell silent for a second while the King caressed the back of his hipparch’s hand with his thumb— Phai, Aki still likes Bagoas?

 

The sudden change of subject took Hephaistion aback.

 

— I guess…why?

 

— I have noticed that Aki is very attach to the few people he likes, maybe because he doesn’t have many friends, I am not sure –said the King.

 

— What are you thinking?

 

— If he likes the eunuch I will give Bagoas to him, if you don’t mind –said Alexander— Maybe that will cheer him up.

 

Bagoas was very near to lose his head after Alexander learned of what he had done to me and it was only thanks to Achilles that he managed to survive only to die at my hands years later. Almost proverbial, don’t you think? I agreed with my King’s plan because I also thought this would cheer up my son and, at that moment, I would have done anything to see Achilles smile. But before Bagoas could hear the good news about his fate I talked to him.

 

There were still many things I needed to know about the whole affair with the wine and the herbs, and the only one who could give me answers was he.

 

I would never forget the eunuch’s face when I entered in his small cell. He was terrified and when he saw me he fell at my feet sure that I had come to execute him. You may think this gave me some sort of satisfaction, after all he had humiliated me in a very embarrassing way in front of Seleucus, but no. How could I bring myself to hate such a pathetic creature, trembling on the ground, his life in my hands to do with it whatever I wish? It was like having a thin branch knowing that I could break it if I wanted.

 

When I was mortal I never took pleasure in others’ misery, I never liked to humiliate people and I only felt pity for that thin branch called Bagoas…That, and an urgent need to get some answers…

 

— Why? –asked Hephaistion, sitting on an old chair in front of the prostrated eunuch— Achilles told the King about your plan but I want to understand why did you create such complicated plot to catch the King’s attention. 

 

Bagoas did not answer immediately. He knew his life was in danger and that the man in front of him could save him as easily as condemn him if he pissed him off; but he hated the hipparch with such intensity that he needed time to control himself before speaking. The eunuch could not show him how he really felt, what was really lying in the deepest parts of his heart, he couldn’t.

 

— Sir, I told the Prince everything…

 

— Tell me again –Hephaistion interrupted him— I know what you said to Achilles but I want to hear it myself. Why did you set me a trap? And sit down so I can look at your face while you answer. 

 

The eunuch swallowed. The hipparch was not the Prince, he was smarter. For one thing when he confessed what he had done to Achilles he always kept his face down, prostrated, and now he was afraid of what his face could betray, of what could this man find in his eyes.

 

— I am in love with the King, sir –Bagoas answered, never looking at Hephaistion’s face but sitting on the floor as he wanted— And I was jealous.

 

—  You were or you are? –the hipparch pressed him.

 

— I…am. 

 

— And you wanted to make the King jealous enough to despise me? –the hipparch asked, never missing one of the eunuch’s reactions.

 

— Yes –Bagoas made a supreme effort to keep his voice still.

 

— Why did you write to Seleucus using Achilles’ name? –asked Hephaistion, this was the only thing that did not make sense in the eunuch’s plan and he wanted to hear the explanation. 

 

— I thought the Prince felt something for the commander and I wanted to gain his favor –answered the eunuch— I know the Prince is a shy young man and I wanted to help. A eunuch needs a powerful patron and, since the King did not show interest in me, I thought maybe the Prince will…

 

The hipparch fell silent for a long moment, making the eunuch nervous until he finally nodded slowly.

 

— You were right just in one thing –said Hephaistion— The Prince is showing interest in you and the King has decided to spare your life and give you, as a gift, to Achilles.

 

And Bagoas finally fainted in that moment. After days thinking he was going to be executed this was the best news he could get and his body released all the tension accumulated during these days passing out.

 

XXX

 

(1) Arrian. The Campaigns of Alexander, p 220-223.