Warning: Again I’m obliged to put this again incest.

 

CHAPTER 161

 

Between Queen Cleopatra and her advisors.

41 BC Alexandria

 

“Antonius will melt nothing down” he said firmly. “You’ll go to Tarsus, Cleopatra, and meet him there”

 

“Like a chattel? Like a mouse? Like a whipped cur?”

 

“No, like a mighty sovereign. Like Pharaoh Hatshepsut, so great her successor obliterated her cartouches. Armed with all the wiles and cunning of your ancestors. As Ptolemy Soter was the natural brother of Alexander the Great, you have the blood of many gods in your veins. Not only Isis, Hathor, and Mut, but also Amun-Ra on two sides –from the line of the pharaohs and from Alexander the Great, who was Amun-Ra’s son and also a god”

 

“I see where Cha’em is going,” said Sosigenes thoughtfully. “This Marcus Antonius is mo Caesar, therefore he can be duped.”(1)

 

-o-o-o-

 

Nikandros stayed there, as if time had frozen, as if the Gods had stopped to turn their attention to them; just staring at his brother for so long that it appeared as if he expected Hephaistion to suddenly disappear or someone to storm in his room followed by his laughing friends shouting that this was only a joke. Of course, nothing of this happened, and the lochagos was left alone to face the awful truth: he had bedded his brother.

 

He sighed and ran his hand down his face, now that he thought about it, he started to remember with detail everything that had happened the night before, how he had waken up suddenly only to find Hephaistion there, teasing him, seducing him until he inevitably surrendered to his most hidden desires.

 

Nikandros took a moment then and asked himself: How did he felt? Did he feel bad? The lochagos considered this for a moment and to his utter horror he discovered that no, he didn’t regretted what he had done, he had enjoyed it, greatly, being able to drink in that beauty resting so peacefully at his side, to share his soul with the only person in the world who could truly understand him, who could truly be his. It had been better than he had imagined and he would definitely do it again.

 

The lochagos closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. That was wrong, he shouldn’t be thinking and feeling this way; this was not what was expected from him, what was socially correct, the scrip of this play stage at the theater of life said he should be ashamed, consumed by remorse, crying and asking the Gods for mercy and forgiveness while pulling his hair before they decided to punish him just as they had done with Oedipus.

 

Yes, but this is different. Its not like I can have a child with Phai –thought Nikandros, his eyes traveling along the curve of Hephaistion’s back, reaching his butt half covered by the blankets. He felt for his brother the same thing a man would feel towards his beloved, was this truly incest or could it be just a relationship between 2 men?—It would have been terribly wrong if I had slept with Eni –and he felt repulsed just thinking about that, siring a child like the Persian Great King used to do with their sisters.

 

But why? Why did he felt sick thinking about bedding his sister but not his brother? He truly had no idea, and, since the lochagos hated to waste time overthinking things, he decided to move on and deal with his present problem.

 

He had slept with his brother. What now? Nikandros took a deep breath, he could deal with this, he had been dealing with his feelings towards Hephaistion for years now and had never expected that one day his brother would feel the same, last night had been a gift for him, a reward for all those years he only admired the hipparch from afar and he would always treasure that moment until the very last day of his life. It would be his secret, his most sweet memory and his greatest sin. 

 

But, what about Hephaistion? His major concern had always been his brother, could his brother deal with this? What would happen when he remember everything? Would Hephaistion hate him? That was the only thing he feared, that his brother hated him. Nikandros could withstand everything except Hephaistion’s rejection. He doubted his brother would be able to cope with this situation and this was precisely why he didn’t bed him before, because he didn’t want to hurt him, he didn’t want to make him choose, question himself and made his life miserable. 

 

What now? He, for his part, would move on, like he had always done, and tried to help his brother. Nikandros didn’t want to change Hephaistion and would do everything in his power to prevent it, to keep things as they had always been. 

 

For how long was the lochagos sitting on his bed? He never knew, and he didn’t come out of his thoughts until his brother moved lazily, moaning softly and stretching himself languidly, making the blankets drop even more, leaving his round butt completely expose, the covers refusing to hide that magnificent male specimen. In a word, Hephaistion was perfect, the wet dream of every person, his hair deliciously disheveled over his face and his body an harmonious combination between a sensual beauty and strong ferocity.

 

Watching him in those moment reminded Nikandros why he had slept with him after all.

 

When the hipparch opened his dark gray eyes and found his brother awake he smiled, a truly happy and satiated smiled that took his brother aback. This was more than the lochagos could have ever expected, not even in his wildest dreams he would have dared to imagine his brother smiling at him after what had happened. The hipparch sat, brushed his hair back and embraced him, resting his head against his shoulder.

 

- How long have you been up? –asked Hephaistion in a sleepy husky voice.

 

Nikandros smiled without humor.

 

- That’s really what you want to ask me? –the hipparch wasn’t expecting that answer, and lifted his head to see him. His brother wasn’t angry, he was…It was hard to describe his mood and Hephaistion looked at him confused, as if he didn’t speak the same language. Nikandros laughed without noise—Don’t look at me like that Phai, what were you expecting? Well, you finally have what you wanted, haven’t you? So, tell me, what does it feel to fuck your own brother? 

 

- Are you mad at me? –that was the only explanation the hipparch could find for this, even if his instincts told him this wasn’t the case. Last night, standing at the threshold of his brother’s room, he knew Nikandros would hate him for doing what he was thinking, but…—I know you wanted me away from you, but I can’t to do that, I needed…

 

Nikandros threw him backwards on the bed, on all four over him and taking his wrists with force over his head. He was as tall as Hephaistion and, contrary to Alexander, he could very well immobilize him with his sole weight.

 

- What did you need, Phai? –hissed his brother near his lips, holding his gaze—What do you want? I told you over an over again to stay away from me and still you came into my bed last night –Hephaistion looked at him with big round eyes, he didn’t understand what was happening—You are like a child, you don’t know what you are doing –he took 2 fingers inside his brother, sharply, looking only to hurt him and making the hipparch closed one eye in pain—Is this what you want?

 

- Y-yes! –that wasn’t the answer Nikandros was looking and those words made him move away fast and confused, as if Hephaistion had hit him with a mace.

 

The lochagos had hoped to scare him, to make him see that his actions had consequences and that the consequences weren’t always pleasant, to make him realize this was wrong and the hipparch should stay away from him. But, he hadn’t expected this.

 

- Nick, you are more confused than I –his brother’s words sank deeply in him. Could this be true? Could he be the problem instead of Hephaistion?—I love you.

 

Nikandros rubbed his eyes while the hipparch sat in front of him.

 

- Fine –he dropped his arms on his lap, softening his voice— Fine…Let’s say you love me, what now?

 

“What now?” I wish I could stop asking that question –thought the lochagos.

 

- I want to be with you.

 

- Aha, like what? Like my lover?

 

- Well, yes.

 

- And what about Alexander? –that question made Hephaistion avert his eyes and fell silent. Finally Nikandros was starting to understand what was going on here—Why are you running away from him?

 

- I’m not!

 

- Don’t lie to me Phai, I know you better than this –said Nikandros, finally finding the main problem—You are afraid to accept your feelings towards Alexander and that’s why you come to me, because I’m something certain and known –when Hephaistion said nothing and brushed his hair behind his ear, he knew he was right—Let’s do something, I’ll help you to overcome this fear you have for the unknown if you promise to put everything on your part. Phai –he took his brother by the shoulder—I can live with what happened yesterday, I’m a grown up man with many vices and more experience in these things than you can imagine, it’s hard to break my heart –the lochagos smiled— You are doing this because you feel better at my side, but think this for a moment, what about Alexander? You feel bad and you come to me, and he? You are hurting him with your fears and indecision. Unless you don’t care about Alexander, in which case…

 

- I care for him! –Hephaistion interrupted him—I feel…I feel something very strong for him, but, but… 

 

- It’s all right –Nikandros patted his cheek—I’ll help you and I won’t run away again, but, lets keep this between us. We have enough problems without letting someone else to know what happened between us last night.

 

His brother nodded.

 

- You have my word.

 

XXX

 

Fortunately for both brothers that day was a very busy one, full with surprises, bad news, crisis and unexpected events, so they didn’t have time to think much about the night before. While inspecting the forts and giving instructions for his mercenaries, Alexander received very alarming news: Spitamenes, whom he had thought was his ally, had started a revolt and Sogdhiana was in danger.  

 

- But how this happened? –asked Perdikkas.

 

- I don’t know the details but, apparently, Alexander called Spitamenes –answered Hephaistion. He had ran away from his “healers” and was hiding in his friend’s tent—He wanted to talk personally with him but Spitamenes misunderstood his intentions, or took this just as a pretext, saying that Alexander only wanted to capture him, and raised his men in arms. Word has reached us that he is marching to Maracanda.

 

- What a problem! We all thought the old sod was on our side after handing Bessus –said his friend, shaking his head—What is Alexander going to do? Because I doubt he can leave now to deal with this Spitamenes in person.

 

- Why do you say that? –Hephaistion frowned.

 

- I thought you knew –Perdikkas raised his eyebrows, surprised that for once he knew more than his friend about the King’s activities—Where were you last night?

 

The hipparch decided to say nothing about last night.

 

- What happened? –he asked.

 

- Emissaries from the Scythian tribes came to the camp –his friend explained—Alexander heard they attack the Persian border constantly and wanted to stop them, but, all the negotiations went to the garbage when a group of Scythians attacked a Macedonian party foraging for supplies and the locals started to shout insults at us from the other side of the river, saying that Alexander ‘would never dare to lay a finger upon men like them’ or that if Alexander dared to cross ‘he would soon find out the difference between Scythians and Asiatic savages’ (2) And now I heard we are going to cross the Jaxartes to deal with the tribes.

 

- You are right –said Hephaistion—What a problem.

 

XXX

 

Just as Perdikkas said the King sent someone else to deal with the revolt, unable to leave his present position, and sent Pharnuches with a small force to deal with the situation at Maracanda. Meanwhile he got everything ready to cross the river and stop the Scythian tribes whose arrogance was greatly inflated knowing that it had been their ancestors the ones who killed the Great conqueror Cyrus.

 

They were ready to increase the glory of their people claiming the life of another conqueror and would not submit easily, even worst, once Alexander crossed the Jaxartes he wouldn’t face a well-organized and trained army, he would face a guerrilla, the one thing that could destroy an army like the Macedonian.

 

The Macedonian camp was once again preparing for a hard march and a cruel battle, and, for Hephaistion’s delight, the so-called healers were ordered to go back home. Everything would have been great for the hipparch if he hadn’t promised Alexander to hear these men and women one last time, so he spent the day before the march at the King’s tent wearing his very obvious expression of boredom and receiving men after men after men, and the occasional women with their extravagant costumes and ridiculous remedies.

 

Nikandros walked near the place where the long line waited outside the King’s tent and he smiled amused, unlike Alexander he didn’t think one of these charlatans could cure his brother but found everything really funny, specially Hephaistion’s expression of ‘I hate you’ while these people claimed to have the knowledge of the universe invested upon them; by the 10^th time you heard this you started to think the knowledge of the universe was either too easy to find of terrible dull. He stayed there for a while and was about to leave when a man caught his attention.

 

It was an old man, old as time itself, bald, with a long, long white beard, dressed in a simple clean tunic. He was sitting under a tree, holding a stick and watching the line, shaking his head every now and then.      

 

- You don’t approve this? –asked the lochagos, the man had piqued his curiosity.

 

- Does it matter what do I approve or disapprove? –answered the man without looking at him.

 

Nikandros shrugged.

 

- Why do you shake your head like that?

 

- Because I know there is not one single person there –he pointed at the line with his chin—That can cure the Great King’s favorite.

 

- And you can?

 

- I never said that. I don’t even know what is wrong with him, just that he can’t remember his past, but…

 

- But? –Nikandros rested his weight on one foot, shielding his eyes from the sun.

 

- If there is someone who could have a chance to cure him, its Tomyris –the man pronounced the name with great respect and reverence.

 

- Who? –what kind of name was that?

 

- Tomyris is a great Massagetae sorceress –the man explained—She knows things and can see where others are blind. Her healing powers are outstanding –he shook his fit in the air.

 

- How can you possibly know this? –asked the lochagos.

 

- Because she cured me –this time the man turned to look at him—I couldn’t walk and she cured me, and I have seen, with my own eyes, how she cures others with no hope.

 

Now Nikandros was interested in this woman.

 

- And, is she here? –he turned to look at the line of people but the man laughed.

 

- Tomyris would never leave her home, no matter how much gold the Great King could offer her –the man explained—If the Great King wants her help, he would have to seek her.

 

- And where can we find her?

 

- We?

 

- The King’s favorite, as you call him, is my brother –Nikandros explained and the man watched him for a long moment before nodding slowly.

 

- Tomyris lives beyond the Jaxartes, she, the same as her people, is a nomad, never stays in the same place for long –the man looked among his cloths and gave him a stone engrave with a strange symbol—Ride always to the north and you’ll find her, when you do, show Tomyris this stone and she will know you are a friend. But –the man took the lochagos’ arm with surprising force, approaching to his ear and dropping his voice until it was a mere whisper—If you arrive with an army, threatening Tomyris or her people, she would never help you.

 

XXX

 

Nikandros lied face up on his bed, watching the strange stone with an arm behind his head, thinking in the old man’s words. He knew the man could be lying or worst, he could truly believe that this sorceress had real power when in reality she was nothing more than a pretender but…He watched the stone, it appeared to change its color every time he moved it, almost as if it absorbed the light and transformed it. His instincts told him the man said the truth and it was worth trying to seek this Tomyris, she could be his only chance to help his brother.

 

- What are you thinking? –asked Hephaistion, arriving after making sure his men were ready for the march. He sat at Nikandros’ side on the bed—What’s that? –he watched the stone with curiosity.

 

- A man gave it to me –answered the lochagos, still thinking what to do. He closed his hand around the stone and turned to look at his brother—Phai, have you ever had the feeling that something is right even if you can prove it?

 

- Yes –answered his brother—Why do you ask?

 

- Because…—the lochagos sat and told him everything about the old man and the Massagetae sorceress.

 

- Do you truly think this woman can help me? –asked Hephaistion, holding his brother’s emerald eyes.

 

- I do –the hipparch nodded.

 

- Then, lets do it.

 

- Not so fast Phai –said Nikandros—If we do this…I have been thinking a lot in the man’s words and, if we look for her, we’ll have to go alone. If we tell Alexander he would insist in going too and he would take the whole army with him, after all the situation is really complicated with the tribes at the other side of the river. What I’m proposing its suicidal, you and I would have to ride alone into enemy territory while your lover attack these people.

 

Hephaistion thought this for a moment, considering all their possibilities.

 

- Nick, I don’t want to live like this –he said slowly—And, if you think this woman may help, I’m willing to try.

 

The lochagos found only determination in his dark gray eyes. 

 

- We’ll go tomorrow night then, prepare your things.

 

XXX

 

Hephaistion was aware that no one could know about their plan, least of all Alexander, but he wanted to see the King before going; it was a strange sensation but, if he didn’t come back, he wanted to see the blond one last time. He found the King extremely busy in his tent, issuing orders while checking his maps spread on the table. The situation was getting worst, Spitamenes had Maracanda under siege and the Scythian tribes were crossing the Jaxartes River eager to join the fight on the Sogdhian side, why? Because, years ago, King Philip had defeated their brothers at the north of Macedonia and now they were eagerly looking for retribution.

 

What were the Scythians? I may have to explain a little here. The Scythians were the name we gave to several horse riding nomad tribes scattered over a huge territory covering from what is now known as Romania and Ukraine to Russia and Central Asia. They weren’t united under a single ruler but they helped each other from time to time. Their more valuable possession where horses, a man wealth was measure according on the number of horses he had and, of course, as you can imagine, the Scythians were great horsemen and highly dangerous archers. The Massagetae, famous for defeating Cyrus the Great, were not Scythians, but you can say they were like their first cousins, very alike. 

 

To make things worst, the King had asked Aristander to take the auspices that day and his favorite seer had said the omens had been against him, he would try again next day but his mood wasn’t exactly the best in those moments. Even though he was overwhelmed with all these problems buzzing in his head, Alexander stopped what he was doing in the same moment his eyes settled on his beloved standing at the threshold.

 

- If you are busy I can return later –said the hipparch.

 

- No, don’t go. I could use a break –said the King, without noticing Eumenes rolling his eyes behind him. The secretary would never like Hephaistion and he liked him even less now that he didn’t have his memory because he only caused problems, but knew better than to say something.

 

Alexander took the hipparch into his room and asked his pages for food.

 

- I haven’t eaten anything since morning –said the King, taking a seat at the table and pointing at a chair in front of him for Hephaistion to join him.

 

- You should take better care of yourself –said his beloved—What would be of the army if something happened to you? 

 

Alexander smiled.

 

- I’m glad to see you care about me –Hephaistion blushed.

 

- I’m sorry.

 

- For what?

 

- For hurting you –those words took the King aback—I know you love me and I…I feel something for you but I don’t know how to deal with these feelings –Alexander’s heart beat faster, could there be hope for him?

 

- Phai –he took his beloved’s hand over the table—If you need time, I’ll wait until you are ready. 

 

The hipparch shook his head.

 

- I don’t want you to suffer –he said—You don’t deserve this, and neither do my brother –that remark caught the King’s attention—I am the problem, and until I can solve my situation I will keep hurting you.

 

- What are you trying to tell me? –Alexander didn’t like this, he didn’t have to read minds to know his beloved was planning something and that he wasn’t going to like it.

 

Hephaistion didn’t answer, he stood up and kissed him, climbing on the table to finally rest on his King’s lap, embracing him with force. Alexander was taken aback by such outburst of passion but soon he kissed his beloved back, overwhelmed by the desperation of his embrace. 

 

- I’ll fix this, I promise –the hipparch whispered against his lips.

 

XXX

 

When the moment came to finally leave the camp under the cover of darkness, Hephaistion felt even surer that this was the right thing to do. He couldn’t continue like this, not knowing was driving him crazy, and he was also hurting the people who loved him the most. He and his brother packed sufficient supplies, they would take 4 horses and one mule to carry everything. The hipparch thought it was too much but Nikandros made him see that they didn’t know for how long they would be gone and they had to be ready.  

 

Hephaistion kissed Achilles’ sleeping face, as a silent good bye, and then he was ready to go. To sneak out of camp was easy enough, the real problem would be to cross the Jaxartes since it was a very broad river. Alexander had issued orders to cross it like they had done at the Oxus, making floats with the tents, but they didn’t have that option so, they had to ride for hours until they find a low pass without Scythian sentries. Then, they were officially entering into enemy territory. They rode for hours and neither spoke until dawn was close, then Nikandros pointed out they should rest.

 

- What do you think Alexander would say when he finds out what have we done? –asked Hephaistion, chewing his bread in front of the bonfire.

 

That question made his brother laugh amused.

 

- YOU are asking ME that? –he shook his head, still smiling—Well, he is going to be really confused and I bet you that more than one would suggest that we are deserters, especially your enemies.

 

Hephaistion fell silent. The sun was rising and now he could have a better look of what lied ahead of them.

 

- You said they called this place the Sea of Grass.

 

- Yes –Nikandros nodded.

 

- I can see why, everything is green here –it was a very monotonous sight, a green steppe of never ending grass. 

 

- Well, I heard one of the guides saying that these Scythian have lots of horses, I suppose that’s why they look for places with grass –said Nikandros, finishing his bread—Trytorest –he said with his mouth full, then he swallowed—I’ll have first watch, then I’ll sleep.

 

XXX

 

(1) Colleen McCullough. Antony and Cleopatra, p 27

(2) Arrian. The Campaigns of Alexander, p 206