Chapter 160

 

Warning: Me again, beware is this also another –M– Chapter with a more er-- explicit incest. Please, if you don’t want to read this just skip it and no harm done.

 

CHAPTER 160

 

Hephaistion ran to his brother’s tent, he ran away not from an enemy of flesh and bone, but from a more dangerous one: himself. His heart was a mess and his mind an utter confusion; it was as if a dense mass of fog were there, making impossible for him to think correctly, increasing the anxiety of someone who all his life had depended greatly on his judgment, someone who placed all his confidence in his power to reason, but now, he was denied even that.

 

The hipparch didn’t know what to do. He ran, ran, ran with all his forces hoping, maybe in vain, that physical weariness would help him to feel better. Why couldn’t he remember? Why was only emptiness in his mind? What was his heart trying to tell him? Why did his chest hurt like that after leaving Alexander’s side?

 

Hephaistion dropped on his bed, hiding his face in the pillow. What was he suppose to feel after what had happened? He liked Alexander, he was starting to realize this, and, to feel his hands over his body and his sweet kisses had made his soul shudder, but…He also liked Nikandros. Alexander made his soul burn and his brother gave him peace. It was so confusing. Of course the hipparch had enjoyed being with the King, and the way the blond looked at him melted all his defenses, his uneven eyes were full with such love and adoration…and, to feel him inside him had been… But, he felt the same for Nikandros, every time he slept at his brother’s side he felt secured, not navigating over the sea of the unknown at the mercy of any storm.    

 

And, Alexander’s passion was like a storm…

 

Hephaistion hit his bed in frustration. What was he doing to do? He wanted to remember, he wanted to know, and then a terrible fear invaded him, what if he was going crazy? The hipparch felt as if ice were running through his veins, a hollow in his stomach, prey of a very real fear of being losing his mind. Suddenly, the air didn’t reach his lungs, his heart beat faster and his hands sweated, he was having a panic attack…He took both hands to his head, it hurt and it hurt terrible, as if his skull were about to split in 2, a pain as he had never felt. He cried out, and screamed his brother’s name with all his forces.

 

Nikandros woke up immediately, almost falling from bed when he heard his brother and came running, finding Hephaistion curled up in fetal position, moaning in pain. 

 

- Phai?, Phai? –he asked terribly worried hearing Achilles’ steps behind him.

 

- My head! –Hephaistion shouted, his jaw clenched with force and a tear trapped at the corner of his eye.

 

- What’s wrong? –asked the Prince scared, standing on the threshold.

 

- How the hell should I know? Go and get the doctor –said Nikandros in a terrible mood and the boy ran to obey, not bothering to look for shoes. And the Prince of Macedonia ran like a beggar, barefoot and dressed only with a simple tunic around the camp, but his fear was greater than everything else, what if his father was in mortal danger?

 

XXX

 

Achilles not only called the doctor, he also went for the King and when all of them arrived, they found Nikandros embracing Hephaistion, trying to comfort him somehow because he truly had no idea of what else to do and was starting to despair. He had never seen his brother like this, literally crying because of the pain, and couldn’t thank enough the Gods when he saw the doctor.

 

- I gave the hipparch something to sleep –explained doctor Philip to his very concerned audience. Achilles was embracing the King by the waist, as if he were his pillow, expecting the worst. 

 

- What happened to him? –asked Alexander, his mouth was suddenly dry, but he, the same as Nikandros, had never seen his beloved crying because of the pain and it had truly scared him. That night had truly being something, he had passed from aroused, happy, frustrated, angry and, finally, worried.

 

Doctor Philip shook his head.

 

- I don’t know sire, perhaps…—he couldn’t finish what he was going to say because the King cursed and shouted angry.

 

- I’m tired of the same damn answer “I don’t know”! Is there something you do know?

 

The poor doctor needed a moment to think what to say, or this could be his very last words.

 

- Sire, what I have observed is that the hipparch is under a lot of stress and this could have caused his headache –he said.

 

- What do you mean? He needs to rest? –asked Alexander in disbelief. He had seen Hephaistion much better when he started to work and, now he would have to rest again?

 

- No, sire –doctor Philip made a pause—He is confused and…

 

- I already know THAT! –the King was in a terrible mood and, when he was like this, there was little they could say to reason with him.

 

- Dad –said Achilles softly, pulling his cloths as he used to do when he was little—I think that what doctor Philip is trying to say is that daddy has emotional stress.

 

- Yes, sire. I do think that –said the doctor, very grateful to the young Prince. 

 

The King fell silent. What did they mean by that? That their lovemaking had caused this? That was absurd! He puffed his cheeks out; this was so frustrating, nobody seemed to know a thing and he didn’t want to admit that he was equally lost.

 

- By any chance, do you have an idea of what to do? –Alexander’s tone was sarcastic but the doctor decided to pay no notice.

 

- Don’t press him, let the hipparch remember at his own leisure.

 

- “If” he remembers –said the King angry.

 

Alexander spent the night in Nikandros’ tent he wanted to be there in case his beloved suffered another crisis and the lochagos gave him his room; he would sleep on a couch. An hour passed, then 2, 3, and Morpheus refused to embrace neither, the lochagos or the King. After what had happened to Hephaistion they were denied that little comfort that a few hours of sleep, that abandonment into oblivion, could give them, both haunted by the same thought: “was this my fault?”

 

If Hephaistion was confused and under emotional stress, could be their fault? Alexander kept thinking over and over again about their love making, how confused was his beloved when he left, and if maybe, maybe he should have insisted that the hipparch stayed at his side, that could have helped?…

 

Nikandros for his part recalled word by word their conversation, his brother’s mixed feelings towards him, how fragile he looked, how desperate to cling to something familiar. Was he making things worst by denying Hephaistion his company? Would his brother be better if he gave Hephaistion what he wanted? The lochagos shook his head, that was his own desire talking, looking for a pretext to take what he had always wanted without remorse. 

 

When morning came the only one who felt better was the hipparch, he spent a good night of sleep, felt relax and without pain. He sat on his bed and looked at his hands, now, under the warm sunlight and feeling calm he felt ashamed of his fears the night before, maybe he had exaggerated but still…He didn’t want to think about that. Hephaistion stood up and left his room, he was hungry, and on his way to look for food he frowned and then smiled, finding Nikandros sleeping in a very uncomfortable position on a couch: face up, one leg down and the other on the couch, one arm resting over his chest and the other behind his head. Half of the blanket was on the floor and half barely covering his legs.

 

Hephaistion looked sideways, they both were alone, so he dared to approach even more, sitting astride on the lochagos’ lap, taking a moment to watch him without distractions. He brushed his black blue hair with his fingers; both had the same straight hair, but Nikandros’ wasn’t as long as his own, just reaching his shoulders, and it wasn’t magnificent, like liquid silk, always moving at the hipparch’s will as if his hair didn’t have another purpose than to make him look good. He caressed his brother’s cheek and smiled thinking they had the same nose and bone structure.

 

His older brother was indeed a very handsome man his problem was that nobody noticed because compared to Hephaistion he was just another one, for one Nikandros didn’t have that exotic epicene beauty that had fascinated even Darius, he was more masculine, more common, and had a scare of his jaw, a gift from a Persian after the battle of Gaugamela. He was like Hephaistion but at the same time different, something that fascinated the hipparch. 

 

 

Hephaistion sighed, caressing his brother’s scare with his fingers. Why had he left Alexander like that the night before? The truth was that he had panicked, everything was new for him and, what he had felt was so intense that he feared to lose himself in that whirl of emotions; but, while watching his brother’s sleeping face he felt better. Then, an idea struck him, would he feel the same as he had experienced last night but with Nikandros? He rested his head on his brother’s chest and closed his eyes for a moment, hearing his heartbeat. It was so relaxing…

 

- Phai? –the King’s voice made him lift his head. Alexander was standing a few paces away. He had been there for some time now but was too enthralled by the sight of his beloved over his brother that he had remained silent.

 

- I didn’t know you were here –said Hephaistion, standing up. He didn’t look embarrassed after being caught in that peculiar position and that piqued the blond’s curiosity. 

 

- I came as soon as I heard you were in pain –the King explained, approaching him—How are you?

 

- Better…Thank you –his beloved felt very uncomfortable with Alexander there and his sleeping brother on the other side—Listen, about what happened yesterday…I’m sorry for leaving like that, I…

 

- It’s fine you don’t have to explain.

 

- Yes, but… —the King silenced him with a soft kiss and felt immensely happy when Hephaistion didn’t move away, on the contrary, even kissed him back. 

 

- You know? There are other places where you can do this without disturbing my sleep –said a sleepy Nikandros, yawning.

 

The hipparch blushed savagely, but Alexander just laughed. The lochagos smiled watching them together. This was how things had to be, Hephaistion belong at Alexander’s side. The hipparch was a person as Nikandros had never met, he really gave his entire self to his loved one, with him you didn’t have to pretend, to fall into that dance of deceive that were “love” relationships and the lochagos knew all too well about this.

 

The women with whom he used to sleep didn’t care about him, they just cared for appearances, for the social protocol and the lies, they didn’t want to know Nikandros because his lovers were more interested in what they believed than in what was real. All of them except for Vasthi, she was the only woman with whom he was truly himself, something he had only been able to do with Hephaistion.  

 

But the hipparch was not for him, and Alexander should be very grateful to all the Gods for giving him such a precious lover.

 

XXX

 

The Macedonian army moved in direction to Maracanda, the capital of Sogdhiana. Alexander was convinced that Spitamenes was his allied, after showing the goodwill to hand Bessus and, convinced that the satrapy was in peace, he continued his journey. The King had plans to found a new city, Alexandria-the-Furthest, as a defensive place to stop barbarian tribes from invading Persian territory. On their way they passed near the Jaxartes River, the one that marked the boundary between the Persian Empire and the Scythian tribes. Here they found several forts, dated from the days of Cyrus the Great, and the King stopped for a while to inspect them and to replace the garrisons with his own mercenaries.

 

- It was in this place that Cyrus the Great died –said Achilles, riding at the King’s side, watching the river before them—He fought against the Massagetae, thinking he could subjugate them, but the Great King fell in battle –the boy brushed his hair back—Dad, do you think the Massagetae are really that strong? 

 

- I truly don’t know, son –answered Alexander—But, who knows? Maybe we’ll find out –he smiled mysteriously to his Prince. 

 

And, it was in this place, that Alexander faced a very curious army, one composed by: priests from all possible religions, doctors, so-called doctors, wanna be of doctors, sorcerers, shamans, healers, Magi, and all kind of charlatans, just as Eumenes had predicted. Even if this place was, literally, on the end of the Persian Empire, that didn’t stopped these men after hearing the amount of gold that they could obtained if they healed the Great King’s beloved.  

 

For Perdikkas, Leonnatos, Ptolemy, and even Nikandros and Krateros, it was truly funny to see Hephaistion’s expression of “I hate you all” while man after man came to check him, each one with a remedy more absurd than the last, dressed in flamboyant fashion with histrionic demeanors. A great number of soldiers and officers came to see this freak show, it was like going to the circus and the hipparch’s bored expression made it even more funny. This parade appeared to have no end, Hephaistion had been there the whole day, but, when the sun started to hide, ready to leave his place in heaven to the moon, he decided it was enough. He stood up and went to the King demanding to stop this madness.

 

- I’m tired of being these men’s experiment subject –said a very serious Hephaistion in the royal tent—I’m not an exotic animal and I want you to send these people back home. 

 

- Phai, don’t be angry who knows and maybe one of them can cure you –Alexander explained and his beloved looked at him as if he had said rocks would sing.

 

- Alex, these…“men” –the hipparch said through clenched teeth, instead of the very rude word that had come first to his mind—Have no idea of what they are doing.

 

- How can you be so sure? –said the King softly. He truly had faith in his plan and was ready to prove anything to have his beloved back, but Hephaistion didn’t share his confidence in these people.

 

- Oh, that’s easy, one of them said I should break an ostrich egg on my head and sitting under a full moon for an hour –Alexander laughed out loud—Other said I should eat the brain of a crocodile and, oh! This is my favorite, another one tried to drill a hole in my skull to let the bad spirits out.

 

- Phai, I’m sorry –the King tried to sound sincere but he couldn’t stop laughing, Hephaistion saw him through narrowed eyes. 

 

- I won’t do this anymore, I stink of oils, ointments and I don’t know what other shit and had to listen priests chanting for hours –said the hipparch, crossing his arms.

 

Alexander sighed.

 

- All right, I won’t force you to do something you don’t want to –he said—But, at least, would you listen to them? I insist, maybe someone knows something useful. 

 

Hephaistion thought about it for a moment, he truly doubted it, but he found Alexander’s concern touching and, even if he hadn’t realized this openly, he also cared about the King. He nodded.

 

- Fine, but not today –the hipparch agreed— It had been enough for one day.

 

Alexander took a long lock of his hair and kissed it, as if it were the hand of a beautiful woman and that made Hephaistion blushed.

 

XXX

 

Nikandros was sleeping, resting on his side with the blanket barely covering him, when Hephaistion stepped into his room. The hipparch had come back after checking his troops, wishing that, by the time he arrived to his brother’s tent, he would feel better, but that didn’t happen. He knew his brother would get mad, and for weeks he had tired to dismiss the idea but…Hephaistion needed this, he wanted it, maybe if he followed his instincts then his doubts would disappear, that fear that haunted him during the night would leave him and he would be able to sleep without the help of teas.

 

His insomnia had never been worst and after that day he was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all. This had been a terrible day, hearing an endless number of men and women claiming that they could cure him only to find that they were as clueless as he. His friends had seen the funny side of it, but, the truth was this experience had been discouraging and even depressing for him. Was there no hope for him? Would he have to learn to live like this?

 

The hipparch wanted to feel better and with that thought in mind, he climbed the bed, under the blankets, and embraced his sleeping brother from behind. It felt so good to be there, he felt safe and calm near Nikandros, with his strong body against him. He closed his eyes enjoying the moment, if only this feeling could last; and then, he slid his hand down his brother’s torso, feeling his strong abdomen under the fabric of his tunic, inhaling the smell of his skin and, just as had happened with Alexander, that smell turned out to be very familiar. Hephaistion bit his lower lip and looked for the edge of his cloths. 

 

He was nervous and excited as only the thought of doing something very wrong could make him feel, a hot tickling ran thought his body; he knew his brother would be furious but, maybe naively, he hoped Nikandros would understand. Something had awakened in him when he slept with Alexander and he wanted, he needed, to feel that again. His hands trembled slightly when he felt the lochagos’ skin, the muscles contracting under his touch and, for a while, his finger wandered over his thighs not daring to go further. Their bodies were very much alike, tall, slender but strong and well built, and, as soon as the hipparch buried his hand between his brother’s legs he discovered that Nikandros also were very vocal.

 

Hephaistion’s face burned when he felt his brother arousal, shyly, he moved his hand up and down, hearing the lochagos breathing faster and moaning softly, this was even better than he had imagined. He hid his face in Nikandros’ dark hair, inhaling again that familiar smell and closed his eyes, feeling his own heart beating as fast as his brother’s, synchronized in a perfect melody, until he felt the lochagos’ hand taking his wrist with force, stopping him and taking him out of this placid dream.

 

- Phai? –asked Nikandros in a husky voice, agitated, confused and aroused. As answer Hephaistion kissed his shoulder, caressing his neck with his nose. His brother closed his eyes with force, as if he were in pain or making a great effort, hearing the sound of wet kisses and feeling those lips sliding through his neck, making him shudder—Why…are you…doing this to me?  

 

- Because I want to be with you –then his brother was lost. He had tried with all his might to keep his hands away the hipparch but this, this was too much and he wasn’t made of marble.

 

Nikandros turned, took his brother by the arm and held his gaze in the darkness. A lonely oil lap was burning outside the room but the dim light was enough for him to distinguish the love, desire and neediness in those dark gray eyes. Hephaistion closed the distance between them and their lips brushed slightly, sending spark through the lochagos’ body. How many times had he dreamed about this? More than he dared to admit, and now, it was there for him to take.

 

The hipparch slid his lips over his brother’s and Nikandros closed his eyes, enjoying that sensation and keeping it in his memory forever. Hephaistion left a kiss, with his mouth open, over his lips and then, his brother kissed him as he had always wished, savagely, urgently, forcing him to open his mouth, tangling his fingers in the silky strands of his hair to throw his head back, leaving his throat deliciously exposed.

 

That outburst of passion took the hipparch aback for a moment, and he felt again overwhelmed and lost, vulnerable in the middle of a storm but wanting more. He rested his leg on his brother’s side, hearing him moan loudly inside his mouth when their hips touched. The lochagos took him by the thigh with force, marking his fingers on his creamy skin. Gods! His skin was almost unreal, impossible soft. He surrounded his wait with his free arm and sat with his brother on his lap, without giving his lips a rest.

 

Now it was Hephaistion’s time to moan and sigh when he felt Nikandros’ arousal against his own, he pressed his knees at the lochagos’ sides, and, in that moment, Nikandros knew he could sell his soul just to spend the night with this beautiful creature. He undressed himself and Hephaistion so quickly that he torn his tunic in the process, but he needed to feel his skin against him own, more than he needed air. It was a dangerous desire, threatening to drive him mad.

 

I must be dreaming –thought the lochagos—Yes, this is a dream and here I can do whatever I want. 

 

Nikandros kissed him until the need for air was stronger than their need to feel each other, cupping his face with one hand, and running the other up and down the hipparch’s back, his fingers sliding through the canal of his backbone. Hephaistion rocked his hips, looking fascinated how his brother finally lost control, his emerald eyes shining with pure lust. Now, there was not turning back. 

 

This was similar but at the same time different from what he had felt at Alexander’s side, he wasn’t going to reach his forgotten memories but he felt in peace. The King was his past, his brother was the present and he knew that, at some point between the 2 of them, lied his true self.

 

- Nick…—he panted when he felt his fingers inside him. It had been years since the last time the lochagos had slept with a man, but, even in that state, overwhelmed by the heat running through his body, he could retain some control. He didn’t want to hurt the hipparch—Nick…—Hephaistion whispered, leaning his cheek against his brother’s, rounding his neck with his arms. 

 

He could feel Nikandros’ heart beating fast against his chest, they were so close, his brother’s heat threatened to consume them both but he couldn’t care less. Hephaistion moaned and cried with force when he finally felt the lochagos resting inside him, his head twirling around, and his whole body melting. The hipparch arched and moved down to feel him more closely and his older brother moaned louder, soon following the sensual rocking of his hips.

 

- Nick…—Hephaistion threw his head back—That’s…

 

The lochagos took his hips to show him how he wanted the hipparch to move, faster, desperate, frantic, and his brother obeyed, moving faster and faster and making Nikandros torn his throat in loud moans. This was not as the lochagos had imagined, it was better, finally he felt complete, as if he were arriving home after years lost; this wasn’t only lust, this was different, this was incredible intimate and he truly felt sharing not only his body but also a piece of his soul with his brother.    

 

Later, neither remembered when they finally fell asleep but, that night, Hephaistion finally rest, without dreams haunting him and without fears.

 

XXX

 

Nikandros opened his eyes lazily when the morning sun hit his face with it’s warm light. He had had a very strange, although hot, dream, one as he hadn’t had since he was a teenager and felt, at the same time a little aroused and very disappointed.

 

Phai is truly going to drive me mad –he thought. Even if he had laughed himself to tears after watching the endless line of people claiming to have a wonderful remedy for his brother’s malady, the lochagos had to admit that he was also very depressed, he too had hoped one of them would be able to cure Hephaistion, not only because he wanted his brother to be fine, but also because he wanted to end with that uncomfortable situation.

 

Nikandros had thought to speak with Alexander about this situation several times but, every time he was ready to do it he couldn’t find the words to explain what was happening, and so he said nothing. He yawned and turned to rest face up, rubbed his eyes with infinite laziness until his stomach growled, then, he decided it was time to look for breakfast. It was in moments like this that he truly missed his wife, not only because she cooked, also because it wouldn’t hurt to have a woman in that moment, after that dream.

 

He smiled and shook his head, in what moment had Alexander decided to leave the camp followers? Even the whores had been left behind. The lochagos sat down, scratching his head and then, he froze. He wasn’t alone. Hephaistion was sleeping at his side, face down and completely naked.

 

Zeus, Hades and Poseidon! It wasn’t a dream –and Nikandros panicked—What have I done?  

 

XXX