CHAPTER 156

 

The army prepared the camp for that night. Finally, after 17 days on the mountains they would have a proper restful night. Perhaps they hadn’t reached their goal of capturing Bessus but they succeeded in taking control of the satrapy; Bactria was no longer under the rebellious satrap’s command and this meant one place less where he could hide or obtain resources to his cause. And, to make things even better, the catraphracts, along with all the Bactrian troops, had abandoned him. But, a night that could have been of joy and celebration was of deep sorrow for the King.

 

It had been hours since the doctors locked themselves with Hephaistion and no one had came out with news of his beloved’s condition. Alexander had been there all day, he hadn’t changed his cloths, and was still wearing his armor, only his helmet was missing, his greaves sounded while he paced around, outside his own room, making his friends and officers nervous. Achilles, Nikandros, Lysanias and cousin Demetrios were there too, pale, miserable and worried, uncle Althaimenes was missing, but that was because he was left behind in the Macedonian garrison at Hyrcania.  

 

Probably, in that place, the only person who was more worried than the King, about the hipparch’s condition, was Nikandros; he kept chewing his thumb compulsively feeling terrible powerless. Lysanias turned to look at the door every 5 seconds, expecting someone to appear. He hadn’t seen Hephaistion when they took him here, but had heard Nikandros and Demetrios talking about his wounds and had an idea of his condition.

 

- Why is this taking so long? –asked Lysanias to his cousin, but Demetrios shook his head.

 

- I truly don’t know, Lys.

 

Alexander stopped abruptly, catching the attention of all the present when the clik clik clik of his armor ceased, and turned to look at the door of his room as if it had mortally offended him. He was tired of waiting and sick with worry, he would know what had happened to his beloved in one-way or another, and so the King advanced briskly to his room, with all the intention of kicking the door down if that was what he needed to obtain some answers; but before he reached it, the door opened.

 

Just as had happened at Tarsus, when the King fell sick after recklessly jumping into the Cydnus River, all the doctors of the army were with Hephaistion, but the only one who had the guts to face the King, and his now famous wrath, was doctor Philip. For the look on his face, they all knew something terrible was going on.

 

- Is Phai dead? –asked Lysanias stupidly, and both, Nikandros and Demetrios slapped the back of his head.

 

- How is hipparch Hephaistion? –asked the King. His voice was hard and cold, he was at one step to start ordering executions if he didn’t get an explanation soon.

 

Doctor Philip cleaned the sweat from his forehead with he back of his hand. He had hours thinking how to explain this to the King and still, he didn’t know what to say. Maybe a priest or a sorcerer would have a better chance in this particular situation. 

 

- Sire, the hipparch is…

 

- What? He is what?

 

- He suffered an injured on his head.

 

- I already know that but, how is he? –Alexander was starting to lose his patience and that was never a good sign.

 

- The wound is fine, the bone is not broken –a general sighed of relief could be heard. They all had seen truly frightening things that appeared to be taken from horror movies when the skull was broken—He doesn’t have major wounds, except scratches and bruises.

 

- Then he is fine –the King smiled, but the gloomy look of his personal doctor erased his growing good mood in a second.

 

- Sire –said doctor Philip with caution—The hipparch is er- a little…confused.

 

- What are you talking about?…Is he awake?

 

- Yes, sire, but…

 

But before the poor doctor could say another word Alexander strode in his room. Nikandros, Lysanias, Achilles and Demetrios followed him, and they all found Hephaistion sitting on the bed, his hair combed in a ponytail and a bandage around his head, answering the doctors’ questions. Apparently everything was fine, the hipparch had a strange look on his face, but hey, a horse had fallen on him just hours ago. Besides that, he was in perfect conditions, and the King would have been relieved if it weren’t for the pale faces of the doctors there. In a way, they looked worst than the injured man.

 

- Phai? –Alexander approached the bed, and the doctors moved to make room for their sovereign.  

 

Hephaistion didn’t look at him, until the King was standing in front, as if he hadn’t heard him or didn’t know to whom he was talking. Then, the hipparch frowned and cocked his head.

 

- Phai? –said the King again—How are? How do you feel?

 

- I’m sorry, but, do I know you?

 

The question was so unreal that almost sounded ridiculous. For a moment Alexander thought his beloved was joking and his lips started to curve in a smile until he saw the emptiness in those dark gray eyes he loved so much. The hipparch’s expression was blank, he truly had no idea of who was the blond standing in front of him or who was “Phai”.

 

- What is happening here? –Alexander asked the doctors as if his beloved’s condition were their fault. He was so angry, worried and shocked that his voice sounded amplified several times, almost echoing in the walls. Was just them or the temperature had suddenly dropped too?

 

In those moments, Lysanias felt sorry for the doctors, they looked like a pack of scared rabbits, huddled and trembling, watching their King with big round eyes and pupils dilated.

 

- Sire, this is what I was trying to tell you –said doctor Philip—The hipparch lost his memory.

 

- What, in the name of all the spirits of the underworld, are you talking about? That’s not even possible! –shouted Alexander, scaring even more the poor doctors.

 

Doctor Philip swallowed hard, as if he had a rock stuck in his throat.

 

- Apparently, it is, sire –he said— The hipparch doesn’t remember a thing previous to this day. We have been questioning him all day, but he doesn’t even know his name.

 

The King was cold. He didn’t know how to react, how could he? How could he be prepared for a situation like this? He was silent in shock, so it was Nikandros who reacted first.

 

- But, that doesn’t make sense –said the lochagos—I mean, he can talk, if he didn’t remember a thing, then he would have forgotten even that, don’t you think?

 

- Sir, we are as confused as you –said doctor Philip with honesty, cleaning again the sweat on his forehead—In all our years as doctors neither have seen something remotely similar to this case. The hipparch is in perfect conditions, but he doesn’t remember anything.

 

- Maybe Phai is confused –said Lysanias—I mean, he hit his head pretty hard.

 

- It’s a possibility –said doctor Philip but it was clear that he was clueless as the newcomers were, which was even more worrying. When doctors doesn’t know what’s wrong, then, who can help you?

 

Alexander sat down at Hephaistion’s side and took him by the arms firmly. 

 

- Phai look at me. You know who I am –he held his gaze and spoke with force in his commanding voice, as if by the sheer power of his will his beloved could remember everything—Look inside you and you’ll know who I am –he shook him and the hipparch closed his eyes in pain.

 

- My heart hurts –he muttered and doctor Philip approached him.

 

- Sire, the hipparch has been under a lot of stress, we asked him questions all day and I think the best is to let him sleep –said the doctor.

 

Alexander didn’t move, he remained in the same position, holding Hephaistion by the arms. He didn’t want to leave his beloved, he wanted to stay here and fix things up, but…How was he going to fix this in the first place? At the end he did exactly what the doctor said, he too needed to rest after that terrible day, but he was sure sleep would eluded him.

 

XXX

 

Next day the King literally ran to see his beloved. He must have fallen asleep at some point because when he saw it was already morning. It didn’t surprise him to see Hephaistion wasn’t alone, Achilles and Lysanias were there and, on a small table, the remnants of his beloved’s breakfast.

 

- Yes, you are my father but no, you are not married –said Achilles with all patience, sitting at the hippach’s side on the bed.

 

- And we live here? –asked a very confused Hephaistion.

 

- No, this is a military camp. We are in the middle of a campaign –his son explained.

 

- Why am I here? Am I a soldier or something?

 

- You are a hipparch –answered his brother, on a chair in front of him—A hipparch is…

 

- A cavalry commander –said Hephaistion without hesitation and Lysanias opened and closed his mouth taken aback.

 

- Well, yes –how was that his brother remember that but was unable to recall their parents’ faces?

 

- Dad! –Achilles exclaimed when he saw the King, and the brothers turned to look at him.

 

- How is he? –asked Alexander, approaching the bed.

 

- I’m fine, the fact that I can’t remember my past doesn’t mean I’m deaf too –said the hipparch in a tone of voice that remained the King immediately of a 13 years old teenager that used to hate him.

 

Hephaistion had no idea of who was the blond and the only thing he knew in that moment was that: he had shouted and shaken him demanding for him to remember. That wasn’t a very good first impression. 

 

The King smiled sadly.

 

- I apologize –he said— How is your head?

 

- It hurts but it’s tolerable.

 

- We are telling daddy about himself –Achilles informed him—Maybe to hear about his life would help.

 

King looked around.

 

- And Nick and Demetrios?

 

- With their men, they have things to do –explained Lysanias.

 

- Nick is my brother and Demetrios my cousin, right? –asked Hephaistion, remembering what they had told him. Alexander sat down on a vacant chair, holding his gaze and his beloved looked at him with curiosity– You have eyes of different colors –said the hipparch—Just like Achilles. 

 

- You truly don’t remember anything? –he couldn’t accept this, it was more painful that all the wounds he had suffered during all those years of hard campaign. His beloved slowly shook his head. 

 

- Dad is my uncle –explained the Prince, because the King looked incapable of keep talking—But he adopted me. 

 

Hephaistion laughed truly amused confusing the 3 of them.

 

- I have a complicated life, don’t I?

 

Lysanias smiled.

 

- You said it.

 

- Aki, Lys leave us alone –asked Alexander suddenly. It took them a moment but they obeyed and when the door was closed…

 

- Why all the mystery? –asked Hephaistion.

 

- I want to talk to you.

 

- Fine –his beloved looked at him for a moment, narrowing his eyes, trying to remember who he was, but, when that failed he asked—Before anything else, could you please tell me who are you?

 

The King sighed. This was so difficult...not to mention awkward. After all they had been through now he had to introduce himself to the person that know him the best in the world. 

 

- I’m Alexander son of Philip –he said without emotion and the hipparch smiled. 

 

- Are you always so serious? You look as if someone has died.

 

- You forgot about me, how do you expect me to feel? –the King answered harshly. He was starting to despair and that was worsening his mood, making him furious. Hephaistion was taken aback by the violent response. Every person who wasn’t used to the King’s outbursts of anger was always greatly impressed—You truly don’t know who am I? I can’t believe for a moment that this is true! –he shouted—HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT ME?  

 

The hipparch looked at him with big round eyes. Alexander was angry, furious as very few times he had been in his life, he had always been bad coping with sadness, the blond didn’t know how to manage this emotion and, instead of getting depressed, he always got angry. In those moments the King of Macedonia and Great King, of almost all Persia, was like a bull about to charge, seeing all red around him. 

 

- And how do you think I feel? –asked Hephaistion, softly but his tone was cold and hurtful, like a dagger’s blade—Do you think is very comfortable to live unable to remember a damn thing? I don’t even know who I am and you come here yelling as if this were my fault.

 

- It’s your fault! –exclaimed the King without thinking—You lied to me! You said you would always be at my side but you forgot me. You could have forgotten about the entire world, but NOT ME!

 

- Get out –said the hipparch—I don’t know why do you feel with the right to come and yell, and personally, in this moment I give a damn about who you are; I just want you to: Leave. Me. Alone!

 

Alexander felt as if ice water had fallen over him. He had argued with Hephaistion many times before, but he could always feel an unconditional love behind his anger, he knew his beloved loved him despite insults or blows (and the occasional bite) but now, he only felt anger and no trace of the love Hephaistion had felt for him once. He didn’t know what to say, to do, to feel…He stood up like an automat and left the room.

 

XXX

 

- So, it’s true? Phai has no memory? –asked Leonnatos when Alexander told them about the hipparch’s condition. As it always happened when several persons were stuck in the same place for too long, the rumor of Hephaistion’s amnesia was everywhere—But how is that possible?

 

- How the hell should I know? –Alexander was still in a terrible mood and there weren’t any signs that it would improve any time soon.

 

- What I find hard to believe is that not one of our doctors seems to know what’s happening to Hephaistion –said Ptolemy, shaking his head. They were reunited in the King’s tent, just his closest friends, Alexander needed to talk to someone, he needed to calm down, and it was this or going outside and start causing random havoc among his troops… or start killing prisoners.

 

- The best doctors of the worlds, my ass –mutter the King—I have heard all my life that Greeks are the best doctors and I have a little army of them here and they are as useless as a group of charlatans selling amulets at the Agora –he kicked the table with force making Perdikkas flinch.

 

- How about asking Aki’s Persian professor? –asked Leonnatos, suddenly remembering Bahman—You know, that old guy…the Magus?

 

- He is not here, he was left in Hyrcania –answered Alexander—But I already gave orders to bring him here –he fell silent for a moment and, then, an idea struck him. He looked around for one of his pages and the boy approached quickly—Call Eumenes.

 

The boy nodded and ran to obey, leaving behind a group with “confusion” written across their faces.

 

- What are you planning? –asked Perdikkas with curiosity. 

 

- I’m sending messengers to all the major Persian cities and Egypt –said the King suddenly—I’m going to give a reward to the man, or woman, who can cure Hephaistion –he had successfully surprised his friends—If the Greeks doesn’t have an idea of what’s wrong with him then, I’ll ask every man in this Empire until someone can bring him back. 

 

Nobody argued.

 

XXX

 

Eumenes was the only one to object about this reward thing, not because he considered it was a waste of time and resources, even if he hated Hephaistion the secretary knew that an Alexander without him was worst than to suffer the hipparch’s presence; but Eumenes objection was because of the amount the King was promising to the man, or woman, who could cure his beloved.

 

- Sire, this is…is –the secretary struggled to find the right words to describe this shock and indignation. Not even if he lived a hundred years would he be able to make so much money—Sire, it’s too much gold.

 

- So? It’s my gold and it’s my lover, I can do whatever I want with my money and I don’t recall asking you for a loan –Alexander’s mood was getting worst, and yes it was possible.

 

Eumenes shook his head.

 

- Sire, what I’m trying to say is…You are going to attract a great number of charlatans with this –he said, reasonably—Every man in these lands would come here just because of the gold, even if they don’t have a clue of what they are doing.

 

- I don’t care! –the King raised his voice—Someone must know what’s happening to Phai and I’ll do whatever it takes to have him again at my side.

 

He talked as if his beloved were death or lost far away, and maybe he wasn’t too mistaken to be acting like this, after all his Hephaistion, the man who loved him, the one who had grew up with him was gone and that was what was killing him.

 

XXX

 

- Holy Mother $%&/ with $%&/ On top! –exclaimed Perdikkas when he, Leonnatos and Ptolemy went to visit Hephaistion later that day—You truly don’t remember anything.

 

- Nooo! Seriously? –asked Ptolemy, bent over in front of the hipparch who was sitting on the bed among several cushions—But surely you must remember something.

 

Hephaistion looked at them through narrowed eyes.

 

- You know? I’m not some kind of exotic pet and its uncomfortable when you stare at me like that –he complained.

 

- I’m sorry Phai, but…it’s so weird to talk to you when you don’t know who we are—said Leonnatos. Now he started to understand why was Alexander so worried. 

 

The hipparch sighed.

 

- I’m tired of keep hearing that –he said—So, lets cut the crap, who are you?

 

- We are your friends –said Perdikkas with big radiant smile.

 

- Are you sure? –asked a very confused Hephastion, making them roar with laughter.

 

- We met at the royal palace at Pella when we served as pages –Leonnatos explained—We were 13 years old at that time. 

 

- Right –said the hipparch but the truth was that he had no idea of what was he talking about—And your name is…

 

- Leonnatos, but you always call me Leon –Hephaistion looked a little depressed.

 

- I wish I could remember that –he whispered, lowering his eyes.

 

- Don’t worry –Perdikkas patted his back—You’ll be fine, we’ll tell you everything you need to know and surely soon enough you’ll remember everything.

 

- I hope you are right…

 

- Perdikkas –the taxiarch introduced himself.

 

- Right.

 

- You know, Hephaistion? –said Ptolemy suddenly, a smile full with mischief curving his lips while he approached the bed—Maybe this is not the best time but I’m in the difficult position of reminding you that you own me money. 

 

- Really? –asked the hipparch.

 

- Ptolemy! –Perdikkas and Leonnatos scolded him.

 

- I tried –Ptolemy, threw his arms in the air, defeated.

 

XXX

 

Alexander couldn’t wait longer in this place and next day he gave the order to march to Bactria’s capital, a city called Zariaspa. They didn’t encounter any kind of opposition and at Zariaspa, the troops were allowed to have a well deserved rest. Hephaistion had to travel with the injured because of his head, it wasn’t serious but it hurt and the doctors forbade him to ride. The King ordered that his beloved should rest and do absolutely nothing more, hoping that maybe this would help to restore his memory but he didn’t dare to visit him again…it was too painful.

 

He didn’t saw Hephaistion during those days of march, but all the rest visit him daily, sometimes twice in one day: from his family to Dismas his ex second-in-command. Dismas was fond of him, but most importantly, he respected the hipparch and as soon as he heard about his condition he went to pay him a visit. Even Chrysaor asked to see him and thanks to Achilles he was allowed to do so. 

 

- You have to see the bright side, Heph –had the bodyguard said—You forgot all the bad things that ever happened to you.

 

- Sure! Along with all the good ones too –answered Hephaistion, but he wasn’t angry, on the contrary, the pezetairos’ good mood was contagious, and that was precisely what he needed, to cheer up—What was our relationship again? Are we friends?

 

- Actually Heph, this is kind of embarrassing –said Chrysaor, feigning shyness—But you are crazy about me. You chased me for months even if I told you it wasn’t right, but you were so insistent. 

 

- Aha –the hipparch was unimpressed—Chrys, do you have an idea of how many people have come here with the same story?

 

- Seriously? –the pezetairos was in shock.

 

- If I were to believe what you all say, then, it seems I slept with half of this army –that made Chrysaor roar with laughter and Hephaistion smiled. 

 

- Oh! Dear Zeus…—the pezetairos cleaned the tears from his eyes— Who else came with the same story? –he was like a gossipy old woman.

 

- Lets me think –Hephaistion fell silent for a moment—Perdikkas, Ptolemy, 3 of the royal pages, 3 or 4 of my own men, Nick’s friend Kleopatros, 6 or 7 men from other units…

 

Chrysaor whistled.

 

- You are bloody popular.

 

- I’m starting to notice that –answered Hephaistion.

 

Alexander seemed to be the only one who never went to visit his beloved, but one day, once they were in Zariaspa, the King was discussing with Eumenes about the new arrangements for the satrapy, while a servant took notes behind them, when they saw Hephaistion about to mount a horse. The King stopped and saw with horror how Nikandros was helping his brother, even if the hipparch didn’t seen to need any help at all.

 

- What’s going on here? –asked Alexander, approaching them and leaving Eumenes with a word suspended in his mouth. 

 

- I’m taking Phai around the city –answered Nikandros.

 

- Why? I gave orders that he has to rest –the King wasn’t happy. 

 

- Because I don’t want to rest –answered Hephaistion, looking at him from above the horse—I feel better and my head doesn’t hurt anymore –the King noticed then that he didn’t have the bandages around his head. 

 

- That’s not the point. The point is I gave an order –Eumenes rolled his eyes, Alexander was one step to be angry… again.

 

The hipparch frowned.

 

- Nick told me you are our King –he said with calm—But I don’t think that gives you the right to be an ass.

 

Nikandros tried his best to remind serious he was sure that, in his King’s present mood, if he laughed he would be executed.

 

Alexander took a deep breath, count to 10 and...count to 10 again. 

 

- I’m worried about you –he said at last—And I think the best, in your present condition, is to rest.

 

- Why are you worried about me? –Hephaistion was curious—You worry like this for all your subjects? Then you don’t have much sleep, do you?

 

The King puffed his cheeks out and turned to look at Nikandros like a bird of prey.

 

- You didn’t tell him? –he reproached him.

 

The logachos made an effort to think what was Alexander talking about.

 

- You mean…why didn’t I tell Phai about…you two? –he guessed.

 

- Yes.

 

Nikandros sighed in relief.

 

- I didn’t thought I was the right person to explain him that –he answered—I was hoping you would tell him.

 

The King had to admit that Nikandros had a point, this was not only very important it was also very intimate and private. He was Hephaistion’s lover and he should be the one explaining to him about their relationship, but…It was so hard.

 

- Sire –said Eumenes with caution—I’m very sorry to interrupt but Artabazus is here.

 

Alexander turned and found old Artabazus standing a few paces from them with his retinue. He was planning to name the Persian satrap of Bactria and this meeting was a very important, it couldn’t be delayed.  

 

- We’ll talk later –the King said to Hephaistion and then, he left.