CHAPTER 137

 

- Aren’t you excited, Phai? –asked Berenike, pushing her stroller with baby Demetrios, while they walked around the park. It was a beautiful sunny day, and Hephaistion was finally on vacations after very stressful weeks with his boss Parmelio. He still thought the old man was plotting something, something big, his best guess was that he wanted to kill someone, but he didn’t have proofs and didn’t dare to open his mouth yet; Parmelio was very powerful and to incriminate such an important man without proofs was the same as signing his death sentence. 

 

But this day Hephaistion didn’t want to think about his boss, his work, possible assassination conspiracies or why Dexter’s new season hadn’t started yet; he wanted to relax and fool himself thinking that everything was just great…until he had to go back to his office.

 

New thought, new thought, new thought –he said to himself. 

 

Since Alexander was spending the day with his band, and their marvelous manager whom Hephaistion still hated for being too perfect to be so close to his blond, he and his sister had taken their children out.

 

- Phai? –Berenike insisted, playfully pulling his T-Shirt. 

 

- Mm?

 

- You didn’t answer me…What are you thinking? –asked his sister, her huge sun glasses reflecting his own serious expression.

 

Hephaistion took a moment before speaking again, his eyes on Achilles running in front of them with his friend Cyrus.

 

- Nothing, don’t mind me –he said, cocking his head—What did you want to know?

 

Berenike smiled.

 

- I asked if you are excited with Alex’s new concert.

 

- Oh! That, well, it’s just another concert, Eni –said Hephaistion, failing to see why the fuss. 

 

- I know, but the way I see this trip to America, it could be your second honeymoon –said Berenike, jumping excited. She was a very romantic girl and her brother and Alexander were like her private soap opera, something that Hephaistion sometimes found irritating because she always wanted to know every single detail of their private life. 

 

- Fat chance, we are taking Aki with us.

 

- But you are forgetting something, I’m coming too and I can baby-sit Aki while the 2 of you have fun –said the new wife of the bass player of the band. Her relationship with Leonnatos had ended in the same moment he knew she had slept with Kleitos, he didn’t care if the DNA test said the baby was his, he felt betrayed and didn’t want to see her or the baby, again even if Hephaistion, and all his friends, had talked to him; Thessalonike had been very insistent trying to make Leonnatos see that Demetrios wasn’t the one to blame for Berenike’s mistakes. But he wouldn’t listen but they all hope that Leonnatos would change his mind one day.

 

Her brother smiled.

 

- I’ll have to think about that.

 

- You know Phai, you should go and buy something sexy for Alex –said Berenike, with a big mischievous smile. 

 

- Berenike! –exclaimed Hephaistion.

 

- What? What’s wrong with that? I’m sure my brother-in-law would appreciate to see you wearing something…—but Berenike never finished that sentence; her eyes were settled on the cover of a magazine displayed at the newsstands. Her gray eyes doubled their size watching Alexander kissing…

 

- Eni, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m not a woman? If you have the idea that I’m going to buy sexy lingerie for Alex you are out of your mind –said Hephaistion, oblivious to what was his sister watching.

 

- You know what? You are right –said Berenike quickly, stepping between her brother and the newsstands and taking Hephaistion aback. He was right? Since when he was right while arguing with his sister? Berenike always managed to have the last word—And since you are right I’m…er…I’ll buy you an ice cream.

 

Her brother frowned confused.

 

- What are you hiding? –Berenike started to sweat cold. 

 

- Nothing –he waved her hand in front of her to rest importance to the matter and laughed almost hysterically, confusing Hephaistion even more—Come, I’m sure Aki and his friend are going to love the ice cream idea –she started to walk again, anxious to take her brother far from here.

 

Even if Hephaistion had no idea of what his sister was planning he followed her, never turning to see the newsstands for Berenike’s relief; she didn’t want to imagine what would happen if her brother saw that photo, what was Alexander thinking? She had to ask Thessalonike if she knew something. She took her cell phone and sent a text message to her friend while pushing her stroller, turning over her shoulder to check that her brother was busy with Achilles and Cyrus.

 

Berenike bought ice cream for all, but she was so busy with her nephew, who didn’t know what flavor to choose, that never saw when her brother turned and found a magazine laying alone and forgotten over of the tables. At first Hephaistion didn’t pay it attention until he saw the cover with a photo of Alexander kissing…

 

He strode to the table, took the magazine and stared at the cover unable to believe his eyes, feeling a strange mixture of emotions and burning fury that was difficult to explain with words, in that moment all his fears and doubts became true and he felt as the biggest fool on the face of earth for trusting Alexander. 

 

- Phai, Aki wants a triple chocolate ice cream, do you think that’s ok?…Phai? –Berenike walked at his side and saw with horror the magazine—Phai, I know there must be an explanation for this –she said very slowly. 

 

- Do you? And what kind of explanation can you have for THIS? –her brother shouted shaking the magazine in his hand, furious as Berenike had never saw him.

 

- Phai, it could be a mistake, m-maybe it’s a trick…em…photoshop? –Hephaistion snorted. She was very nervous and didn’t know what to do to calm down her brother. 

 

Oh, this is so bad. Alex, for your own good I truly hope this is a mistake –thought Berenike.

 

XXX

 

It was late at night by the time Alexander got back to his house, he was very excited, his manager and band mates had loved the song he had written for Hephaistion and Julius was sure it would be the best power ballad of all times; he couldn’t wait to see his beloved’s expression when he sing it to him during his next concert. He was daydreaming, with a big smile on his face when he stepped into his house and found all his things packed. For a moment he thought he was in the wrong house.

 

- What the…? Phai! What’s going on here? –asked the blond, looking for his beloved. He went to their room but before he could reach it he found Hephaistion at the middle of the hallway, the look on his face left him even more confused: his beloved was furious as he had never seen him—My love? 

 

- How can you call me that after what you did? –it was official, Alexander was completely lost. He was sure that if he asked what he had done it would be worst but he truly had no idea of what his beloved was talking about.

 

- Phai, calm down…

 

- Calm down?! After you ended in your manager’s bed? –Hephaistion yelled at him. 

 

- What?! I have never slept with Julius, Phai, where did you get the idea that…? –but as an answer Hephaistion threw him the magazine.

 

When Alexander saw the cover his expression betrayed his thoughts. He had no idea how this had happened but someone had taken a picture of him and Julius kissing at the park.

 

But…This was months ago –thought the blond reading the headline: “Metal idol sleeps with his manager”.

 

- I can explain this –said the blond, lifting his head.

 

- Enlighten me –Hephaistion crossed his arms.

 

- I never had sex with Julius –Alexander held his gaze, sure of every word.

 

- And what about this photo? –asked his beloved his voice cold and cruel, he looked more like an executioner than like a jury willing to give a verdict, it was clear that for him Alexander was guilty and it would be very difficult to change his mind.

 

The blond sighed; he thought about all his options and decided that, in his present situation, it was better to tell him the truth.

 

- We kissed months ago, but that was all –that didn’t help Hephaistion to feel better.

 

- Do you like him? –his beloved wanted to know.

 

- Why are you asking me this? –Alexander threw the magazine at one side.

 

- Because I need to know –Hephaistion’s voice trembled, full with a myriad of emotions so different among each other that it was incredible to be able to feel them all at the same time— Do you like Julius?

 

- Phai…

 

- Answer me?!

 

- Yes, I like him –again, he thought the best was to be honest—But that doesn’t mean I feel something for him –he added quickly.

 

Hephaistion fell silent. He felt like a fool, he knew there was something strange between Alexander and Julius, it had been worst after they returned from Egypt, the blond was so loving with his manager and his inner cricket had told him there was something amiss. And what had he done? NOTHING! He had trusted Alexander and he had betrayed him.   

 

- I don’t want you to stay here tonight –he said slowly—I want to be alone.

 

- Phai –he closed the distance between them but his beloved moved away—This is ridiculous, it was only a kiss.

 

- It wasn’t only a damn kiss! –Hephaistion raised his voice—Can’t you see why I never liked your manager? Because he is exactly the kind of person you can fell in love with –that left the blond speechless—I have never been jealous because I always knew that you love me, but when I met Julius and saw how you like to talk to him and how well you two get along…

 

- But that’s insane –said the blond, running a hand through his hair— I love you, I’m crazy about you…

 

- Really? –asked Hephaistion, his voice trembling with emotion—You love me so much that you kissed Julius even if you knew that would hurt me. 

 

- I made a mistake –said Alexander—I’m sorry, what else do you want me to do?

 

- I want you to leave –said his beloved again.

 

- This is also my house and I’m not going anywhere until you listen to me –now the blond was getting angry.

 

- What do I have to listen? –Hephaistion held his gaze, his gray eyes shining in defiance—How much do you like Julius? I can have an idea watching all the pictures inside that damn magazine.

 

- And I suppose you never do mistakes; you are perfect, don’t you?

 

- I have never betrayed you –said his beloved.

 

- Not that I know, but only God knows what you have done with your friend Scipio –that took Hephaistion aback, after all he had almost slept with the Roman.

 

- I don’t like Scipio, Alexander –he said slowly but with intensity.

 

- That’s what you say.

 

- You are insulting me! –Hephaistion raised his voice again—That’s why you wanted to stay? 

 

- You know what? You are right –Alexander turned and took his keys again—I’ll leave.

 

- That’s the only intelligent thing you said tonight! –Hephaistion heard the blond slamming the door and puffed out. 

 

What a mess –he thought, feeling his heart beating savagely.

 

XXX

 

- I saw the article when I came home –said Julius, taking Alexander to his study. After leaving Hephaistion he had headed straight to his manager’s house finding him in a terrible mood. He had never seen Julius angry but again there wasn’t another thing that enraged him more than scandals questioning his sexual preferences—My secretary found it.  

 

- How this happened? –the only person angrier than the Roman was Alexander, the god damn person who had taken that photo was ruining his life.

 

- I don’t know yet but trust me, I’ll find out –the tone of his voice was dangerous and the Macedonian almost felt sorry for the responsible…almost.  

 

They fell silent. Maybe Alexander had done a mistake going to Julius’ house, what would Hephaistion think if he knew? But he needed to talk to him, they both were in this and both had to find a way out.

 

- Hephaistion is furious with me –said Alexander after a moment—He kicked me out of the house

 

- I told you, that kiss was a bad idea –said Julius, but Alexander wasn’t sure if he was scolding him or if he was scolding himself. His manager was mature enough to accept his mistakes, it was pointless to blame the Macedonian for something that he too had enjoyed—That night when you took care of me after my seizure I told you that you didn’t have the cold blood to be with me and them return to your beloved’s side as if nothing had happened, and for what I see neither Hephaistion has stomach to share you with someone else. 

 

Alexander sighed.

 

- But, why can’t Phai understand that I love him? We only kissed, but that was nothing.

 

- Because he is not you –now that his manager was angry he had no patience to be dealing with the Macedonian’s love life. They were friends, yes, but they also had a lot of problems right now—And as far as I’m concerned if Hephaistion had been the one caught with me you’ll be furious too. 

 

Alexander clenched his jaw. There Julius had a point, but…What could he do now?

 

XXX

 

- Daddy, I don’t get it –said Achilles, 2 nights after Hephaistion threw Alexander out, sitting at the kitchen’s table, resting his face on his hands—You are angry because dad kissed Julius, but dad said he was sorry. 

 

Hephaistion puffed his cheeks out while preparing dinner with his blue apron that said: “No. 1 Dad”

 

- It’s not that simple –he answered, checking that his meat wasn’t overcooked. 

 

- Why not?

 

- Alexander betrayed my trust –said his father, attacking the poor vegetables as if they were the ones to blame for all his problems.

 

Not to mention that he insulted me –he thought angry—All right, I wasn’t very honest with him, after all I kissed Scipio but I don’t like him, and Julius… —he burned in jealousy remembering Alexander’s expression on the photos, the 2 red spots on his cheeks. 

 

- Why? It was only a kiss –said the boy with all innocence, imagining a very chaste kiss on the lips, not the savage and passionate one that they had shared. 

 

- It wasn’t only a kiss! –exclaimed Hephaistion angry making Achilles jump. He closed his eyes for a moment, took his hand to his forehead and breathed—I’m sorry –he opened his eyes again—I’m sorry Aki, but…You’ll understand better when you grow up.  

 

- I miss dad –that disarmed his father– Daddy, why don’t you forgive him? –asked the boy with caution—Dad loves you, isn’t that what it’s really important?

 

- I guess, I mean…—Hephaistion made a pause—Of course that’s what really matter, but I don’t like the idea of Alexander kissing with Julius.

 

- Me neither, but we can ask dad to stop doing it –Hephaistion had to smile at his son’s simplicity. He was going to open his mouth and said something when he heard someone calling him. 

 

- Did you hear that? –asked Hephaistion and Achilles lifted his head to pay attention, then he heard clearly someone shouting: “Phai!”

 

- Someone is calling you, maybe from outside –said the boy, and his father went running to the second floor with the boy behind him, opening the doors of the balcony to have a better view of the street.

 

And there they found Alexander standing under the balcony with his guitar.

 

What the hell? –thought Hephaistion. Achilles ran at his side to see what was happening.

 

- It’s dad! –he exclaimed very happy and very surprised.

 

- Phai! I’m sorry! –shouted the blond—I wrote you a song for your birthday...

 

Is he serious? –thought his beloved without believing that this was actually happening to him.

 

-…I wanted to sing it to you at my concert but I’ll do it now –Hephaistion felt his face burning, for a moment he was very tempted to leave, but watching Alexander’s expression made his heart melt and his feet refused to move.

 

It was the most sweet and loving song Hephaistion had ever heard, not because it was dedicated to him, but thanks to the strong feelings the blond had managed to transmit in his music and lyrics, making him feel as the most important person in the universe and also the most beloved. He didn’t want to but soon he was smiling. Achilles was right, after all what really matter was that Alexander loved him more than anything; after all we all do mistakes and he wasn’t perfect.

 

XXX

 

Hephaistion woke up alone in his room at the palace. It was dawn, he could tell by the faint rays of light that came through the curtains...But everything felt so unreal, he felt so strange, as if he couldn’t tell the difference between a dream and the real world…Had he truly waken up or was he still sleeping? 

 

Again, those strange dreams –thought the General. But this time, his dream had left him with a curious feeling. Somehow he knew this time he hadn’t seen the future…Or had him? Was Parmelio truly plotting something? But the most significant thing was that he had seen exactly the opposite situation he was living, as if his subconscious were telling him that he should think carefully what was he doing; after all, he had been the one who slept with someone else.

 

He covered his head with the blankets, and turned to rest on his stomach, burying his face in the fluffy pillows. He felt so confused, he had slept with Scipio because he was angry but…What was he going to do now? His friend was right, he had made a mistake when he confronted Alexander after scolding Achilles in public. His mistake, he admitted it, and then everything had gone from bad to worst.

 

How could he possible apologize now? He would have to admit that he had slept with Scipio and the King would be furious…Besides, Alexander had to apologize for trying to force him to sleep with him.

 

We are screw –thought the General, puffing his cheeks out and wishing for a magical way to end with all his problems, he was stuck and didn’t have an idea of how to get free.

 

Finally after long moments delaying the inevitable, he stood up and got ready to begin his day. Again, he would have to supervise the transportation of the treasury, but he had promised Scipio that he would introduce his family to him, they were going to eat together, and if Hephaistion wanted to be ready by noon, he had to hurry.

 

The morning was proving to be extremely peaceful, almost boring, watching camel after camel loaded with gold; the first time one saw this view it was impressive, so much gold and riches!!! But after a day the gold and riches lost all their glamour. Was this what had happened to the Persians? Were they so used to luxury that found it no longer exciting? Funny, but the General never thought that could happen to him, and little by little he and his companions were getting used to live in a way that, a couple of years ago, seem only like a wild and distant dream. 

 

- Sir! –Hephaistion turned, glad to have something to distract him from the camels… until he saw who was calling him.

 

- Hero –said the General, remembering clearly the half eaten corpse that the young man and the slave Doros had showed him a couple of weeks ago. He felt a knot in his stomach but managed to keep his face expressionless—Did it happen again?

 

- No, sir, but I found a witness –said Hero, lowering his voice and looking sideways—Another of the infirmary slaves saw someone leaving the corpse.

 

- Did he saw the man clearly? –asked the General with interest but Hero shook his head.

 

- It’s probably sir, but he doesn’t want to talk to me.

 

-Why not?

 

- He is afraid…His name is Biton, apparently he and other of the slaves saw the man leaving the corpse –Hero explained—But the other slave disappeared and Biton is scared, he is convinced that if talk to me he is going to disappeared too. 

 

Hephaistion sighed; after all this morning wasn’t going to be boring.

 

- Where is Biton? –asked the General.

 

It was more difficult than Hephaistion had anticipated to convince Biton to talk to them, even if the slave knew who was the General, he was so sure that a demon had eaten the corpse, and that the same demon would come for him if he talked, that, at some point, even Hero started to believe him.

 

- Biton, nothing is going to happen to you –said Hephaistion with all patience—If the…demon was going to take you he would have done it by now, after all your friend didn’t talk and you say he disappeared, don’t you think? –to try to convince him that demons didn’t exist was a waste of time, so the General tried his best to calm him down—Maybe what you need is to tell what you know –he smiled at him his most charming smile. 

 

Apparently the slave hadn’t thought any of this because he fell silent for a long time. He barely looked at Hephaistion but the General’s voice was gentle and that started to make him feel better.

 

- What do you want to know? –asked the terrified Biton.

 

- Just what you saw –Hephaistion repeated for the fifth time that morning.

 

The slave fell silent again, and for a moment the General and Hero were sure he wasn’t going to say another word.

 

This is a waste of time –thought Hephaistion, ready to leave when…

 

- It was very late –said Biton at last, twisting his hands compulsively, looking at his feet—Itys and I were preparing the corpses after the battle, you know that one at the Persian Gates –the General nodded—Then we heard a noise, at first we thought it was an animal, but we heard it again.

 

- What kind of noise? –asked Hephaistion.

 

- Footsteps –said the slave—It was clearer the second time. Itys went to look and I followed him –Biton trembled—The demon dropped something and when he turned he found Itys not far from him. Itys asked ‘What are you doing here?’ but the demon turned and left. We went to see what he had dropped and saw… —he swallowed, unable to keep going.  

 

- You saw a corpse with bite marks, is that right? –Biton nodded—This demon, how did he look like? Tall, short…

 

- Not too tall and not too short –said the slave.

 

- Did you saw his face?

 

- No, sir; he was wearing a hood, but for the sound of his footsteps I think he had a sword and was wearing an armor…but, well there was something more.

 

- What?

 

- H-he walked funny, with a limp.

 

A demon with a limp, how curious –thought Hephaistion. Biton hadn’t said much but at least now the General had an idea of who could be behind this and he didn’t like it. For someone with a limp to kidnap a wounded man from the infirmary, killed him and then dispose of the corpse without raising suspicious that would mean this man was part of the army, another soldier most probably judging by what Biton said, not one of the servants or slaves, not even the enemy—Which means this man could be here at Persepolis, could be anyone. This is just great… 

 

XXX

 

Alexander always knew that Hephaistion would be his perdition. He had always sought to be like Achilles, and the same as his famous ancestor he had a fatal weakness…Weakness? Was it right to call him that? Or would it be better to call him strength? The most powerful King of the known world was as helpless as a child when it was about his beloved. The whole week had been a nightmare; he wanted to lie to himself, thinking that he could play the part of the all mighty King passing judgment on his subjects, but...  

 

I should know better by now –thought Alexander.

 

Hephaistion wasn’t his puppet to do what he wanted, he wasn’t his slave, he wasn’t just his subject, he wasn’t a sycophant that would tell him only what he wanted to hear. Hadn’t he said it himself? Hephaistion was also Alexander, he was his equal, his soul mate. Then, why had he behaved as he did? Easy, he was angry. He was used to have things under control and everything had gone wrong since he arrived to Persepolis, his plans weren’t going as he wanted and Hephaistion, instead of helping, had argued with him over a stupidity.

 

Why can’t Hephaistion see that I’m under a lot of pressure? –said Alexander to himself, laying on his bed, his uneven eyes on the ceiling, one arm resting on his abdomen the other on his forehead. All that luxury and riches and he was alone in that magnificent room. He sighed—I always have to be the bad guy, why? Because I’m the King? Precisely because I’m the King I have more concerns and responsibilities than Hephaistion, my life is more complicated and the only thing I ask is to have him at my side, is that too much? To sack Persepolis was necessary, why can’t anybody see it? If I go soft with the Persians they would stab me from behind, we are in the middle of hostile territory, miles from home, miles from the sea, and I have to be ruthless if I want us to survive… And to make things worst the damn Roman had to come –he cursed— What timing! He couldn’t have chosen a worst moment. Hephaistion looked so happy with him…I mean I want him to be happy just not with him, and now Kleitos with his ideas about him sleeping with the Roman.

 

Alexander twisted his lips as if he had tasted something very bitter. Yesterday he had heard his hipparch talking to Ptolemy, he had felt so many things in that moment that it was difficult to describe: jealousy, a horrible monster that threaten to devour him; anger, a burning and oppressing feeling knowing that the damn Roman had dared to touch his Hephaistion; betrayal, his beloved had given what was only his to another, to a lesser man; sadness, his General was the only one who understood him, why couldn’t he understand now?

 

But his most powerful emotion was jealousy, oh how he had fought the urge to go and kill Scipio with his bare hands after hearing that he might have slept with his beloved. But, for once, the tiny little voice of reason had stopped him; he already had enough problems with Hephaistion to add an attempt to murder his friend based only on hearsays. So he had sent Ennychus, one of his pages, to follow the General…All right that was childish but was better than just execute the Roman without proofs, right?     

 

But Ennychus didn’t brought back very encouraging news.

 

- Sire, the General spent the entire afternoon with the Roman –had said the boy 2 hours before—He introduced his friend to his family, they ate together and apparently had a great time because I heard them laughing and joking. I hid under the window and I could hear fragments of the conversation. The General’s family liked a lot the Roman…Your son asked him lots of questions about his city, he was very intrigued by everything he had to say. 

 

Alexander clenched his jaw; he felt again the anger burning inside him remembering his page’s words, he hadn’t found anything incriminating, but that didn’t mean he felt better, his beloved had introduced the Roman to his family and his family loved him...That was what was eating him. He tried to calm down, he hadn’t been precisely a model of chastity this last week, he didn’t know if Hephaistion knew, most probably yes because Perdikkas and Leonnatos told him everything, and he was sure that the taxiarch knew that he had slept with more than one of the royal concubines.

 

Why? Again, the King was angry, under a lot of stress and didn’t think just react…He had to do something with that temper of his before it got him into more troubles.

 

But, for some reason, he couldn’t calm down. The royal concubines meant nothing to him, in fact whoever had seen the kind of women he chose would have laughed: tall, with gray eyes or golden or bronze hair and fair white skin. But Scipio? Hephaistion loved his friend, he felt something for him even if it only was a harmless friendship, but the point was that the Roman wasn’t indifferent for his General. Had they really slept together? And if they had, had his beloved liked it?

 

Now I’m tormenting myself –thought the King. He felt like going crazy, he missed Hephaistion, he needed him but now he didn’t know what to do. What would he do if he had really slept with his friend?

 

He ran his hand through his face. He truly needed to stop thinking about it.

 

Alexander closed his eyes, maybe he should call one of the concubines…No, that wouldn’t help. He remembered then a night, years ago, when he was alone and worried for his beloved who was at Darius’ camp as a spy, he had slept with Lysanias because he looked just like Hephaistion when they were boys at Mieza. It had been a mistake, but now…

 

A smiled curved his lips recalling the conversation he had with Hephaistion in the forest, confessing that he had slept with Lysanias…

 

What would you have done if I have slept with Nick?

 

Alex, first of all, Nick would never sleep with you, he loves women too much

 

Nikandros…I should have never asked Nick about the possibility of bedding his own brother –thought the King, staring at the window. It was very late at night—That was a mistake, what was I thinking? Of course he was angry, I have never met a family like Hephaistion’s and I offended his brother with my questions. Definitely I have only made a mistake after another –his eyelids felt heavy, he was falling asleep— But it’s so difficult to accept that I can’t have something…that I want so badly… Maybe tomorrow…I can…think of…something…to…

 

XXX