CHAPTER 104

 

Hephaistion couldn’t see a thing, not only the room was poorly lit by candles, also, his eyes were covered with a cloth. The darkness was terrible, not being able to see what was happening around him and only his powerful imagination as his companion. It was so curious how, when he was lacking one of his senses, the others sharpened making him feel more intensely which didn’t help in this particular case. Those big, strong and calloused hands over his body, that roughness against his creamy skin…that sensation was so strong that would be burned forever in his mind.

 

But, suddenly, everything stopped. The hands left him and the coldness of the night hit his naked body, making him tremble slightly; and, instead of that unpleasant touch, he heard noises and whispered words. The so far silent partner was saying something under his breath, but his voice was so low that Hephaistion couldn’t distinguish it.

 

- We didn’t agree to that –said Philotas angry and, judging by the noises of the mysterious partner, they were arguing.

 

Good, keep fighting –thought the General, pulling the rope with all his forces. His dislocated thumb hurt like hell against his restraints but he had to endure the pain—Just a little more...  

 

Finally, they stopped arguing and he felt Philotas’ smaller hands taking him firmly by the hips. The hipparch licked his lips in anticipation, ready to fulfill his dreams after such a long wait, and, when he was going to thrust inside him, Hephaistion kicked him with force, throwing him over Krateros and sending the 2 of them to the floor. He was no longer 13 years old, and if he wanted, he could have killed both men with his bare hands. He would not let anybody else to humiliate him and treat him like a whore, and only now he understood that.

 

The General stoop up quickly, took the cloth off his eyes and ran to the exit, picking his chiton from the floor on his way out.

 

Hephaistion ran with all his forces, without turning back, but if he had turned, just once, a quick look over his shoulder, he would have seen Krateros recovering before Philotas, his arms on the edge of the bed watching his victim running away…they had been so close. The commander cursed in the most vulgar Macedonian while standing up. It was pointless to go after Hephaistion, to chase him around the camp and rising suspicious looks and questions. He cursed again.

 

While the General ran away, only one thought was clear in his mind: to put as much distance between him and Philotas’ tent as possible. He paid no attention to his surroundings and the curious looks of the few men wandering around the camp at that late hour, he didn’t know if the hipparch and his mysterious partner were following him but he didn’t risk looking back. He didn’t stop until he arrived to the safety of his tent and only then he felt he could rest.

 

Only silence received Hephaistion in the dark interior, everything was so quite that for a moment it appeared as if the savage beating of his heart could be heard, echoing inside.

 

Good, nobody is up –thought the General. He didn’t want to give explanations and, in those moments, he was truly grateful that Alexander had taken Achilles with him.

 

He closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath to still the savage beating of his heart and to catch his breath, and went to his room. He didn’t bother to light a candle and dropped to the floor, his back against his bed hearing nothing besides the insects outside his tent and the very distant voices of the men, so far away that they appeared to be part of another world.

 

That was close –he thought, throwing his head back and closing his eyes—What was I thinking?…I can’t do this…

 

This situation was beyond him and only now he comprehended that, no matter how Philotas threatened him he couldn’t sleep with him and his partner…whoever that was. This was too much for him, and, even if he didn’t like the idea, he had to ask for help. His thumb hurt terrible, throbbing, and his skin showed a deep purple color, but the pain was welcome, the pain helped him to focus and not lose himself in his darker thoughts…

 

- Kyros! –he called his servant, after a while—Kyros!

 

He heard footsteps approaching, but instead of the Theban he found his brother, Lysanias. He had completely forgotten that Lysanias was on page duties that night and couldn’t hide his surprise watching him there.

 

- Kyros is not here, sir –said the page as soon as he arrived with an oil lamp in his hand, the flicker light illuminated the place giving the furniture a sinister appearance with its elongated shadows—Can I do something for you?

 

Hephaistion nodded.

 

- Just for tonight, don’t call me “sir” Lys –he said in a strange voice that caught his brother’s attention. They had a better relationship now, but even if they were brothers they had agreed that, as long as Lysanias were under Hephaistion’s command he would call him “sir”—Do you know where I keep the wine?

 

- Yes si…Phai.

 

- Bring me one amphora –he asked, lowering his eyes to see his thumb under the light of the oil lamp. He would have to go to the doctor next day.  

 

- Right away –Lysanias left him and the General sighed.

 

What am I going to do now? I have to get my hands on Glaukos’ letter before Philotas decides to make it public, but…—it was as if a ray of light had fallen on Hephaistion, and an idea formed in his mind—Lys is Philotas’ eromenos, how could I forget that? 

 

He heard footsteps approaching again.

 

- Here –said the page coming back and he gave his brother the small amphora and a silver cup.

 

- Lys, sit down, please –said the General, opening the amphora with his good hand, and Lysanias sat besides him on the floor, his back against the bed and the oil lamp resting in front of him.

 

- What did I do now? –he asked with apprehension.

 

- You did nothing, I…just want to talk to you –said Hephaistion, the long locks of his hair falling at each side of his face.

 

Lysanias took a moment to look at his brother; even he could sense that something was amiss, even if they didn’t know each other as well as they should.

 

- You look weird, are you fine?

 

- No, I’m not –he said with all honesty and that answer took the page aback.

 

- What happened?

 

- I have a problem with Philotas –the General decided to trust his brother with the truth—You are his eromenos, aren’t you?

 

To his astonishment, the page shook his head slowly.

 

- Not anymore.

 

- Why not? –Hephaistion hadn’t expected this. Lysanias bent his knees to his chest, not knowing how to explain this and for a long moment he just stared at the oil lamp.

 

- You were right about him –said the page slowly, it was always difficult to admit that other person was right but, for Lysanias it was even more because, for him, his brother was perfect, and he felt like an idiot admitting this things in front of him—He is a jerk –simple and direct. 

 

- I can’t say that surprises me –said Hephaistion, pouring the wine in the silver cup, when an idea struck him—Did he do something to you? –he asked concerned. 

 

- Well…it’s hard to explain and a little embarrassing –Lysanias blushed a little—I mean…Mm…

 

- It’s all right –the General took him affectionately by the shoulder—I know that you like to talk to Eni and, well, I use to talk to Nick, but since either are here now…what do you say if we try to, you know, talk?

 

That made the page smiled.

 

- Fine, but…what happened with Philotas has a lot to do with you –that caught Hephaistion’s interest.

 

- Why?

 

- He…er… is obsessed with you –said Lysanias at last, not daring to look at him—More than once he called me Hephaistion, just like... 

 

- Like Alexander did –the page moved his head up and down.

 

- Why does this always happen to me? –Lysanias was angry and humiliated—Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame you. Eni…she told me that Philotas is an asshole and not pay him attention –he sighed—I’ll be 16 years old soon and no longer a page, so I’ll be fine without an erastes. 

 

They fell silent for a moment.

 

16 years old…I still remember when he was 3 and I was getting ready to serve as a page at the royal palace –thought Hephaistion, nostalgically.

 

- I’m sorry –said the General not knowing what else to say.

 

- Don’t be, it’s not you fault, but… —the page looked at his hands—I wish somebody would love me from who I am, not because I look like you.

 

Hephaistion gave him the cup of wine.

 

- You can use a drink too –the page looked at him and took the cup and drank avidly —When was the last time you were with Philotas? –the General wanted to know. 

 

- Mm…like 4 months ago –Lysanias returned the cup, much lighter than before— We were still at Tyre.

 

Then, there is no way he can know something about Philotas’ blackmailing plan –said the General to himself, sighing.

 

- Why do you want to know? –asked the page, not knowing why the sudden interest in his relationship with the hipparch—Did he say something to you?…About me?

 

Hephaistion drank the rest of his wine in one gulp.

 

- Not exactly.

 

- What happened?

 

- Well –Hephaistion poured more wine in his cup—He knows something about me and he is blackmailing me to force me to sleep with him.

 

The page saw him with eyes wide open.

 

- That bastard! –he was so indignant that his brother smiled—You have to tell Alexander.

 

- I can’t run to Alexander’s side every time I have a problem –the General emptied his cup again, closing his eyes for a moment— Besides he is not here, I don’t know when is he coming back and I have to deal with Philotas now.

 

Lysanias thought for a moment.

 

- Why did you want to know if I was still his eromenos?

 

- I need a letter he has in his power –said Hephaistion before pouring more wine—I thought that maybe you could steal it for me, but now…

 

- I can do it! –said the page at once, catching the General’s attention.

 

- What? –for a moment it was as if they didn’t speak the same language.

 

- If you need my help I’ll be happy to do something for you –said Lysanias, too eager to do something for the brother he considered perfect and unreachable.

 

- Lys –Hephaistion put the cup aside and held his gaze— This can be risky.

 

- Don’t worry, I have an idea of what to do –said the page at once—I can say that I miss him, and entered his tent and… —Hephaistion shook his head.

 

- I don’t want to give him any opportunity to hurt you –said the General—I can assure you that, right now, he is furious, and if he sees you again he could try to hurt you. 

 

- He won’t. I can take care of myself, I’m not child –Hephaistion held his gaze and saw the resolution in his eyes. He nodded.

 

- All right, but don’t go alone, take your friend Iolaos with you, he looks capable enough of breaking Philotas’ face if he tries something funny –said the General making him smile.

 

Lysanias nodded eagerly.

 

- What do I have to look for? 

 

XXX

 

Alexander “proceeded round lake Mareotis and finally came ashore at the spot where Alexandria, the city which bears his name, now stands”(1) It was a trip that took him several days, longer than he had planned but each place where he arrived he was received with great joy, the Egyptians ran in great numbers to see him, and, for the first time in his life, he was welcome not as a victorious General, not as a conquering King but as a savior. This new experience also served him to know more about Egypt and to being captivated by it’s mysticism, after the months he would spend here, during the winter, he would never be the same and he knew it deep inside his heart.  

 

- What are we doing here, dad? –asked Achilles, following the King around the site where the engineers were waiting for his instructions. The day before he had expressed his wish to sign the general layout of his new city “indicating the position of the market square, the number of temples to be built, and what Gods should serve, the Gods of Greece and the Egyptian Isis, and the precise limits of its outer defenses” (2)

 

Alexander had barely sleep the night before, too excited, dreaming about how this city would be, how it should be, seeing it clearly inside his mind, and thanks to that he had woke up very early for the discomfort of Eumenes. Once the King was up, he should be up too and ready at his side. All the appropriate sacrifices had been made that morning, and, according to the always handy Aristander, the omens were favorable.

 

- We came to found a city, son –said the King, examining the place with enthusiasm. 

 

- And how are you going to call it? –asked Achilles, kicking a rock and following with his eyes its trajectory until it fell into a hole.

 

Alexander turned to see him and smiled.

 

- Alexandria –the boy laughed.

 

- That’s a funny name.

 

The King explained to his workmen and engineers the plan for the city’s outer defenses, but soon they faced one little problem, they had nothing to mark the ground as Alexander started to pace around without stop talking, what to do? The workmen exchanged anxious glances, to tell the King: “excuse us sire, but could you please stop talking while we look for something to mark the ground” was out of question.

 

Then, one of the men saw the sacks with meal near a wagon that was being loaded. Alexander had seen that during his trip along the Nile, grain were sent back to the camp, he needed enough supplies to endure the winter and also, start storing for the time when the army moved again in Spring. The man saw 2 strong men carrying one sack with a small hole, and how the meal was slipping away and he had an idea. He urged his companions to take the sacks and used them to mark behind the King as he led the way.

 

- What’s wrong with you, kid? –asked Kleitos, watching Achilles with a finger inside his mouth while watching Alexander explain with the men behind him, carrying a sack. 

 

- I have a loose tooth –answered the boy.

 

- This is why you are like an infant sucking his thumb? –by now, Achilles knew the hipparch enough to distinguish when he made a rhetorical question that looked for no answer—Let me see the tooth.

 

With all innocence, the boy opened his mouth and Kleitos bent in front of him to have a better look.

 

Not far from them, Alexander was pointing to the front while the chief engineer of this project took notes, when they heard the high-pitched scream of a child. The King turned immediately and saw Achilles with blood in his mouth, a hand on his lips, trying his best to not cry with 2 fat and thick tears trapped in the corner of his eyes.

 

- It’s just a bloody tooth, for Ares’ balls! –Kleitos scolded him, loud enough for everyone to hear—And don’t you dare to cry on me.

 

Achilles sobbed and tried to take deep breaths not to cry, he didn’t want to cry in front of the hipparch.

 

- What happen there? –asked the King when Kleitos walked near him.

 

As an answer, his hipparch gave him the Prince’s tooth.

 

- Too many days whining for that damn tooth –grumbled Kleitos before leaving.

 

Alexander saw the tooth in his hand and then turned to look at Achilles, for a moment their eyes met; the boy was still making an effort to calm down and the King said nothing. He couldn’t run at his side, carry him and pat his back assuring him that everything was fine just because of a tooth, first because he was the King and no Macedonian soldier would look with good eyes having such a sentimental ruler, and second, because as much as it pained him, Achilles had to learn to be strong.

 

Alexander kept the tooth inside his cloths and continued with his explanation.

 

XXX

 

It was near afternoon when Aristander found the King, still working, he hadn’t eat since that morning and, even if his pages were running behind him with a jug of water and a tray with food, Alexander had made a great job ignoring them, too concentrated in what he was doing.  

 

- Sire –exclaimed Aristander, running to where the King was standing. The seer watched fascinated the lines that the workmen had marked on the ground with the meal—Oh sire! This is a wonderful omen –Achilles, who stood next to the King, and feeling much better after Kleitos had pulled off his tooth, thought the seer looked like a mad man, walking along the marks, smiling and lifting his head to the sky—This city would have the most abundant and helpful resources and would nurse men of every nation. 

 

Alexander smiled pleased, he considered Aristander a true seer after what had happened at Gaza, and he believed in every word that left his mouth.

 

One day, I’ll come back to see this great city by myself –he thought, his uneven eyes fix at the distance where the island of Pharos lay.

 

XXX

 

- Are you sure there was nothing in his tent? –asked Hephaistion days later, pacing around his tent nervously.

 

- Yes, Phai, I looked everywhere, but I noticed something strange –said Lysanias, dropping his voice.

 

- What? –the General stopped pacing and turned to look at him.

 

- I think Philotas lost the letter –said the page.

 

- Why do you think so? –Hephaistion sat down at his side.

 

- Because, when I arrived, he had all his servants and slaves looking for a letter –said the page—He didn’t pay me much attention, he is nervous and in a terrible mood.

 

Could it? But, if he lost the letter, what happened? Maybe he argued with his partner but, why would the partner steal the letter? –thought the General.

 

Officially he was lost. If Philotas had a disagreement with his partner it wouldn’t have sense to steal the letter. Unless, the partner was planning to use it against the hipparch.

 

No, too risky –said Hephaistion to himself—To use that letter against Philotas would be the same as incriminating himself, besides, the partner made everything to avoid being seeing, if he uses the letter then he would come out into the light and I have the feeling that this is the last thing he wants. 

 

The General shook his head. This could only mean one thing, another person knew about this whole thing, about the letter and the blackmailing plan. He sighed tired. He didn’t even know who was the mysterious partner and now this, another piece missing in this puzzle.

 

Philotas is going to drive me crazy –he thought.

 

XXX

 

Again…a sleepless night –Hephaistion stared at his tent’s ceiling. He was tired and shadows could be seen under his eyes. Nightmares, concerns, bad memories…it was all in his head, turning into a whirlwind that destroyed his peace of mind.

 

It had been years since the last time he had a nightmare about those terrible nights in King Philip’s bed, years since he didn’t think about that humiliation…he closed his eyes and for a moment he could hear again Philotas’ moans against his skin, but a moment later, it wasn’t just his moans but also King Philip’s…he opened his eyes and took a deep breath. 

 

Strange –he said to himself. He didn’t thought much in what the hipparch and his partner had done to him, but this terrible experience made him remember…and those memories were the ones that disgusted him. Philotas and his partner weren’t important enough to spare them a thought…no…they were just a tool design to bring back his terrible past…

 

He would deal with Parmelio’s son and his accomplice, and he swore to himself that when the time came he would make them both pay. The General sat down at the edge of his bed, his face buried in his hands and the silky locks of his hair sliding through his fingers like water.

 

Every time they were apart Hephaistion missed Alexander in a painful way, but never before he had longed for the King in this way. His chest felt oppressed and, inside him, he felt hollow, as if something were missing…

 

I’m missing my other half, that’s the problem –he thought, standing up, ready to start a new day.

 

As always, when he didn’t want to think, he worked twice as hard, up until late filling reports and hearing to his men’s complains, he didn’t pay attention to Xsayarsa’s endlessly morning conversations and barely ate. But that day, while he was heading back to the camp after a long morning in the city…

 

- Hephaistion, I need to talk to you –the urgency in Hektor’s voice didn’t pass unnoticed for the General. It had been a week now since that incident with Philotas and, so far, the hipparch of the hetairoi cavalry hadn’t made public Glaukos’ letter. 

 

Each day Hephaistion was more convinced that Lysanias was right and someone had stolen that letter, but so far, even if he had asked Kyros to follow Philotas and to Xsayarsa to pay special attention to any rumor regarding the hipparch, he hadn’t obtained anything useful.

 

But now, not other than Philotas’ brother was here, desperately needing to talk to him.

 

Just like last time when Krateros came looking for him –thought Hephaistion.

 

- Of course –the General followed Hektor through the crowded streets of the city, all his senses on alert, until they reached a lonely and hidden alley where the noises of the street could barely been heard. 

 

Parmelio’s younger son was very nervous and he kept looking over his shoulder to make sure that nobody had followed them, a strange behavior since Hektor was a very calm person with no serious problems with others. Hephaistion watched him with attention and waited for the other to talk first, ready in case he tried to so something.

 

- I know that my brother is trying to blackmail you –said Hektor suddenly, but the General’s expression didn’t change—And…and I want to help you.

 

How convenient –thought Hephaistion—Just when the famous letter disappear Hektor comes wanting to help.

 

- Why? –asked the General taking the other aback, this wasn’t the answer Hektor had expected—You and I have barely talked and I know you like Alexander –that last remark made Philotas’ brother blush—If your brother is trying to blackmail me, why would you want to help me? It wouldn’t be better for you to take me out of the way?

 

- You are insulting me –said Hektor, but he was not offended just very surprised by his words—It’s true, I like Alexander but I would never use such coward means to gain his affection –he held Hephaistion’s gaze—I have nothing against you, and even if I had, I would never blackmail you.

 

The General closed the distance between then and suddenly took one of Hektor’s hands. Hektor resisted at first, not knowing what he pretended, but then, he noticed that Hephaistion was just looking at his hand with attention, examining it.

 

- Give you hand –he asked.

 

- Why…?

 

- Just do it! –Hektor obeyed and opened it.

 

The General slid his fingers through his palm watching it while looking inside his memory, recalling those big, strong and calloused hands that had explored his body so shamelessly and rudely.

 

It’s not him –he thought, releasing him.

 

- I know Philotas wants to blackmail me, but I don’t know how you can help me –this time his voice was friendlier and Hektor nodded.

 

- I don’t want to disgrace my brother, but I can’t let him do this –he looked among his clothes and gave the General a letter. It was Glaukos’ letter—I didn’t read it –he reassured Hephaistion—But, for what I heard, it’s very important –the General looked at him in a mixture of surprise and gratitude—I can’t help you more, I have done my part here, and whatever you are planning to do, it’s up to you. 

 

Hektor left him and Hephaistion watched the letter without believing his good fortune.

 

XXX

 

(1) and (2) Arrian. The Campaigns of Alexander, p 149