CHAPTER 7

 

If I could tear you from the ceiling

I’d freeze us both in time

And find a brand new way of seeing

Your eyes forever glue to mine

(Placebo. Blind)

 

 

— Tomorrow is my birthday –Alexander announced, sitting at the edge of Hephaistion’s bed.

 

His best friend put down his book, about the structure of the Persian Empire with the Great King at its head, the nobles and the Magi priests below him, and the stories about the sacred city of Persepolis.

 

— And? –the Prince smiled as someone ready to do a prank.

 

— I told you I would think of something for you to give me as a present, remember? –said Alexander.

 

— Oh! –Hephaistion sat at his side—And what do you want, almighty-future-great-awesome-warrior-king?

 

Alexander took his thigh, and ran his hand through his creamy skin. Contrary to what his friends thought he had never had sex with Hephaistion; they just had a lot, truly a lot, of foreplay; if there were a medal in the Olympic games for snuggling, they would have won with applauses and the thanks of the jury. Every night they talked among kisses and caresses but only that, and clearly that wasn’t enough for the Prince.   

 

Hephaistion smiled and stopped the hand that was going all the way up under his clothes.

 

— Are you trying to say that you want ME as your birthday present? –there was something in his voice that was undeniable hot. He leaned back, resting his weight on his hands, and watched Alexander between the locks of his hair, his beautiful eyes narrowed.

 

If the Prince was aroused before, now he was just about to have smoke coming out of his ears. He kissed him with hunger and desperation, throwing him on the bed, feeling the other surrounding his neck. Alexander felt dizzy, overwhelmed. He took Hephaistion by the thighs, pushing them gently apart, to rest his weight on him, moaning softly, feeling that slender and warm body under him. The Prince stretched languidly over him and caressed his milky skin.        

 

Hephaistion’s muscles contracted under his touch, and he felt a delicious tickling through his body. He bent his knees up and his chiton lifted, swirling on his lap.

 

Oh, Gods! He is beautiful beyond everything –thought Alexander, lust had taken control over his body, while running his hands over those legs that climbed all the way up to heaven.

 

— Alex?

 

— Mm? –the Prince was too busy kissing his neck.

 

— This is cheating, your birthday is tomorrow and you are claiming your gift tonight –said Hephaistion in a breathless, husky whispered. Alexander lifted his head.

 

— What difference make a few hours? –he kissed him again, feeling his smile against his lips.

 

Hephaistion buried his fingers in his hair and the Prince rubbed his body slowly over him and then…then Hephaistion panic. He started to remember the hard body of the King over him, his hideous smell, his rough caresses and…  

 

Why do I have to remember that now? –he tried his best to relax, but when Alexander reached his hips, his hands on Hephaistion’s sides, he pushed the Prince off, fists against his shoulders.

 

Everything was so fast, that Alexander needed a moment to understand what have just happened, one moment he was in the Elysian Fields, tasting that wonderful thing that was his beloved’s skin, drinking in the chamomile smell of his hair and the next he was forced to return to the coldness of their room. Hephaistion didn’t look at him, he was breathing heavily, his cheeks burning…

 

— What…?

 

— Please, don’t ask me –Hephaistion interrupted him. He sat and moved away from him—I can’t, not now, please…

 

Alexander sat in front of him and took a deep breath trying to dissipate the heat on his head that didn’t let him think correctly.

 

— What’s wrong? –he wanted to know.

 

— I don’t know –lied Hephaistion, brushing his hair behind his ear.

 

— You don’t know? What kind of answer is that?

 

— Alex don’t ask me…

 

— Then what? What do you want me to do then? If you pretend that we should do as if nothing had happened, turn and sleep, you are out of your mind –Alexander was angry and Hephaistion couldn’t blame him.

 

I shouldn’t do this, but I didn’t know this was going to happen –thought Hephaistion.

 

— PHAI!

 

— I should go –Hephaistion tried to stand up, but before he could do that, the Prince caught his arm and pulled him back to bed. 

 

In an anger and frustration attack, Alexander kissed him and forced him to laid down. Hephaistion tried to punch him, but the Prince took both his wrists and immobilized his legs and that triggered his worst memory, leaving him frozen for a moment. Alexander took advantage of that pause and kissed his neck, caressing it with his nose and lips, enjoying his smell and sucking the tender skin. He left a trail of kisses to his cheek but when he looked for his lips, Hephaistion moved away his face. 

 

— What’s wrong? –the Prince was utterly confused and, as an answer, he obtained a sardonic laugh.

 

— Aren’t you going to finish? –Hephaistion faced him, his eyes burning with rage—What are you waiting for? Do the same thing your father did! DO IT! Just remember one thing, when you have finish with me we will NEVER be friends again, do you understand me? 

 

That worked better than a punch. Alexander released him and Hephaistion moved away from him, his knees against his chest. The Prince sat at the edge of the bed with the elbows on his thighs and they both fell silent. Alexander was a fool, he hadn’t thought that his friend still bore the scars of what his father had done to him, reason why he had freak out when he tried to take things to the next level.

 

But that was 3 years ago –thought Alexander. He knew his father had done something terrible to his friend but he didn’t understand all the implication of the word “rape” until now. In Pella was common to forced the slaves or the servants to have sex with their masters, it happened in the orgies or the banquets; but this time it had happened to Hephaistion, to his other half, and was in that moment that he started to hate his father.

 

Neither of them spoke for a long time, it was as if they were trap in a moment extending to eternity. That was until Alexander felt Hephaistion resting his weight against his back. Hephaistion had too much to say to him, he wanted to explain himself, to say he loved him and he wanted to be with him, but he couldn’t do it, not in his actual state. He knew it was his fault that Alexander was angry and he didn’t blame him; the real culprit was in Pella, sitting comfortable on his throne.

 

Not a word left his lips but Alexander understood his message better than he had imagined… 

 

In the year 340 BC in Macedonia, there weren’t support groups for rape victims or psychiatrists, psychotherapies or bulletins or police officers like the ones you see in Law and Order S.V.U., let alone laws that forbid it. In my time it was common to rape a woman or a boy, it happened in the royal palace or in the war.

 

At first I was angry with Alexander for being unable to understand me, later I knew if things had been different, and my father had been the one who rape Alexander, I wouldn’t understand him, either. We weren’t told how to empathize with other people’s feelings, those are modern ideas; we were educated to bring the glory that can only be obtained in the battlefield, we were told that there were peoples superior to others, and for that we have all the right to subjugate them. We didn’t need excuses to declared a war; the Persians were barbarians and we as civilized men were better to govern them. The end.     

 

Next day, there wasn’t one soul who didn’t notice the tension between Alexander and Hephaistion. They talked to each other but something wasn’t quite well. The news of the day was the designation of Alexandros of Epirus, queen Olympias’ brother, as the new King of that region; with the support of King Philip Alexandros succeeded King Arymbas, and seized the power at his 18 years old.  

 

During the night of that July 26 of 340 BC, took place a great banquet; King Philip and Queen Olympias sent his son magnificent gifts, it was a perfect day for everyone, even Peritas was happy, Alexander had given him a generous piece of chicken that he devour immediately. Near midnight, Hephaistion left the dining room where his friends were happily drinking; Philotas checked that Alexander continued talking with Perdikkas and followed him.

 

— Hephaistion! –Hephaistion couldn’t conceal his astonishment when he saw who was calling him. What did Philotas want with him?

 

— Did something happen? –the older boy shook his head.

 

— I just want to talk to you… in private –asked Philotas.

 

Hephaistion couldn’t find a reason to refuse, so he followed him to the stairs. He sat down on a step while Philotas remain standing, leaning against the wall. He had never share more than 3 words with Parmelio’s son… No, wait, there was this day when they talked about the weather, yep, only one vain conversation and that was all. Philotas was now 20 years old, and his star was ascending so fast that rumor was he would became a great cavalry commander; he had distinguish himself with honors in the battlefield, and like his father, the King had him in great esteem.  

 

Hephaistion had never liked Philotas, but he did his best effort to be polite with him, he wasn’t a fool and knew that making an enemy of Parmelio’s older son was a big mistake. 

 

— What do you want to talk about? –he asked when he saw Philotas hesitating to speak first.

 

— The King is preparing a military campaign against the Athenian General Diopeithes –said the older boy—I heard the Great King Artaxerxes Ochus is supporting the Athenians with gold in order to fight against Macedonia.

 

— By Ares’ sword! That’s terrible –exclaimed Hephaistion utterly surprised. An alliance between the Greeks and the Persians would be disastrous to Macedonia.

 

— Yes it is, my father said the King is commanding in person the campaign against Diopeithes –Philotas continued—I’m going to accompany the King, he is very pleased with my performance in the last Thracian campaign, did I tell you that I had the command of an entire squadron of hetairoi?  

 

— I heard you when you told Koinos –said Hephaistion, fighting to maintain his polite face, even if he was thinking: “no please”.

 

During those 3 years in Mieza Philotas had been absent several times, in order to fought along with his father under the King’s command in the northern border of the kingdom, and every time he came back he spend hours talking about this achievements, great talent and command capacity. Was this why he wanted to talk to him? To tell him about his next special mission? He was more and more confused. 

 

— The final battle against the Thracians was won because I broke their lines and opened a gap with my cavalry squadron, even the King recognized my deed and reward me after the battle.

 

— Right –muttered Hephaistion.

 

— What I’m trying to say is that someday, not too far in the future, I’m going to command the entire hetairoi cavalry –Philotas continued—My father is the King’s second in command and I’m going to occupied my fathers position, do you understand?

 

Hephaistion shook his head.

 

— Philotas, I don’t know why are you telling me all of this –Hephaistion admitted—I know your father is the King’s second in command, and I don’t doubt that you have an…er- brilliant future –he made an effort for not sounding sarcastic—But, what has any of these to do with me?

 

Parmelio’s son sat at his side and held his gaze, in that light Hephaistion’s eyes looked like silver.

 

— I want you to be my eromenos –said Philotas slowly and firmly.

 

Hephaistion thought he had misunderstood, but one look at the other’s blue eyes told him everything. He was serious, very serious.

 

— Philotas I…

 

— Don’t answer me now –the older boy interrupted him—I know you are with Alexander…

 

— I’m not WITH Alexander –Hephaistion clarify, he hated when people talked about them like that, he wasn’t a thing—He is my best friend.

 

A triumphal smiled curved Philotas lips.

 

— There! Hephaistion you have to understand that you can’t find a better erastes than me.

 

— Excuse me?

 

— Alexander is the Crown Prince, someday he will be King, but Macedonian Kings are prone to die violently and fast, but great generals prevail –explained Philotas with cold logic.

 

— Great generals? Like you? –Philotas took his arm.

 

— Your father is a good hetairoi but if he had the support of my family he could do better, so do you –the older boy insisted, sitting at his side.

 

Hephaistion sighed. What a problem! Philotas was right, his family was powerful, and being his eromenos would be an honor… not greater than being the King’s or the Prince’s, and he had already dumped the first, why not dump Parmelio’s son?

 

At this rate I will become the public enemy of the entire Macedonian nobility –thought Hephaistion, not knowing what to do. 

 

— Philotas, you and I barely know each other –he said with caution—Until tonight we have never speak, is too suddenly.

 

— We never speak because you are Alexander’s shadow, and if you accept to be my eromenos we’ll have all the time in the world to know each other –Philotas insisted. 

 

— Why me? You already said you have a brilliant future and your family is powerful and important, you can find someone more… suitable. Why not Leon? His family is related with the King’s mother –Hephaistion tried to convince him, maybe if Philotas bought his arguments he wouldn’t have to reject him.   

 

Philotas brought him closer, so close Hephaistion thought he could feel the other’s heart beat against his lips.

 

— Don’t you get it? –the older boy whispered—It has to be you.

 

— Why? –Hephaistion tried to release himself, but failed.

 

— Because you are painfully beautiful –that was the last thing Hephaistion heard, before…

 

— PHILOTAS! –when they turned, they found a very angry Alexander.

 

Oh, no! He had his lips pressed and his eyes shine, he is furious –thought Hephaistion—His forehead vein just pop out…  

 

— Is something wrong, Alexander? –Philotas faced him, standing up on his full height.

 

— What are you doing here? –the Prince went directly to the point.

 

— Well, I don’t think this concerns you, but since you ask I’ll take this opportunity to inform you that Hephaistion is my eromenos, so I have all the right to talk to him wherever I want –Philotas spoke with bravado, with all the intention of bothering Alexander.

 

And it worked. The Prince passed from furious to beyond fury, took out his dagger, and thank the gods Parmelio’s son had good reflexes and could stop the attack in time. Hephaistion kicked Philotas between the legs and left him seeing stars, curled on the floor, moaning in pain.

 

— I never accept to be your eromenos –Alexander took Hephaistion’s arm, and technically dragged him to their bedroom, but when they were away from Philotas, his friend released himself in the middle of the corridor.

 

— Enough! What’s your problem? –said Hephaistion angry.

 

— My problem? What’s YOUR problem? Since when do you kiss Philotas? –Alexander exploded, his forehead vein popping dangerously out again. 

 

— Are you drunk? I’ve NEVER kissed him.

 

— No? Do you think I’m stupid? I saw you on the stairs –insisted the Prince.

 

— Clearly you are stupid because I wasn’t kissing him –said Hephaistion even more angry—It may have seem like that from where you were standing.

 

— Are you his eromenos?

 

— No! –answered Hephaistion, speaking louder than he had intended.

 

— But you want to be?

 

 — If I wanted to be with Philotas, I wouldn’t be here talking to you, don’t you think? –they both fell silent.

 

— What did Philotas said to you?

 

— Does that matter? –Hephaistion took his hand to his head, and started walking like a caged lion. He stopped abruptly and put down his hands—I want to choose my erastes –he was feeling a little better—You… the King also asked me to be his eromenos –that was news to the Prince. One thing was that Philip raped him, but other completely different that he wanted him as his eromenos, that meant the King had a special interest in him. Alexander wasn’t happy—And I refused.

 

— Why didn’t you tell me before?

 

— What for? It’s like you said once, it’s not something I want to remember –Alexander cocked his head to one side and crossed his arms.

 

— Well, there’s only one way to settle this –said the Prince.

 

— How? –Hephaistion was intrigued.

 

— Accept me as your erastes –Hephaistion smiled.

 

— How do you know that I’m going to accept this time? –Hephaistion teased him.

 

— Simple, because this time it’s I who’s asking –said Alexander with overwhelming confidence.

 

— Just for that, I’m tempted to refuse.

 

— But you are not going to refuse.

 

— No, you are right –Hephaistion smiled.

 

— Do you want to go back to the party?

 

— No, I already had too many emotions for one day, I want to sleep –Hephaistion crossed his arms behind his head.

 

— Then I’m going with you, at this point the boys aren’t going to notice my absence, not after all the wine they had drunk.

 

They walked to they room, but when they arrived Hephaistion leaned his back against the door, blocking the entrance. Alexander blinked in confusion.  

 

— I want to talk to you about your birthday present –said Hephaistion.

 

— I’m listening –the Prince rested his weight in one foot.

 

— I’m very sorry about what happened yesterday…

 

— Please don’t, that was my fault.

 

— Our fault –Hephaistion corrected him—But that’s not what I wanted to say. I want to give you what you asked me for, but not now, I can’t, so I propose you a deal.

 

Alexander lifted an eyebrow.

 

— What kind of deal?

 

— Take this as your birthday present –Hephaistion searched his clothes and took the Prince’s hand to gave him a small locket—It has a lock of my hair inside –he explained—I know it’s not a warhorse but…

 

— It’s perfect, thank you –the Prince kissed him and it was as if nothing had happened the night before, just a bad dream—I accept your deal.

 

— I’m not finish –said Hephaistion, catching his attention—I want you to accept this as your birthday present and about the other thing…I’m going to share your bed when you obtain your first victory in the battlefield, what do you say?

 

Alexander watched him in silence for so long, that Hephaistion started to think he had made a mistake and that his master plan was an utterly stupidity. 

 

Me and my great ideas –he reproached himself. He opened his mouth to tell him to forget everything, but before he could make a sound, Alexander smiled, like he used to do every time someone asked him to do something “impossible”.

 

— I accept your deal –he said with all seriousness. Hephaistion blinked twice, then he smiled.

 

— And I give you my word that I will fulfill my promise when the time comes.

 

— Done… but that doesn’t mean that I can’t kiss you, right? –Hephaistion laughed.

 

— Of course not.

 

Alexander put his hand on the door, palm flat against the wood and he leaned his weight to the front, caressing Hephaistion’s nose with his own. His beloved cocked his head, smiling, and closed his eyes, enjoying the warm sensation of the Prince’s lips over his face, scattering sweet kisses across his jaw, his cheek and his eyelids. And, when his lips were insufficient, he used his fingers to trace his features, with the same care he would use with silk.

 

— I love how you smell –Hephaistion whispered, sliding his lips over the Prince’s cheek.

 

— And I love your skin –Alexander took his fingers to his neck, and his beloved lifted his head, searching for his lips. The Prince round his waist with one arm, his other hand still on the door.

 

— Now I understand why you didn’t come back –Ptolemy’s voice resounded in the corridor, followed by his friends’ giggles.

 

If the decision were Hephaistion’s, then he would have jumped away from the Prince, he didn’t like public demonstrations of affection, but Alexander couldn’t care less for what people thought; besides, this gorgeous young man was HIS, it wouldn’t be bad for them to start knowing it. Alexander’s lips curved in an arrogant half-smile, without letting Hephaistion go.

 

— Well, now that you know, could you please leave us alone? –Hephaistion blushed savagely and his friends laughed.

 

— As you wish, Alexander –said Koinos with difficulty, he couldn’t stop laughing.  

 

— See you tomorrow –said Nearchos.

 

— Good luck, Phai –Perikkas wished him.

 

Cassander appeared them, saw the couple and went to his room shaking his red head. When the audience was gone, Alexander kissed him again, as if nothing had happened.

 

— Are you out of your mind?

 

— You ask me that a lot, have you noticed? –said the Prince—Why are you angry? Does it bother you people see us together?

 

— It’s not that… can we go to our bedroom? –Alexander smiled evilly.

 

— You are the one who is blocking the door –Hephaistion gathered the rest of his dignity and entered the room.

 

— You know Phai, you are acting like a virgin on his weeding night –SNAP! Hephaistion closed the door on his face. The Prince took his hand to his nose.

 

— I deserve that.

_____________

 

A/N: Luckily I had the opportunity to write one more chapter (my boss didn’t come today to work, hehehehehe) I hope you have enjoyed it. In the next chapter the boys will return to the royal palace, so I hope you are not tired of me, and read the rest. Thanks again, and pretty purr—lease, leave a review.