CHAPTER 66

 

They rode back to the Macedonian camp without rest. They didn’t have time to waste, and had to be as far as possible from the Persian camp before someone discovered what had happened. By nightfall they were exhausted, they camped out in the open, luckily that night wasn’t raining like the last ones. They took turns to do sentry duties and Alexander asked for the first turn and for Hephaistion to have the second. The rest fell asleep immediately, and the King waited until everybody had surrendered himself into Morpheus hands and then, he went to his beloved side and shook Hephaistion to wake him up. 

 

- Mm? It’s not my turn yet –mumbled a half sleep General.

 

- Phai, wake up –whispered the King near his ear.

 

- Why?

 

- What do you mean “why”? I need to talk to you –Alexander shook him again, being so close to him made him enjoyed the sweet smell of honey and chamomile in Hephaistion’s hair and skin. Almost a day latter and his beloved still smell so nice—Phai…

 

- Can’t it wait until tomorrow? –the General was very tired. First he spent a day checking the Great King’s troops, then Xsayarsa had him at the Concubines’ tent preparing him, after that the dinner with Darius, latter his escape from the camp…and just when he thought he would be able to rest a little, Alexander came wanting to talk. What was so urgent? 

 

- No –the strong voice of the King made him open one eye. He moved lazily and turned to see Alexander, gently pulling away Achilles, who was embracing him. Hephaistion hated to sleep with someone embracing him, reason why he always kicked Alexander out of the bed when they sleep together, but he had no heart to tell his son he had to sleep alone...now that he thought about it, maybe Kleitos was right and he spoiled Achilles too much.  

 

The General rubbed his eyes and turned to see the King.

 

- What is so urgent?

 

- Not here, come –Alexander pulled him by his arm.

 

Hephaistion was like a rag doll, he had no energy and the King had to drag him, far from there, near the trees that surrounded the makeshift camp.

 

Hephaistion yawned and sat down on a gigantic root protruding from the earth, he was so tired that this must better be good. He leaned his head against the trunk of the tree.

 

- We shouldn’t be here, you are the one who supposedly has to watch over the camp –said his beloved, brushing his hair back. It was so weird not to feel his extremely long hair—Why the mystery? What’s wrong? 

 

The King took a seat at his side, and thought for a moment how to say what he wanted to say. His beloved thought that if the King didn’t hurry, he would fall asleep again.

 

- The other day your brother came to talk to me –said Alexander after a long moment in silence—And he said that he loves me.

 

- NICK?! –exclaimed Hephaistion in shock, now fully awake.

 

- NO! –said the King, he would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so serious—Your brother Lysanias.

 

- Oh…—the General kept silent, he knew so little his younger brother that the first person that jumped into his mind when he heard “your brother” was Nikandros. Then, he slowly started to remember the strange behavior of the page, and what Lysanias had told him when the King got sick…

 

- This is your fault! You don't care about the King. Who do you think you are to make him begged for you to stay at his side? You are not worthy of him …

 

- I’m a moron –said Hephaistion, resting his elbows on his thighs—I should have seen this before…it was so obvious.

 

- I agree, it didn’t occur to me either –said Alexander feeling terrible guilty—He was always there, ready to please me in everything, taking double shifts and always eager to do something for me.

 

- Wow!… what did you answer him? After he told you he loves you –his beloved wanted to know.

 

The King sighed.

 

- He wanted to be my eromenos.

 

- I can imagine –said Hephaistion with all calm.

 

- And I said no –his General nodded.

 

- How did he take it?

 

- He was…disappointed but didn’t say anything…

 

The General sensed there was something wrong, Alexander wouldn’t be acting like this just because his younger brother had confessed his feeling towards him; there was more. Hephaistion caressed his cheek tenderly with his thumb.

 

- Why don’t you tell me what is really bothering you? –the King was feeling so bad that , for a moment, his beloved thought he could actually feel his pain.

 

- I slept with Lysanias –said Alexander without preambles; it was pointless to disguise the truth and he wasn’t the kind of man that hides himself behind pretexts. 

 

- Mm…why? –the King was taken by surprise. Hephaistion wasn’t angry, not even hurt he was…curious and very calm?

 

- Why? –Alexander repeated, organizing his thoughts quickly before speaking again—Because I missed you and, as I said to you once, he reminds me a lot when you were that age. You both are very much alike but at the same time so different…I kept thinking of you while I was with him…it was like a dream, like a fantasy, to make love to a younger version of you.  

 

- What did he do?

 

Again that tone of voice –thought the King confused by his beloved’s calm.

 

- He was…extremely happy, he couldn’t believe that was actually happening to him –explained Alexander—Phai…I shouldn’t do that…I played with his feelings and bedded him just like my father did with you…

 

That reminded Hephaistion about his recent discovery about his own father as the murderer of King Philip, but he decided to leave that for latter. They had enough problems at the moment.

 

- And I did this, after I told you I wanted to do things right for you, by treating your brother with respect…

 

- Alex, first of all this is not the same thing –said Hephaistion deeply moved by the remorse of the King—Lys said he loves you, and as you said and as I noted, he was eager to please you; even if you haven’t bedded him, I’m sure he would have found a way to get into your bed –Alexander had also thought that, but it was a relief to hear that Hephaistion thought the same—Now, it was wrong for you to have sex with him only because you missed me, but…

 

- But what? –Alexander wanted to know, but his best friend kept silent for very long time.

 

That was one of the hardest things to explain. I have been with Alexander since I was 13 years old, and until now, 10 years later, I fully understood myself. I have always thought that oneself is the most difficult person to get to know and understand. Many of us just lied to ourselves when there is something we don’t like, and what I was thinking in that moment, made me feel as the most perverted person on the planet.

 

- I found this kind of…flattering –said Hephaistion blushing savagely and, thanking that it was dark, so the King wouldn’t see his face.

 

That was definitely the last thing Alexander would have expected to hear.

 

- Flattering? –now it was official, King Alexander was confused.   

 

- Yes…I mean, you slept with Lys because he reminds you of me –the General felt his face burning.

 

- So…you aren’t jealous or angry? –Alexander asked with caution.  

 

- Why should I? Technically it is as if I would be jealous because you slept with me –said Hephaistion with all sincerity—Besides, you feel pretty bad, and that’s enough for me, to know you regret your actions.

 

- Interesting –said Alexander, truly intrigued by the twist of the conversation—Tell me something, why then were you so jealous when I slept with Barsine? Because I wasn’t thinking of you while I had sex with her?

 

- Mm…not exactly –said Hephaistion feeling a little embarrassing for being explaining all this—Remember when I said that the only thing I would never forgive you is if you stop loving me?

 

- Yes.

 

- Well, when I found you with Barsine in your bed, and after all that had happened between us, with Memnon and all of that, I truly thought you have stopped loving me, that you were tired of me –said Hephaistion.

 

- But that’s nonsense! –exclaimed the King—I love you, and I will always do.

 

The General smiled.

 

- I know –he said—You came for me to the Persian camp risking your own life, why should I be jealous of Lys? I feel bad for him, but to feel jealous of my brother I should first consider him my rival, and for that he had to be my equal –he made a pause—Lys is not my equal.  

 

Finally Hephaistion was starting to comprehend many things there; why Alexander had been so jealous of Memnon and why he didn’t needed to be jealous of his brother.

 

Memnon was Alexander’s equal. It would have been a completely different thing if, for example, the King had slept with Krateros…all right that was gross, but the point was that Krateros was Hephaistion’s equal. Besides, Alexander was the most fussy person he had known, because he considered himself a great man descendant of great heroes like Achilles and Herakles, with an ego so big that sometimes his men were surprise that his horse could actually carried him; and Alexander would never loved or consider his equal anyone who he didn’t consider worthy enough. And that told Hephaistion he didn’t need to worry, because he was the only one in his heart. After all, the King himself said that Hephaistion was his other half.

 

Alexander laughed softly.

 

- That is why I love you so much –he said much more relax now—You never ceased to amaze me, and as I said the day I met you, you are unpredictable and impossible to read –Hephaistion felt his face burning—So, you are fine with me sleeping with other people as long as I love you?

 

- No –said his best friend extremely serious making him laugh again.

 

- Don’t get mad, I’m just teasing you –the King kissed his cheek—Gods! You have no idea of how bad I was feeling after this; I wanted to see you again, to talk to you about this –he whispered against his skin. There was something strange; Hephaistion’s cheeks weren’t this soft before, and the King found himself enjoying enormously the sensation against his lips and his delicious smell.

 

Hephaistion closed his eyes and concentrated on feeling, on enjoying, on opening his heart and soul. He tilted his head to one side to allow Alexander to kiss his shoulder, feeling the King’s fingers on the fabric of his clothing, ready to unleash the chiton from the shoulder. The General felt Alexander’s warm breath against his neck, his kisses covering his throat, his lips brushing his skin to leave a kiss behind his ear.

 

He left a trail of kisses until he found his lips, and finally, after weeks longing for him, to feel him again, he could enjoy those lips that could steal his reason.

 

His beloved put his arms behind Alexander’s neck, returning his kisses, slowly and tenderly. He too had missed him terribly, and this was the best reward he could get after 2 weeks at the Persian camp. The King caressed his cheek and buried his fingers in his hair, he was still mourning his lost hair but he had to admit that now his General truly looked like the incarnation of a God. 

 

- Phai –whispered Alexander against his lips.

 

- Mm?

 

- What about your brother? 

 

- What about him? –Hephaistion kissed him again.

 

- Aren’t you mad at me for taking advantage of him? –and that stopped his beloved kisses—I mean, you love your family, what would you have done if I have slept with Nick? –and that made Hephaistion laughed. He couldn’t imagine Nikandros in the helpless situation of an attractive young man that is dragged to the King’s bed to satiate his lust. 

 

- Alex, first of all, Nick would never sleep with you, he love women too much and second…—he took a deep breath—I have to love Lys because he is my brother, but…I don’t know him, the longest conversation we had was just before I came with you to Asia, he was asking me about the army. I know nothing about him, what does he like, what kind of food he prefer, what is his goal in life?…I know this sounds cruel, but…Lys is a complete stranger for me. 

 

The King nodded, he understood perfectly well what was his beloved saying.

 

- Phai, there is something that has been bothering me for some time now –he said absently caressing his General’s knee. 

 

Hephaistion frowned and closed the distance between them, touching the King’s forehead with his own.  

 

- Tell me –he said softly, in that tone that told Alexander he could confess anything and his best friend wouldn’t judge him.

 

- Phai, I can’t live without you…literally –he confessed at last—Every time you are away from me I’m always angry and can’t think correctly, you are my addiction –that made Hephaistion smile— But…is that a weakness? To love you this much? 

 

- You are starting to talk like your mother –his beloved whispered.

 

- I know…and that worries me –the King admitted.

 

- Alex, love would never be a weakness –whispered Hephaistion softly, leaning his cheek against Alexander’s, caressing him like a kitten—Two times I had to fight against terrible opponents and I won because I was fighting for you –the King closed his eyes, enjoyed the warmth of his best friend body so close to him—Your problem is that you are too jealous and you worry too much. I would love to promise you that I will never leave your side again, but I can’t…not if we are in a military campaign –he made a pause—Of the 2 of us, you are the strongest…you say that you are always angry when I’m not with you…well, when you fell sick I thought you were going to die and…  

 

He felt silent.

 

- And? –the King insisted.

 

- Alex I’m the one who can’t live without you –Hephaistion said with intensity—If you had died in Tarsus…I would have follow you.

 

Alexander straightened himself to see his face, even in the dark; he could distinguish his features and could see the intensity in his eyes.

 

- You can’t be serious.

 

- Honestly, do you think I would joke with this? –asked his beloved.

 

- No…but, I never thought…

 

Hephaistion took his hands between his own.

 

- You are much stronger than I –he said again, meaning every word—You can live without me –the King shook his head—Because you are your own person and you belong to no one. You will be the greatest King that Macedonia ever has.

 

Alexander embraced him with force, and leaned his head against his shoulder.

 

- Don’t say that, I know I will be the greatest King but, don’t say that I belong to no one when my heart is yours –Hephaistion embraced him back and cocked his head over the King's—I love you –he whispered against the soft skin of his neck, tickling him. 

 

Those words sounded so nice coming from his lips that Hephaistion couldn’t imagine being with someone else, for him, it seemed unnatural. He belonged at Alexander’s side and it will be like this forever. 

 

- I love you too –the General felt the King’s kisses on his neck, his blond eyelashes gave him tickles, while he was looking for the tender skin behind his ear.  

 

Hephaistion moaned softly, and a half smile curved his lips. He felt Alexander’s hands over his shoulders, sliding down the fabric of his cloths, trapping his arms in the process.

 

- Alex, you know we can’t make love tonight –he said softly.

 

- Why not? –the King asked against the skin behind his ear, making him shudder.

 

- We both are going to ride tomorrow –he had to stop Alexander in that moment or he wasn’t going to be able to do it latter. Hephaistion could feel his body burning in lust and reacting in a way the General didn’t thought possible, with the sole idea of being with his King,

 

He loved Alexander, but he also desired him.

 

The General heard him groaned in protest.

 

- I’m not going to survive another day like this –Alexander said, making Hephaistion laugh. 

 

- I said we can’t make love, I never said we couldn’t do “other” things –said his beloved in a playful tone that made the King smile again.

 

XXX

 

- What did you say? –asked Darius furious.

 

- Commander Hephaistion is gone, your majesty. All his things were packed and his horses and family disappeared –said his guard again, trying his best not to shake—One of the guards said he saw him, with a group of men, sneaking in the night heading to the gates. 

 

- And why was that nobody stopped him?

 

The guard bowed even more.

 

- King of Kings, he was the commander in chief, we had no reasons to question him –the Great King cursed, and ordered to kill the guard for bringing bad news.

 

Bessus and Amyntas were there too, and it was obvious for everyone that Hephaistion had tricked them. And they weren’t happy about it.

 

- What do you think, Amyntas? –asked Darius, pacing around, too angry to sit down.

 

- Your majesty, I think that Hephaistion was here under the orders of Alexander –said the Macedonian, feeling like a fool for believing that Hephaistion had gone to the Persian camp because of King Philip’s murder.

 

- Why do you think that? –asked the Great King.

 

- I only saw him once with Alexander –answered Amyntas—But, he is his best friend and beloved, they love each other deeply, it’s hard to believe they fought because Hephaistion had a son with his sister…

 

- Then, why you didn’t say anything before? –demanded to know Bessus, expressing Darius’ thoughts.

 

Amyntas ran a hand through his hair, choosing his words carefully or these would be his last ones, he remembered very well the fate of the Athenian Charidemus.

 

- Hephaistion’s father was behind King Philip’s murder –he explained—I thought that Alexander had discovered it and Hephaistion had had to run away…–it was a reasonable explanation so Darius said nothing—But, now I’m starting to think that Alexander always knew about the conspiracy to kill his father and he doesn’t care.

 

The Great King cursed again; he felt like a fool and he hated to feel like this. He wanted revenge for being tricked like this.

 

- Where is the Macedonian King? –he asked raising his voice.

 

- Two days from here, your divinity –answered Bessus and the Great King nodded.

 

- We are going after him –said Darius and Amyntas saw him in shock.

 

- Your majesty, if I may express my opinion…—when the Great King said nothing he continued—It’s not a wise decision to leave our position here. You have all the advantages in this favorable ground, you have plenty of space and that is precisely what the Persian army needs, taking into consideration its numbers and equipment. I know Alexander, he will come for you so it will be better to wait here. 

 

- I don’t want to wait for him –answered the Great King, he was in a terrible mood—We are going after the Macedonian King, we are going to fight him and I will offer a 2, 000 talent reward to any man who brings me Hephaistion alive and in chains.  

 

Those words left Amyntas speechless, that was the double of money he had offered to any man who slew King Alexander. Furious was a word that didn’t even started to cover the actual state of Darius, he was humiliated, he had received Hephaistion in an audience without obliging him to do the proskynesis, he had invited him to dine with him, he had made him gifts; but the worst was that he had desired him, he had gave him the great honor of ask him to be his lover…and all for what? Hephaistion was a spy! And for a man as Darius to feel humiliated was terrible, he was the Great King and had been mocked by a nobody. Well, this nobody and his lover, the Macedonian King, would feel his wrath. 

 

And so it was done. The Persian army and all the court moved through the Amanian Gates to cross Mount Amanus heading to Issus while sending the baggage train and the bulk of the Great King’s treasure under guard to Damascus. 

 

XXX

 

Alexander and his small party returned without major incidents to the Macedonian camp, everything had gone according to the King’s plans and the army had only stayed without a King for 4 days. As Alexander had ordered nobody knew he wasn’t there.

 

The King considered he had lost enough time and, now that he had his beloved again with him, he felt ready to continue his journey.

 

Hephaistion had much to do, after all he had been with the Persians for 2 weeks and his desk was full with pending things. He spent up all night, after a very difficult day hearing the complains of his men, their concerns, their opinions, their needs…he really didn’t know how was that Alexander could do this, after all he only had one thousand men under his command, not an entire army. The General rubbed his eyes, he was reading a list with the names of the sick and injured men that Alexander had left back at the town of Issus, a place the King had left behind about 8 days ago. Hephaistion read that 20 of his men were left there, when… 

 

- Phai? –the General lifted his head and found Lysanias standing at the entrance of his tent. Certainly the last person he expected to see—Do you have a second? 

 

- Sure –Hephaistion left the report on the desk and went to sit on a chair, indicating his brother to do the same—What can I do for you, Lys?

 

The page kept silent for a long moment, his fists on his knees and his eyes on the ground.

 

- Phai, I was thinking if you could talk with the King and ask him to reassign me, I don’t want to be his page anymore –said his brother. It was obvious even from the out space that the boy was nervous and ashamed.

 

Hephaistion lifted his eyebrows in surprise.

 

- I thought you liked to be his page –the General had an idea of why the page was asking him this, but he decided not to say a word and pretend he didn’t knew anything. Besides, wasn’t his brother in love with Alexander? Then, why did he want to be reassigned? Shouldn’t he be happy after spending a night with him?

 

- Yes, but…something happened and I don’t want to be with the King –his brother answered, still avoiding to face him. 

 

- What happened? –Lysanias clenched his fists, he didn’t knew how to explain this, he knew his brother was going to ask him that, but…

 

- I…h-he…we slept together –said the page at last, feeling his face burn.

 

Hephaistion crossed his arms and cocked his head.

 

- Do you love Alexander, Lysanias? –he asked in that tone of voice that gave nothing away, confusing his brother, who had expected an outburst of anger and jealous.

 

- I-I don’t know –said the page without knowing what to say.

 

- You don’t know? –the General insisted.

 

- I mean…I thought I loved him –said Lysanias at last—He is…perfect and everything he does is great…I even felt jealous of you, I thought you didn’t deserved to be with him because he is the King and he is always treating you as if you were his…

 

- Equal? –his brother nodded.

 

- Nick told me that your relationship with him was none of my business…

 

So, Nick knew. I’m going to kill him for not telling me anything of this –thought the General.

 

- But…I asked the King to be my erastes, I wanted to know how it was to be loved by a man like him… but…he said no, and…days later he kissed me and…we had sex but…–Lysanias sobbed— I had never done that with anybody, nobody had even kissed me before…and…he kept calling me Phai. That was so…humiliating… —Hephaistion said nothing and let his brother cried—I don’t want to be his page anymore…

 

The General sighed; he stood up, looked for a cup of water and gave it to his brother. Of course it pained him to see his brother crying like that, but, another part of him, the Hephaistion who was in love with Alexander, was also angry at the page. Lysanias drank all the water avoiding to look at his brother. 

 

- Lysanias –the General said softly, it was difficult to feel sympathy for him since it had been Lysanias fault, in the first place, for offering himself to the King—Did Alexander know that you didn’t want to have sex with him? 

 

The page shook his head.

 

- No, I…I wanted to do it but…

 

- When he didn’t do what you had expected you freak out –Lysanias moved his head up and down. That reminded him of Achilles—In other words you thought you wanted to have sex with him, but when the time came you freak out…that Lysanias, is not knowing what you want in the first place. Alexander told you he didn’t want to be your erastes but you were fine with being his whore.

 

- Don’t scold me! –exclaimed his brother crying again.

 

- And what do you want me to do then? –Hephaistion’s tone was hard—Lysanias you had sex with MY lover, and now you want me to solve YOUR problems with MY lover? 

 

- I’m sorry, Phai…–the page sobbed.

 

The General stood up, and started pacing around.

 

- I can understand why Alexander wanted to sleep with you –he said angry—But what I can’t understand is why did you accept to sleep with him after he told you he didn’t want to be your erastes. You accepted to be his whore Lysanias, and now you are complaining because he humiliated you! –Hephaistion was furious; it bothered him a lot this whole business, but he was angry with Lysanias, not with the King—I will not talk with Alexander, you will have to solve your own problems.

 

I know I was very hard with Lysanias, but he had to learn to be responsible of his own actions. Why was I angrier with my own brother than with Alexander? Well, as I said, I understood why Alexander did it, but Lysanias was my brother, he knew I love the King, and knowing that he still jumped into the King’s bed.     

 

Next day Hephaistion’s mood was still terrible, but he, contrary of what Alexander used to do, didn’t vented his anger with who had nothing to do with his problems. He was checking his own troops before the march of that day, when Berenike came to see him.

 

- Eni, what a surprise! –said Hephaistion smiling, and he kissed his sister tenderly. But then, he noticed that Berenike looked worried—What’s wrong?

 

- Phai, can I talk to you? –she asked. 

 

- Of course –he started to walk with her, leaving Dismas for a moment—Is Aki all right?

 

- Yes, he is perfectly well, he misses his friend Cyrus and is not very happy with Kallisthenes, but he is fine –said Berenike; she took a moment to chose her words, playing nervously with her hands—I came to talk about Lys.

 

The smiled left Hephaistion’s face.

 

- What did he tell you? –he was still angry and that was obvious for his sister.

 

- Everything.

 

- Then, you know why I’m angry with him –said the General—There is nothing more to say –his sister sighed.

 

- Phai, you are too hard on him, he is just a boy…

 

- He is not a kid! –Hephaistion raised his voice—You think I’m too hard on him? What would you do if he had slept with Leon?

 

Berenike took her hands to her face, thinking what to say.

 

- I understand perfectly well how you feel –she said with caution—I’m not defending Lys and what he did was very wrong, I scolded him for almost an hour when he told me; but he is very sorry and he wants to be reassign…Phai, he can’t be with Alexander after what happened, and Alexander will listen to you if you ask him.

 

- Eni, he was the one who got himself into this, let he be the one who solves his own problems. 

 

- But he is your brother.

 

- And that mattered to him when he jumped into Alexander’s bed? –when Berenike heard about what had happened, she knew this would be hard, but she didn’t thought it would be this hard.

 

- Phai, you are being unjust –she tried to reason with him.

 

- I’m unjust? –exclaimed the General without believing her words—Now I’m the bad guy.

 

- You are not the bad…here aren’t any “bad guys” but you forget that Lys didn’t do this alone, Alexander has also a responsibility here –said Berenike.

 

- I already talk to him about this –that took his sister by surprise, she didn’t expect that—I knew about what happened between them before Lysanias told me.

 

- Fine, whatever…then do it for me –said his sister, using the old and always useful emotional blackmail—Please, talk to Alexander –Hephaistion puffed out—Please, at least…think about it. Phai, mom wouldn’t want to see you this angry at Lys. 

 

Think about it? The last thing I want is to keep thinking about this –said the General to himself. He was going to open his mouth again when one of the King’s pages came running.

 

- Sir, the King is calling you, he said is urgent –said the boy without breath. 

 

Hephaistion nodded and turned to see his sister.

 

- We’ll talk later.