CHAPTER 5

 

Losing our senses

What did we become?

Someone grew stronger, while some other passed

This is what remains

Ashes and dreams of better days

(Theater of Tragedy. Ashes and Dreams)

 

 

Next day Hephaistion was going to the so called Precinct of the Nymphs at Mieza, a village located in the eastern foothills of the Bernius range, north of Beroea (1). Just one more day to be far far away from the court intrigues and the uproarious life in the royal palace, but most importantly, he would be away from King Philip. The young page had permission to go home, and, in that particular day, his mother was very busy, coming and going from one room to the other, preparing her son’s baggage.

 

- Mom, honestly, I don’t need so many clothes –said Hephaistion, looking at the outrageous number of chitons perfectly folded on a wooden table. 

 

- Nonsense! You are not only going to be taught by master Aristotle, other professors are going to prepare you in different fields, including how to fight, and you could ruin your clothes. I don’t want you to be in rags in the presence of master Aritotle and the Crown Prince, what are they going to say? That your mother doesn’t look after you? –said Antigone, shaking her head—Besides, you are growing really fast, soon your clothes won’t fit you anymore… Lysanias don’t touch that, dear, it’s your brother’s baggage –she sweetly reprehended her youngest child—How many boys are going to Mieza? 

 

- 7, including me.

 

- Mm… —Antigone took her finger to her cheek, thinking—I should cook them something.

 

- No mom, please don’t –asked Hephaistion, embarrassed.

 

- Phai! –Berenike arrived with something in her hands—I made you this –proudly, his sister gave him a bracelet, clumsily knitted with wool thread—It’s a lucky charm.

 

- Thank you –her brother gave her an adorable smile.

 

- Here is the whole family! –said grandfather Demetrios, his booming voice pounding against the walls while he stepped inside Hephaistion’s bedroom—By the almighty Atlas! What are these? Who’s moving out?

 

Lysanias laughed and Antigone lifted an eyebrow.

 

- These are the things Phai is taking to Mieza –said his daughter-in-law.

 

- All of these? He is going to study, not to marry an Asian King and taking his entire trousseau with him –his grandchildren celebrated his joke laughing, even little Lysanias, who had no idea of what was his grandfather talking about.

 

- Grandpa, Phai is going to live with other boys from the Macedonian nobility. He is not going in rags –Antigone defended her point of view.

 

- Mom, have you seen my linen chiton? –Nikandros arrived, eating a peach.

 

- You were here? Since when? –asked Hephaistion.

 

- I arrived shortly after you –Nikandros spoke with his mouth full of fruit.

 

- Not now sweetheart, I’m busy with Phai’s baggage –said Antigone, searching for a belt.

 

- Is he taking all these with him? –asked Nikandros and his mother lifted both eyebrows.

 

- Ma’am!

 

- Why are you yelling, Cadie? –asked Antigone, watching Cadie running to her.

 

- Outside is a lad asking to see Phai –the young woman explained, and five pairs of wondering eyes settled on Hephaistion.

 

- Who’s looking for you? –asked Berenike, sitting down on his brother’s bed.

 

The first thing Hephaistion thought was that Perdikkas or Leonnatos had come to visited him, but that was improvable, they too had gone to their houses and they lived in Upper Macedonia, far from Pella. Had they come back so soon?  

 

- I took the lad to the entrance hall, ma’am –said Cadie when nobody else spoke.

 

- You let him in? Before asking us? –Demetrios saw her as if he didn’t know Cadie.

 

- Does this person have a name? –asked Hephaistion, tired of all that mystery.

 

- He said his name is Alexander, the Crown Prince, so I thought it was a bad idea to let him waiting outside –said Cadie and Amyntor’s family looked at her as if she was a ghost. 

 

Hephaistion was the first one to run to the entrance hall. His mother brushed her hair with her fingers and smoothed out her dress following him, along with his grandfather.

 

At the entrance hall, the Prince was looking at the beautiful paintings adorning the walls. Images showing the magnificence of mount Olympus, and the war between the gods and the Titans. One had caught the Prince attention, an image showing Gaia, fighting against Poseidon. The god of the sea showed like a Pegasus of water, impressive and majestic, the goddess of earth falling at his ravishing power.

 

- What are you doing here? –asked the page, arriving at the entrance hall.

 

For once, Hephaistion’s voice was friendly without traces of irony or nuisance. Since their adventure on the Thracian border, his feelings towards the Crown Prince had change tremendously. He wouldn’t admit it, but he had thought about the blond every day, remembering their peculiar conversation in the forest and the failed kiss… Why had he thought that much about the kiss? Alexander smiled and, to his complete astonishment, he blushed, his mind immediately remembering those lips so close to his, his soft breath…

 

Enough! –thought the page, he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself in front of the Prince.

 

- I was bored and Glaukos told me you had permission to come home, so I thought to pay you a visit –Hephaistion returned his smile. Alexander had a beautiful smiled, how come he hadn’t notice before? And for some reason he could comprehend in that moment, he felt very happy to see him in his house.

 

- Alexander –said Antigone with a kind smile, walking to him with the arms stretched to the front—What a pleasant surprise!

 

- My mother –Hephaistion introduced her, while his mother took Alexander’s hands.

 

- Antigone, wife of Amyntor –Alexander thought she was adorable.

 

- My grandfather, Demetrios son of Nikandros –page continued with the introductions.

 

- I pleasure to see you again, Alexander.

 

- Joy to you, Alexander! –said Nikandros, arriving with his small brother and sister behind him. When Berenike saw him, she walked to the Prince with curiosity.

 

- She is my sister, Berenike –said Hephaistion.

 

- Joy to you, Berenike! –Alexander smiled and the girl frowned.

 

- Are you really the Macedonian Prince? –asked Berenike, as if that were impossible and her family were playing her a joke.

 

- Yes.

 

- You don’t look like a Prince; you are very short.

 

- Eni! –the adults scolded her. Hephaistion laughed.

 

XXX

 

- Your family is great –said Alexander, walking with him near the river that crossed Amyntor’s property.

 

- Yeah, just don’t tell them, or they would start believing it –Hephaistion was happy, that was obvious to any fool, even if he didn’t know why.

 

- Your mother is adorable.

 

- Yes, when she is not packing your baggage.

 

- What was that? –the Prince stopped.

 

- A personal joke, don’t mind me –they started walking again— Are you staying to have dinner with us?

 

- I wouldn’t miss it; Perdikkas said your mother is one hell of a cook –a beautiful blue bird stopped on a branch near them, grooming his wings with his peck.

 

- That’s true, she is great. You know, mom could do anything she wanted, is the most intelligent woman I ever met –the page continued walking with the arms cross behind his head—Tell me something, why do you want me to go with you to Mieza?

 

- Why do you think? –Alexander challenged him.

 

- I hate you when you do this… Let me think –the page frowned.

 

Alexander likes you…

 

- No idea –Hephaistion lied, pretending he hadn’t thought the obvious answer.

 

- You are a lousy liar –said the Prince—I know you are thinking something but you are a coward and won’t tell me.

 

Hephaistion stopped and watched him outrage.   

 

- Oh! No, no, no. I know what are you trying to do! You are challenging me, but that’s not going to work –the page answered with self-sufficiency—Besides, what I was thinking is not even my own idea, so it doesn’t count.

 

- Oh! So, are you talking about me with other people? –Alexander wanted to know.

 

- No.

 

- Liar, why don’t you tell me? –Hephaistion blushed; all of this was Nikandros’ fault, it was his foolish idea that had made him wonder if it was true.

 

I want a kiss from you…

 

Why can’t I stop thinking about that? –thought the page.

 

- You always want to know everything?

 

- I never take a “no” for an answer –said Alexander.

 

- So, that’s why you didn’t let me alone until I accepted to talk to you like a civilized person –said Hephaistion.

 

- Exactly! –said the Prince with a bright smile—I knew if you came to know me you would change your mind. 

 

Hephaistion turned to see him, walking backwards.

 

- You are weird. First you say I’m good judging people and now you tell me I was wrong judging you.

 

- I don’t blame you. I’m not like the rest.

 

- Oh, yes! I notice. You are insane –Hephaistion laughed.

 

The page stepped over a rock and fell backward; Alexander ran to catch him, but the weight beat him and he ended falling on top of Hephaistion. The page started to laugh.

 

- You know, to be someone as short as you, you are pretty heavy… Alexander?

 

The Prince didn’t move. He had fell on Hephaistion’s chest and could hear his heartbeat, his warmth under him, and the soft up and down motion of his chest. Alexander had never felt so relax in his life; it was like lying at the river edge on a hot day, enjoying the breeze on the face without problems and concerns… With the page he could think clearly, in absolute peace. 

 

- Alexander? –said Hephaistion, softly.

 

- Mm?

 

- You are crushing me.

 

- Gods! I could sleep here –the Prince whispered, a little drowsy.

 

The page sat, and, gently pushed Alexander away from him.

 

- I don’t think so –he stood up, giving the Prince his hand to help him up—Come let’s go back to the house.

 

- Do you like theater? –asked Alexander suddenly.

 

- Yes, very much.

 

- Come with me to see Thessalus’ presentation.  

 

- The famous actor? –Hephaistion had heard about Thessalus, he was known in all Greece. His most famous roll was Achilles and, from what Hephaistion had heard, Alexander had wept in that play at the scene of Patroclus’ death. 

 

- Yes, he is coming to Pella at the end of the year, he is a friend of mine so I asked him to go to Mieza –Alexander explained.

 

- You are showing off.

 

- What did I say now?

 

- Showing off the fact that you know famous actors and counted them among your friends –Hephaistion teased him playfully—But I forgive you this time, and I accept your invitation.

 

It was official, Alexander was happy.

 

XXX

 

By the time Hephaistion’s 14 birthday arrived, everything was perfect, like a fairy-tale: He was taking classes from one of the greatest minds of his time, in a beautiful place, a district of vineyards and orchards that had nothing to envy the Elysium Field. He was studying philosophy, which he adored, reading a lot, which he loved, and far far away from Philip, which was priceless.

 

- You are too thoughtful –said Hephaistion, reading on Alexander’s bed in the room they both shared.

 

Philip had ordered to repair a big and beautiful house in Mieza, and prepared it to serve as a temporary academy, like the one in Athens. He wanted his son to have only the best: the best teacher, the best friends, the best location, the best of everything. Aristotle had accepted being the Prince’s professor in exchange that Philip restored his hometown: Stageira, which the King had occupied and destroyed in previous years. The philosopher and the King had already met when they were kids, since Aristotle’s father, Nicomachus, had been King Amyntas, King Philip’s father, personal doctor, and now Aristotle was appointed head of the new Macedonian academy.  

 

The Prince didn’t answer immediately, and continued in the same position, sitting on the window’s frame, watching the garden. He had been there since nightfall, and hadn’t spoken a word, spending his time just looking at the deep blue sky. 

 

- Hello? Is somebody there? –Hephaistion insisted, leaving his reading.

 

- I’m thinking about what Aristotle said today –Alexander finally answered, without looking at him.

 

- About the barbarians being the same as animals? Or about slavery being an acceptable condition for men? –asked his now friend.

 

- The part about the barbarians.

 

- Oh, what about it?

 

- Do you think is true, that the Persians are the same as beasts? –Alexander walked to him, and sat at his side.

 

- The only Persians I ever met were the ones in the embassy with Arsames, and they didn’t give me a very good impression… but, on the other hand, I didn’t see anything that made them different from us, either –Hephasition explained.

 

- Besides having two arms and two legs, what do you mean?

 

 Hephaistion approached him, and brushed on rebel lock of hair behind his ear.

 

- Aristotle said: “no one would value existence for the pleasure of eating alone, or that of sex unless he were utterly servile; to such a person it would make no difference whether he were a beast or a man…”

 

- “An barbarians live exclusively through and for senses”(2) –Alexander continued—Which leaves them on the same level as plants or animals.

 

- If you buy Aristotle’s ideas that would mean that we, Macedonians and Greeks, are different, better, and for that we have the right, and the duty, to crush the Persians, right?

 

- That’s precisely his point –Alexander nodded.

 

- But, there are Macedonians who also live through and for senses, so where is the difference? –the Prince noted the resentment and hatred in his voice.

 

- We are better than them.

 

- Why? –Hephaistion challenged him—Are we stronger, smarter? Maybe. But we still have the same weaknesses and that makes us even more pathetic.

 

- Hephaistion, things are not like that –the Prince tried to calm him, knowing perfectly well why he thought like that.

 

- How can you be so sure?

 

- Do I need to remind you that I grew up in the court of Pella? I can be many things but I’m not naïve –Alexander took him by the arms—Look at me Hephaistion, do you think I don’t know about my father’s orgies and excessive drinking?… Please, let me finish, I know what are you going to say: a King must be the best among men, an example to follow. My father isn’t such a man, and I know better than anyone else about his faults.

 

- Do you really know? –Hephaistion’s voice trembled.

 

Alexander couldn’t stand to see that look in his eyes and embraced him, as if he were afraid the page could vanish in every moment.

 

- Phai, I know that what my father did to you was abominable and you are in all your right to hate him –Hephaistion opened his eyes, astonished by this revelation—I would give everything so you would never had to endure such a terrible fate, but you can’t judge all the Macedonians like…

 

- What are you talking about? –Hephaistion interrupted him, without believing his ears. The Prince kept silent when he realized his mistake. 

 

- Phai, I…

 

- Don’t call me that –Hephaistion pushed him away from him—Answer me, how do you know about what happened between your father and I? SPEAK!

 

- I found out.

 

- How? –Alexander was silent, and ran his hand through his untidy blond hair—HOW?

 

- I entered your room and hid myself under your bed. I saw you when you arrived with doctor Philip, happy now? –as an answer, Hephaistion punched him in the face and left the room furious.

 

I deserve that –thought Alexander, taking his hand to his face.

 

- Alexander! Did something happen to Phai? He looks like…What happened to you? –asked Leonnatos, who was walking outside their room when his friend stormed out like an enrage chimera. 

 

-Nothing –said Alexander, speaking through his nose. He took his head back and Leonnatos hurried to look for a handkerchief.

 

- Did you and Phai have a fight again? –asked his friend.

 

- Myfault –blood ran freely over the Prince’s face.

 

- Lay down, it will be easier. Do you want me to call Aristotle?

 

- Nojustwater –asked the Prince and his friend ran to look for a servant.

 

XXX

 

How could he? Why did he do that for? –thought Hephaistion running through the corridor. He felt terrible, betrayed, humiliated… Nobody was suppose to know what had happened between him and the King; it was the worst episode of his life and now was public knowledge.  He couldn’t stand it, and once again he felt raped and exposed.

 

Alexander had spy him in his worst moment, during his darkest hour, and he couldn’t forgive him. He arrived in the garden and ran to the forest, ignoring the guard who called after him.

 

XXX

 

- That was some punch –said Ptolemy, whistling.

 

- You are going to be fine, the septum isn’t broke, just out of place –said Aristotle, sitting at the Prince’s side—Be very still, this is going to hurt.

 

Admirably, Alexander didn’t make a sound when the philosopher straightened the septum; the only sign of pain was a solitary tear and his clenched fists. His friends made faces when their heard the crunch indicating the septum was again in the right place. Aristotle put a towel damped in cold water on his forehead, and cleaned the blood from his face.

 

- It’s going to swell and it’s going to be nasty, but in a few days it will pass –said the philosopher standing up—Rest, it’ll help.

 

- I’m sorry to have bothered you.

 

- It’s all right. And you, young men, go to sleep, it’s late and you have work to do tomorrow –Aristotle left the room, not before leaving instructions for a servant to attend the Prince’s wound with an ointment.    

 

- Who beat you? –asked Koinos.

 

- Hephaistion.

 

- Ha! I told you Perdikkas, now pay me –said Leonnatos triumphal, and his friend searched for a drachma inside his clothes.

 

- You fought AGAIN? –asked Nearchos.

 

- Honestly, I can’t understand why do you want to be his friend? Hephaistion is weird and arrogant –said Philotas.

 

What really bother Parmelio’s son was the fact that the Crown Prince had chosen Hephaistion over him, he was the best choice to be the Prince’s favorite, after all he was General Parmelio’s older son, even if Philotas didn’t like Alexander very much. His best friend was Amyntas, but he was vain and wanted the status of being part of the inner circle of the next Macedonian King.

 

Alexander didn’t reply.

 

- I thought things between you were fine –said Leonnatos confused—Since we arrived to Mieza, is like you have been friends forever.

 

- Hephaistion is cute I give you that, but he have a terrible temper –said Ptolemy, resting his weigh in one foot.

 

- That’s not true –Perdikkas defended him, and Leonnatos nodded vigorously supporting him—He is a good friend, he is just… a little difficult to understand, he has too many ideas in his head.

 

Alexander smiled. That was an excellent description of Hephaistion: he had too many ideas in his head, but he liked that.

 

- Please, Hephaistion’s problem is that he doesn’t know his place –said Cassander, with a grin—All his family is Athenian, he has Athenian customs and acts like one, I don’t even know what is he doing here. I wouldn’t be surprise if his father is involved with Demosthenes, maybe he would be better as spy rather than a hetairoi…

 

He couldn’t say another word, the Prince hit him on the stomach, and he bent over. Ptolemy and Harpalos, as the older ones, ran to separate them.

 

- Understand one thing Cassander, to insult Hephaistion in my presence is the worst mistake you can make, and I will not tolerate this again –Alexander was furious. 

 

He had made a terrible mistake mentioning his father affair to Hephaistion, he had ruined months of friendship in a minute, and now here were his friends, betting and making conjectures. He was not in the mood to hear the stupidities of Antipater’s son.

 

- Alexander…

 

- Leave alone Ptolemy –asked the Prince—All of you. Now!

 

In those months his friends had learned to know him better, and when he was this angry it was the best to leave him alone, he was more dangerous than the hydra with all his heads. So they left without a second thought.

 

- Why do you think they fought now? –asked Leonnatos in the corridor, safety away from Alexander.

 

- I don’t know but it’s a shame, now that we didn’t have to listen Phai complaining about Alexander –Perdikkas lamented.

 

- I don’t understand how Alexander stands him, I have seen him get angry from insults nicer than half the things Hephaistion had said to him –said Harpalos, shaking his head.

 

- Yes, but the difference is, none of those insults had come out from a mouth as desirable as Hephaistion’s –said Ptolemy, with the superiority look of someone who knows something others don’t.

 

- What do you mean? –asked Koinos, stopping in the middle of the corridor.

 

- What else would he mean? –said Cassander, his hand on his stomach—The only extraordinary thing about Hephaistion is his beauty.

 

- Do you think Alexander likes Phai? –asked Perdikkas, as if they had said harpies could dance ballet.

 

- I don’t think so, I KNOW it –Ptolemy assured them, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

- How do you know? –Nearchos wanted to know.

 

- Easy, Alexander told me.

 

- What did he tell you exactly? You are not too brilliant and could misinterpret him –said Philotas with brutal honesty, making the rest laughed. 

 

If Ptolemy’s gaze could kill, Parmelio’s son would be dead by now.

 

- I asked him: “Alexander, do you like Hephaistion?” –said Ptolemy, raising his voice to be heard above the laughter— And he answered: “Yes”. I don’t see how could I misinterpret that.

 

The group fell silent.

 

- Point taken –said Perdikkas surprised.

 

- It’s the only thing Hephaistion is good at, warming someone’s bed –said Cassander.

 

- Careful there, if Alexander hears you…

 

- I know, I know… He might be your boss Harpalos, but he is not mine –Cassander mocked him—I’m going to my room, this teen drama already bored me.

 

They saw Cassander left with great relieve, they didn’t want to keep hearing him. 

 

- Lets go to sleep, we gain nothing standing here –said Koinos and all went to their rooms.

 

XXX

 

An hour passed… two, three… It was almost daybreak and a harsh storm hit Mieza. Alexander couldn’t sleep, he kept watching Hephaistion’s empty bed since hours ago and when the storm started, he couldn’t stand the wait and went out to look for him. 

 

He went to the room Perdikkas and Leonnatos shared, entering with the same confidence of the owner of the house. Immediately, and he was welcome by Perdikkas’ snoring. The Prince almost laughed watching Leonatos sleeping under all his blankets in a poor attempt to shut himself out from the noise. But Hephaistion wasn’t there.  

 

If Hephaistion isn’t here, then he isn’t in any other room –he thought.

 

Alexander searched for him in the classrooms, the storage rooms were Aristotle had his specimens, in the dining room and in virtually every corner. He wasn’t anywhere, which left him with only one option: Hephaistion was outside. 

 

With this storm? –he thought, listening to the furious thunders that made the structure tremble. It was as if Zeus had had a bad day with his wife Hera, and was taking it out with the humans—Maybe he got himself caught in the storm and can’t come back.  

 

Alexander arrived to the entrance and approached the guard, who was dozing, leaning against the wall, wrapped in this cloak. He jumped when he heard his name.

 

- Nikias, have you seen someone leaving the house?

 

The poor man had to blink several times to wake up.

 

- Yes, Alexander –answered the Nikias—I saw General Amyntor’s son.

 

- When?

 

- Not long after sunset.

 

- Where did he go? –asked the Prince, raising his voice above the thunders.

 

- To the forest –Nikias pointed out the direction—I tried to stop him, I thought it would be dangerous to go there at night, but he ignored me.

 

- Good man.

 

- Do you want me to go to look for him?

 

- No, I’ll go.

 

- But…

 

But nothing. The Prince ignored him too and went to the forest.

 

- By Ares’ balls! Now what should I do? –Nikias exclaimed in frustration.

 

If the storm looked impressive inside the house, outside was as if the Gods were fighting against the Titans all over again. Alexander couldn’t see a thing, and two times he almost fell to the ground. Where, in the name of Typhon, had Hephaistion go? As an answer he heard the familiar bark of his dog Peritas, and soon he was running to him. Peritas barked two times, walked in front of him, and when he noted his master wasn’t following him, he returned, barked again, bit his chiton, ran in circles and started walking again. He wanted to be followed, so Alexander followed him, after all he hadn’t better options.   

 

The Prince walked for a long time, and when he thought his dog was leading him to nowhere, they arrived at the entrance of a small cave. Peritas entered first and his master had to crawled behind him. At the end of the short tunnel he saw a light and found an improvised fire and Hephaistion sleeping at its side. Peritas sat and barked again, waking up the boy. 

 

- Peritas? –muttered a very drowsy Hephaistion.

 

- Hephaistion –the boy of dark gray eyes opened his eyes, trying to remember where he was and why he was there.

 

- Alexander? What are you doing here? –a distant thunder almost drowned his words.

 

The Prince kneeled at his side.

 

- I was worried, you didn’t come back and the storm is getting worst.

 

- You are soaked –Hephaistion yawned and sat, rubbing his eyes.

 

- Your fault –said the Prince. Now the page remembered why he was in a cave.

 

- I never told you to entered in my room without my permission –Alexander sighed and Hephaistion pushed him— You had no right…

 

- I know –the Prince interrupted him—But I’m not sorry about it, so I’m not going to apologize –Hephaistion raised his eyebrows, taken aback—If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have the chance to help you.

 

- I don’t want your help or your pity, I don’t want other people knowing what happened to me, and I don’t need… 

 

Alexander embraced him with unusual force.

 

- I could never see you with pity, I know you are strong enough to deal with your own problems but I want to help you, I want to be part of your life –the Prince whispered softly in his ear—When I’m with you I feel calm, free and I feel… that there isn’t such a thing as a difficult obstacle or a big problem, if you are with me everything is possible.

 

Hephaistion closed his eyes and relaxed in his arms. He was trembling, but not for the cold of the damp chiton against his body, but because of the force in his words.

 

If you asked me now I couldn’t explain why I trusted him, I simply did it because that was the right thing to do, and because, even if I didn’t want to admit it at that time, he made me happy. Everything was possible when we were together. 

 

Did I know he was going to archived everything he did? Of course I didn’t, who could know such things? He became greater than Achilles himself, but I didn’t comprehend the magnitude of his deeds until now. I knew he was Megas Alexandros when Pompey Magnus used Alexander’s cloak in his Triumph in Rome, when Caesar Augustus paid his respects at his tomb in Alexandria, or when Caligula asked for Alexander’s breastplate to wore it… Yes, I knew he was Megas Alexandros then, but I understood how famous he was when the common people knew his name, when, in the XX Century Iron Maiden wrote him a song and in the XXI Century he had his own movie, more than 2000 years after his dead… Then I knew he was an immortal legend, my Alexander.

 

_____________________

 

 

(1) Peter Green. Alexander of Macedon, p 55

(2) Peter Green. Alexander of Macedon, p 59-60