CHAPTER 45

 

- What do you want? –asked Hephaistion once they were alone. They hadn’t talked to each other since the day he had found the King drunk, they simply didn’t have the time, to many things were happening too fast and both of them knew that taking Halicarnassus was the priority.

 

The army required their full attention. Alexander went from one extreme to another of his camp talking to his officers and soldiers, giving them words of encouragement and patiently listening to their problems and complaints. No, he had no time for his personal problems, until now.

 

Alexander didn’t say anything, and for his beloved utterly surprise he kneeled in front of him and surrounded his waist, leaning his head against his abdomen.

 

- I’m sorry –he said in a voice that Hephaistion hardly recognized as his—I’m really sorry for what I said to you and…for sleeping with Barsine –Hephaistion felt a knot in his throat—Phai, please believe me I only did it because I was angry and…I wanted to do Memnon the same he had done to me.  

 

Hephaistion fell silent for so long that Alexander started to think he had lost his soul mate forever. This time things had gone too far.

 

- It’s my fault –said Hephaistion at last, in a low voice—I should have told you what happened between Memnon and I...after all, best friends share everything. 

 

The King kissed his stomach over the clothes.

 

- Can we just leave this behind? –Alexander’s voice was a plea—I can’t go on without you. You really mean everything to me.

 

The King’s words had hurt him very badly as much as his actions…but, what could Hephaistion reproach him when he had enjoyed Memnon’s kisses so much? At least Alexander had acted in spite, but him?

 

- I know… —Hephaistion caressed his hair—Neither can I.

 

- Forgive me.

 

- I forgive you, just if do the same for me –the King smiled.

 

- Of course, Phai –said Alexander— Everything you want. 

 

His best friend took him by the arms and helped him to stand up.

 

- You shouldn’t kneel in front of anybody –he said—You are a King.

 

- Not when I’m with you –that was a sincere answered, spoken from the bottom of his heart.

 

- We need to talk –said Hephaistion.

 

We need to talk, how many different meanings have that phrase? And how many couples around the world through time had heard those same words? Those words were the prelude for a very hard and difficult conversation, but both of them knew they truly needed to clarify some things about their relationship, and the best was to start now.

 

- I don’t want you to think that you did something to…disappoint me –said Hephaistion, when they were comfortably seated. He had never before felt so nervous in his life, not even in Ilium—I admire you –he said honestly, trying really hard that his hands didn’t shake so badly—You have everything a man could wish: you are handsome, very intelligent, a brilliant commander, a brave soldier, an extremely skilful horseman… you defeated the Persians at the Granicus when nobody thought you could, you took Miletus in a week and pacified the northern border of Macedonia in one campaign…and you are younger than I! 

  

- Only for months.

 

- Let me finish –Alexander kept silent and his best friend sighed—You are what I will never be. Maybe someone could think that I’m jealous of your talent but I’m not, I’m proud of you and I sincerely wish you would become the greatest King Macedonia have –the King smiled, he couldn’t help it—But you made me feel…inferior sometimes.

 

Alexander saw his best friend as if he didn’t know him.

 

- Phai, that’s crazy! You are my soul mate, how could you possibly feel inferior than me when you are my other half? –said the King in astonishment.

 

- You are much better than me –said Hephaistion holding his gaze—You are good at everything! And being such a Great Man only makes me see more clearly my own faults.

 

- Nonsense! We are just “different” –said Alexander, mocking him and showing Hephaistion that he remember their previous conversation when he was drunk. That made his best friend smiled—Phai, I would never dream of being as good warrior as you are. You can use a sword as if it was part of your body and I can’t do that. You are brilliant and always make me see my mistakes, you know how to keep a cold head and don’t let your emotions control you…you are better than me at that.

 

Hephaistion smiled, a sad smile and he tilted his head to one side.

 

- Maybe…

 

- Phai, my army thinks I’m perfect; I have to be perfect for them because I’m their King –Alexander continued— My age works against me Phai, I’m too young and I have to work harder than my father did for my enemies to take me seriously. But with you I can be myself, the real me, I don’t have to pretend with you. You have always be the only one who truly understands me; don’t you remember when we met? I told you, I like you because you know how I think and because you are unpredictable –his best friend kept silent, watching his feet—How long have you been feeling this way?  

 

- A while, but it was after the battle at the Granicus that I started to think more and more about this –said Hephaistion—I guess I had to much free time… –he made a pause—We are not equals, Alex, and we’ll never be, you told me something like that at Mieza, do you remember? “Your father isn’t a King” you told me that when I said I couldn’t imagine my father having 2 or 3 wives. But that never bothered me…until Memnon kissed me; he truly made me feel as his equal...he is a very practical man I felt comfortable with him…you and I have been together for so long that I thought…I small part of me wonder how it would be to…kiss someone else. You are my first and my last love but I was…curious to see how could be the road not taken.   

 

- Phai, I have always treated you like my equal –said Alexander.

 

- Really? –Hephaistion questioned him—You didn’t treat me like your equal when you chose Krateros to fight against Dardanos instead of me, you treated me as if I were your wife.

 

- I love you and I’m afraid of loosing you, that doesn’t count? –the King’s voice was full with emotion.

 

- Of course it counts but… Alex I am a man, I can’t be your wife not that I wanted to –said Hephaistion—And because you are a King you have power over me, if you want you can order me kill.

 

- I’ll never do such a thing! –exclaimed the King outraged.

 

- I know, but the fact is you can do it –said Hephaistion—We are not equal.

 

Silence.

 

- Phai, I was a boy when we were at Mieza and I said many fool things –said Alexander slowly—Look at me –his best friend lifted his eyes— It’s true that I’m a King now, but you will always reign in my heart.

 

Hephaistion smiled.

 

- I know…I felt much better when I returned –Hephaistion confessed—My head was a mess during my captivity but when I saw you again all my doubts were left behind…I guess I have a moment of weakness when I was with Memnon –he saw Alexander for a long moment— You are changing too fast.

 

- No, I’m not –Hephaistion lifted an eyebrow, but he didn’t want to argue so he kept silent.

 

- We are not boys anymore –his best friend continued—And now things are more complicated.

 

- But why are you thinking this now? –the King wanted to know—Why now and not 2 or 4 years ago?

 

- Alex, because now your path are mine are different, when we were boys there wasn’t so may differences –said Hephaistion, trying his best to make him see the reality—Yes you were the Crown Prince, but the differences wasn’t as obvious and great as now. Now you are a King and I’m just a hetairoi.  

 

- You are not just a hetairoi –said Alexander—You know you are my Patroclus, why all these doubts?

 

- Because we mortals have doubts. I’m not like you, I not always know what I want –said Hephaistion, brushing his hair behind his ear—The only thing I know for sure is that I love you more than anything. 

 

That made Alexander immensely happy, he sat at Hephaistion’s side and kissed his cheek, surrounding his waist.

 

- I don’t deserve you –the King whispered.

 

- Who is talking nonsense now? –Hephaistion smiled returning the embrace.

 

- I feel like a fool for falling in Barsine’s lies –said Alexander. He was right, this was the true Alexander, only for Hephaistion’s eyes, with him he could be a mortal man and not that God his men worshipped. 

 

- Your problem is that you don’t think when you are angry.

 

- I’m sorry.

 

- I already forgave you; let’s forget all of this, all right? –the King leaned his head on his best friend’s shoulder.

 

- I agree.

 

- I should have told you what happened between Memnon and I before Barsine gave you her own version… —but then Hephaistion remembered something he had never told Alexander, something he had forgotten until now but that was very important.

 

The King kissed his shoulder.

 

- Would you stay with me tonight?

 

- Only if you want after I tell you something –Alexander straightened himself. 

 

- What’s wrong?

 

Hephaistion truly didn’t know how to say it, so he just said it:

 

- I slept with your sister –he spoke so quickly that it took the King a while to understand what he had said.

 

- Who? When? Why? How?

 

Hephaistion took a deep breath.

 

- Cleopatra, two days before the murder of your father after you found us in the garden, because I was feeling terrible and even more after finding you…and how? Do you really want to know that? –said his best friend. 

 

- Cloe…but why her? –Alexander couldn’t understand.

 

- If you remember I offered myself to your father and in exchange he was going to keep you as his legitimate heir.

 

- I remember –said Alexander, not very happy in being reminded those things.

 

- Well, I was feeling very bad after spending the night with the same man that rape me and then, I found Cloe crying because she didn’t wanted to married King Alexandros –Hephaistion explained—I guess we both felt terrible and found some consolation in each other… I’m sorry, I should have told you before –he said terribly ashamed.

 

Alexander shook his head.

 

- We both have made mistakes –he said very calm—I don’t want to keep fighting with you.

 

The King’s reaction took his best friend by surprise. If things had been the other way around, and Alexander had told him that he had slept with Berenike, Hephaistion would have beat the living hell out of him, but the King was broken as a brother. He loved his sisters but…not in a very normal way, after all he was a King and his sisters were valuable tools to seal alliances, he didn’t have a normal relation with them and he never spent too much time them either. Besides, Cleopatra wasn’t a threat to Alexander, not as Memnon was. 

 

- Neither do I –said Hephaistion feeling a great relieve.

 

- Would stay with me, then?

 

- Always.

 

XXX

 

Days after Alexander got his artillery Berenike, Netikerty and the children were sitting on the floor of the house they had rented. The sound of the stones hitting incessantly the walls of the city was deafening, the ground trembled and in many parts of the city fires were starting. It was terrible, the screams, the footsteps of the soldiers, the shouts of their officers, the smell of smoke and the noise that kept continuous day and night…that was something Berenike had never experienced before and it was unnerving.

 

She had managed to keep her slave and the children in a good mood, even if she was even more scared than them, and to make things worst grandfather Demetrios wasn’t there that day, he had gone to see how was the situation.

 

How was the situation? Bad! How else can be? –thought Berenike, feeling the ground shaking under her.  

 

- Ma’am –said Netikerty in a low voice—Do you think this is going to continue for more days?

 

- I don’t know Nety, I just hope that this Memnon guy isn’t as stubborn as Alex or we are going to stay here for a looong time –she said in a cheerful tone but her slave saw her in dismay— I’m going outside –said Berenike suddenly, taking Netikerty by surprise.

 

- But it could be dangerous ma’am, and master Demetrios hasn’t come back –her slave was watching her with eyes that said: “please don’t leave me alone” But she couldn’t stay there doing nothing. The inactivity was killing her.

 

- I’ll not take long –Berenike smiled.

 

- Where are you going, mommy? –asked Sophia, embracing her doll with force.

 

- Outside, but I’ll back in a minute; you 3 stay here and obey Nety, understood?

 

 Berenike took her sword, her bow and arrows; she wrapped a male cloak around her shoulders and went outside.

 

Her grandfather had trained her during their travel on the ship, but apparently Berenike had been born with 2 left hands because she never learned how to use a sword properly, but the Gods had mercy on her and had made her an expert with a bow.

 

Outside the house the city was in chaos, people running and screaming everywhere; the fire was spreading across the different districts of Halicarnassus illuminating the city on that cloudy day and she could see people running with buckets with water, while some other were running away from the fire carrying their most valuable things. As Berenike kept walking she saw houses destroyed and people crying and howling trying to rescue dear ones buried under the debris. 

 

- The Macedonians have broken a wall!!! –shouted a hysterical man, running near her.

 

Berenike felt her heart racing; she saw a group of mercenaries, his armors impeccable holding round shields and sharp spears, and ran after them. She didn’t think very well what she was doing the only thing in her head was that if she went with them maybe she could see someone she knew, with luck she could see Leonnatos.

 

When she arrived near the walls, she found Lykaon shouting orders at the top of his voice to take all the mercenaries to the breach that the mobile towers of the King had opened.

 

- Get your lazy asses over here, ladies! –shouted Thais’ father—I don’t have all day.

 

The civilians ran away from the area surrounding the place where the wall had fallen but Berenike walked directly to where Lykaon was standing, and the blue eyes of the Athenian settled on her, watching her equipment.

 

- Boy! –he shouted making Berenike jumped—You are late, get your ass over that house with the rest of the archers.

 

- Excuse me, sir –she said, faking her voice, speaking a very polite and correct Attic Greek—But you are mistaken, I’m not here to fight.

 

- Oh! Excuse me, I didn’t know I have to send you a formal invitation, your royal highness –Lykaon raised his voice scaring her—I’m not asking you I’m ordering you to GET OVER THAT HOUSE!

 

Berenike had to blink several time for not start crying, never in her life somebody had shouted at her like that, but she swallow her indignation and not having another choice did as she was told. She went to the roof and found there many citizens of Halicarnassus who had gone as volunteers to fight against the Macedonian invaders.

 

She took out her bow, and saw many Persians on the roof but also many Greeks.

 

And now what? –she thought, but the answer came in the form of 2 taxeis of pezetaioi that stormed into the breach, stepping over the debris.

  

Berenike had never before seen the army in action and she opened her mouth in astonishment, the men marched in perfect order making a great display of discipline. She saw Perdikkas leading one of the taxeis and felt very anxious at the prospect of seeing her husband there. 

 

- All right lads! –shouted Lykaon, drawing his spear—Let’s show this Macedonian dogs what are we capable of.

 

And the mercenaries truly showed him. They were equally well trained and soon they stopped the advance of the enemy, and not only that, Memnon’s artillery hit merciless the Macedonian ranks while a storm of arrows fell over the pezetairoi.

 

- What’s wrong? –asked a Greek boy to Berenike on the roof, he had a bow in his hands and had been shooting like crazy for the last minutes—Why aren’t you shooting?

 

Berenike wasn’t going to shoot the Macedonian army, and she had hoped to pass unnoticed but apparently she wasn’t been able to do that.

 

She nodded.

 

- It’s…um, my first battle –she said, again faking her voice—I’m a little nervous.

 

- You shouldn’t be –said the boy patting her back—Is not that difficult, you just aim and shoot, that’s all. They are pretty tight down there so it's easy.

 

- Right.

 

The only solution Berenike could think about was to aim at mercenaries, only those who were close enough to a pezetairoi so nobody would notice. She had almost a perfect aim, she never fail one target, but her hands kept shaking when she thought that she was aiming at men, not static targets made of wood.

 

They are the enemy, they are the enemy, they are the enemy –thought Berenike, shooting without a pause, when her gray eyes saw Alexander not far from there.

 

They hadn’t found a pigeon to send him a message but now he was there so close and so far, and Berenike had an idea. She took a small piece of parchment from her clothes that she had wrote days ago, and tied it around one arrow. Alexander was too far, but she knew she could hit him.

 

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

 

I just have to hit his saddle –Berenike thought, ordering her hands to stop shaking. Easier said that done, but she knew she could do it, one mistake would be disastrous she could kill him. She opened her eyes and shoot.

 

XXX

 

- Alexander! –shouted Hephaistion when he saw the arrow. Nobody thought the King would be in shooting range, so nobody was close enough with a shield. His best friend ran to him but it was too late and the arrow hit the King’s saddle making his horse reared up.

 

Kleitos opened his eyes in astonishment. What kind of archer could shoot from Halicarnassus and reach the King?

 

The King’s guards immediately surrounded him with their shields ready.

 

- Are you all right? –asked Hephaistion, riding to where he was.

 

- Yes, it didn’t hit me –the King was as surprised as his friends—I never thought I was in shooting range.

 

- You are not –said Hephaistion, his eyes on the city—I don’t know who did it, but it was a great shoot.

 

Alexander took the arrow off his saddle and noticed the note.

 

- Alexander! –shouted Ptolemy—The taxeis can’t advance more, the mercs are pushing them and they are loosing ground.

 

Leonnatos came riding.

 

- The mercs artillery are causing severe loses –he informed, raising his voice to be hear above the sounds of the battle.

 

The King narrowed his eyes, his mind racing.

 

- Give the order to retreat –it was very difficult for Alexander to say those words but it was necessary, he wasn’t going to risk the life of his men in an attack doom to fail.

 

The King took the note from the arrow and put it inside his clothes, he had more urgent thing to attend before reading this mysterious message.

 

XXX

 

The mercenaries cheered when they saw the Macedonians retreating and Berenike fell to the floor, her legs shook uncontrollably and when she felt a strong hand pulling her up she didn’t resist, she was still in shock after taking part in her first battle and couldn’t wake up until someone slap her on the face.

 

- BERENIKE! –it was her grandfather, and when her gray eyes focus on the concerned expression of Demetrios she embraced him and started to cry without being able to stop.

 

When we start killing?

It's all coming down right now

From the nightmare we've created

I want to be awakened somehow

(Wanna be awakened right now)

(Within Temptation, the Howling)

 

War was terrible, the moans and screams of the wounded were terrible…why do men went to war? Why did her brothers, father, uncle, cousin, husband went to war? She was grateful to feel his grandfather’s arm around her waist, that reminded her she was not alone.  

 

XXX

 

- We manage to stop the Macedonians, but we have many wounded –said Lykaon to Memnon, while they walked through the rubble and the debris of the demolished wall.

 

A slave walked behind then, holding a torch to let them see through the darkness. It was a night without moon, and the cold sent shivers through Memnon’s strong body. He could see some rocks covered in blood and gore, this had been a battlefield not to long ago, and the wind whistling through the cracks of the wall seemed to him as the mournful song of the spirits.

 

- We have to repair the wall –said the General, his pale blue eyes on the Macedonian camp at the distance. He knew Hephaistion was there, he had heard from his spies that Alexander now employed the men he had felt at Miletus and that they had surrendered the beautiful Macedonian. He did not grudge them. He knew how the business was for a mercenary and if the King had offered them a better deal than Darius then they would be fools if they didn’t accept.

 

He had no idea of what had happened between his wife and Alexander; the last news he got from her was that she and his sons had arrived well at Susa. But nothing more.

- Do you think the Macedonians are going to attack soon? –asked Lykaon, kicking a rock.

 

- Oh, yes. The boy King is going to attack again as soon as he regroup his men and they have some rest.

 

Thais’ father sighed.

 

- I guess you are right General –Lykaon lifted his head, his eyes on the night sky that looked like a huge infinite of blackness without stars—It’s a dark night.

 

A dark night? –Memnon had an idea then.

 

- Come Lykaon, called the Macedonian renegades we have with us, those who run away when the boy King killed his father’s younger wife –said Memnon—I have a plan.

 

XXX